Looks: Helsa is very short, and can come off as very shrill-looking…but, man, check out her legs. Unless you’re poking around at his chest, you’d never know she’s not a woman. You’ll pretty much never find him wearing anything except her fishnet stockings and French maid outfit, not that that takes too much getting used to. Helsa can look very cute, too, because of his size, and this is usually only accented by her no-nonsense facial expression.

Smarts: He’s very smart in the area of knowing when people are insulting her. He’s obviously got enough brains to keep people fooled about her true gender, too…or maybe it’s just his womanly body. She’s bilingual, but stays surprisingly unconfused. It’s very hard to tell what’s going on in his head.

Personality: Polite and deferent to her superiors, until one of them disses him. She’ll warm up to you real fast if you act the right way or he thinks she can get you in the sack with him, but watch what you say after that. And never, ever try to take her feather duster away from him, or even say much of anything while she has it. That thing is deadly.

Home Economics: What can be said? He’s a maid, that’s what she does. He’s an expert cleaner, and even seems to have made a hobby of dusting…or a lifestyle of it. She loves to cook all manner of German cuisine, some of it delicious, some of it…not quite so delicious. To you, of course, it’s all delicious, though. If you don’t want a feather duster lodged in your forehead. Remember, though, that as your lover, Helsa is not your maid. If he’s not getting paid for her services, don’t act like he is.

Fighting Skills: Helsa is the German French maid force to be reckoned with. She doesn’t exactly have any fighting skills…at all. He just has a violent nature, and a lot of luck with pounding people into the ground and doing mean things with that duster. And she never hesitates when it comes to these things, either.

Special Abilities: Aside from being the opposite sex, the ability to cause harm that is mathematically impossible, and clean up a spill in record time.

Competition: Most people would be a little afraid at the thought of a romantic relationship with Helsa, so there shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Your biggest competition would be yourself…or Helsa himself, depending on how you look at it.

In-Laws: She has a large family in Germany, but most of them (especially his parents), want nothing to do with her. In other words, don’t worry about the in-laws until they come to your front door with a shotgun.

Economics: Helsa enjoys dusting so much that he does not get paid for her efforts. However, we all know how hard it is to find good help these days. Helsa is definitely worthy of a high salary, and wouldn’t take too much persuading to go for one. Just so long as you don’t have a problem telling people you’re married to a maid/female impersonator.

Sex: Well, that depends. Which way do you swing? Oh, that’s another thing…you may want to find out which way Helsa swings, too, before pursuing a relationship with him.

Overall: If you know when to keep your mouth shut, and are into female impersonators, Helsa could be just the (wo)man for you. It might take a lot out of you to woo her to the point of getting him to marry you, though. Maybe sleep with her a few times, first.

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