Forty-Three (Amy); Stability. What a Strange Concept...
Funny, how strange this stability feels. How strange it felt when Tim asked me to 'go steady' with him. I don't understand why it feels as weird as it does. Guess it's because I've been out of a stable relationship for so long. Since Heather and I split up I've been in and out of relationships. Actually, I've been in and out of relationship. Just the one. But I don't want to be thinking of Danny right now. I've been thinking about him far too often recently. A flash of ginger will make me start like I've been shocked, snatches of conversation with the name 'Danny' mentioned make my heart leap, just in case it's the Danny, not just a Danny.
Worst of all is the damn music. I swear it's haunting me! I'll be walking somewhere and hear something that sounds like 'Ice Dance', or an Oingo song. I can't seem to escape him, his voice, his charisma, his presence all haunt me. Especially when I'm sleeping. I'll wake up with his name on my lips, and I feel so stupid, and selfish. I should be happy with Tim, it's not like he's been unattentive. I never would have thought of Tim Roth as being the romantic kind, but he's done it all, flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners, you name a romantic gesture and I can almost guarantee he's done it.
There's a part of me though, that's desperate for Danny. Desperate for him to come here to England and-
And what? Fight for me? Claim me as 'his'? Get real Amy! I roll my eyes and pour a glass of orange juice, sipping it idly whilst I think. In a way I guess I'm being kinda cruel, dating Tim when I know full well I'm in love with Danny. But when all's said and done, Danny doesn't love me, so why do I even bother? There's no point. Then again, it's impossible to 'switch off' emotions, there isn't an 'on/off' switch, more's the pity! So I guess it's a good thing I'm dating Tim; I'll get stability etc, which is a good thing, and in time I'll get over Danny.
With any luck. Danny Elfman's going to be damn hard to 'get over'. Especially when practically everything I see reminds me of him...
Chapter 42 ; Contents ; Chapter 44
