You wanted something so much,
That you cared not who you hurt.
Over-strengthening me by far,
You used all you could assert.

You knew that I knew,
What things you could bring,
Destroying one's pride
Had a nice sounding ring.

How can I forget,
I remember it still.
And all of those memories,
Still alive and surreal.

The feelings arose
From you like bile.
You were sick and perverted,
And vicious and vile.

You looked at me
You knew what I feared,
And as I was paralyzed,
You just sat there and leered.

What more was needed?
Didn't bother to lie,
Just stated it clear,
With your hands on my thighs.

You licked your lips,
And gave me a smirk,
And you had me right there,
You foul, filthy jerk.

You had your way,
After all that I fought.
Congratulations
You claimed what you sought.

You took what's not yours,
The only thing I had to give,
For that I proclaim,
You deserve not to live.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ruu looked in the bathroom mirror at her reflection and glanced away quickly. Her skin was pink and raw from all the scrubbing she had done in the shower. She cast her blue eyes down at the Bic razor by the tub- something she had done so much since coming in the room. ... Her mind wouldn't stop nagging her with possibilities.

Stepping back into her room she got dressed in jeans and a sweater, feeling safer in those than in her normal attire. The girl sat on the bed and brushed her hair mechanically, staring out at the wall as she clumsily straightened out the messy strands.

Ruu finally managed to unlock her door and step outside her room. She was hungry. She knew she couldn't stay in her room forever, and really had no intention of it. It had been two days since her body had been used so violently and the mere thought of seeing another person, be them man or woman, terrified her to death.

When she had first come to, when Ketsu had brought her in, pain had reered through her entire body. All the jolts of pain her small frame had suffered, combined with the physical bruitishness (is this a word? @.o) of the act iteself, had nearly brought tears to her eyes with the slightest movement.

But that part was past. Aesis, despite pleading attempts to get her to leave, had stayed and healed Ruu's outer wounds- the wounds that never mattered to begin with.

Ruu took the steps to the elevator carefully, still expecting the pain to be there with every step. Coming down to the lobby, she glanced around at the few people there talking. Kiju looked up and addressed her, but she didn't catch it. Rather she walked by everyone as fast as she could, wanting to be out of view.

Standing behind the kitchen door, she tried to calm herself, knowing it was irrational to feel so scared from the sight of her friends. After all, it wasn't them that had hurt her, but rather, a stranger. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't stop trembling. She paused there a moment more, waiting for her heart to stop beating so fast. Walking to the cabinet, she pulled out a can of soup and began fixing a small bowl for herself, concentrating so hard on only that task. Once completed and eaten, she went back out into into the lobby, going out the front door without looking or speaking to anyone. It was cold outside, and she wasn't dressed properly to be out in the snow, but she was already numb so it didn't matter, she convinced herself.

The girl sat down shakily on the front steps, not bothering to clear the snow from beneath her. She stared out at the trees. Her mind raced with different thoughts and regrets. Looking up at one of the dead oaks, she remembered the other night again, despite her best efforts not to.

The dark man had destroyed everything about herself that she had prided herself in. She had tried to fight him, but lost. All the physical stamina she had built up over the years- useless to her when she needed it. She had tried to stay strong, to stand up against his torturous taunting. But after so much pain, she had given in and begged, begged for him to take her to make it stop. All confidence shattering in that instant. And what little sense of hope she had still had, quickly faded into nothing after he ripped through her.

The man had given her directions back to the hotel before riding off. Torn and paralyzed, Ruu had wanted to die; had prayed to, in fact. Lying beside the lifeless corpses of "George" and "Martha" she couldn't bring herself to move for the longest time. Forced to lay where she had fallen, naked, cold and shaking with fear, she had looked out the window at an oak tree, similar to the one being viewed now.

Ruu shook her head, trying to stop those thoughts, images, sounds, and memories filling her with pain. She tried to go numb in every respect, but found the task too difficult. Her mind wouldn't stop. She was to the point where she would do anything- anything to make it just stop-

Her thoughts were interrupted, thankfully, when Sukita stepped out onto the porch. "Ruu-chan.." he said, with a noticeable note of sadness in his tone.

There were two people in the hotel that Ruu wouldn't, couldn't fear. Sukita was one of them, true, but still she didn't look at him. "Go away, Sukita," she said tonelessly.

The young man looked at her sadly and sat down beside her, not speaking for a moment. "Are you fixed now?" he asked her quietly.

Sukita could almost always make her smile with his naiveity and simple way of being. But not this time. "Sukita, go away," tone not changing. She stared out at an interesting patch of snow before her, looking through her long green bangs.

The boy tilted his head and watched her like a puppy would do. "Ruu- chan..." His voice and face contorting with growing sadness. "Please-"

She turned to look at him, cutting him off as she spoke. "Where were you this time?" Her voice shook in an accusing tone and her eyes shone with would-be tears.

His eyes widened and softened at this. He hadn't seen her cry in so long. He stammered a bit and choked as he replied, "Ruu-chan... I..." Sukita cast his amber eyes downward, feeling guilty for all that happened to her. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I wasn't-"

Again she cut him off, not wanting to hear any excuses, apologizes, anything. "Stop it."

He brought his eyes back up to look at her, trying to catch her gaze but found himself being looked through instead.

She blinked slowly, and moved her face back to the snow. "Go back inside. It's cold."

Sukita blinked. She was right. It was freezing out here, and here she was dressed as she was... He stood up and opened the door. Ruu did nothing, thinking he was leaving again and making no move to stop him.

When he stepped back out a few minutes later, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"It's okay, Ruu-chan.. just me again," speaking soothingly. He wrapped a blanket around her and then wrapped another around them both and hugged her from the side.

The girl's body tensed immediately and she fought off the urge to scream.

Sukita could sense her discomfort and wasn't actually being his stupid, dense-self, but felt she really needed the warm embrace he was offering her. For once, he didn't have anything to say, so merely kept his arms around her comfortably, feeling her body gradually untense and lay against him.

Ruu's eyes spilled their tears, finally. Having lots to say, but keeping quiet, she remained in his arms for a long time, before finally pulling back and standing up. "...Thank you..." She went inside, taking both blankets with her, inadvertantly, and not waiting for a response.

Sukita blinked and watched the door shut. A cold wind reminded him that his warmth was taken from him and he quickly hopped up and went inside soon afterwards.

Back to Writings