Relita lay on her back staring up at the ceiling which was plastered with photographs. Her hand rested on her chest, over the thin white scar that had been the beginning of the end of her life as she had known it. She felt a curious wetness on her cheeks and realized she was crying. It had been a long time since she had last cried. She remembered it very clearly. It had been the day she left. The day her whole childhood world had crumbled and she had taken the coward's way out. Relita had never forgiven herself for not saying goodbye.

Closing her eyes, she wished Sukita was here. Then she wished she hadn't thought that, because he wasn't here. Nobody knew where he was. This made the tears come faster, and she clutched the fabric of her sweater in her fist, clenching her jaw tightly. He was the one who had left this time, albeit not by his own will. But there was a knot of worry in Relita's stomach that made her feel like she was going to puke, and there was an ache inside of her that felt like it would never go away. Was this how niichan had felt when she had left? Had he gone through this terrible heart wrenching worry? Lita rolled over on her side, consumed with guilt, and tried not to think about it.

She had changed a lot since she had left him. She had done quite a lot of growing up in a very short amount of time. But when she had found out where he was...Lita swallowed. It had taken her an entire month to get up the nerve to come and see him. And even then, it had been the mob that had finally made her decide she needed a change of scenery. So she had come. But she should have known things would have been different. If she had changed, he most certainly would have. And she knew she should be happy for him, she should be happy because he was happy. But she wasn't. She was jealous. He had what she wanted, and at times like this, she felt very much the role of petty covetous little sister. She wanted the relationship they had had before. But, deep down inside of her, she knew it wouldn't happen unless she told him everything about that day she had left. And she couldn't do that. She could barely bring herself to talk about her feelings to anyone anymore. She was no longer the naiive little girl she had been. When she'd been working at the Kit Kat Club, she'd learned how to block her emotions. She guessed it was something you couldn't un-learn.

Relita rolled onto her side and clutched her pillow like a teddy bear. God, she wished she knew where niichan was. Wether he was okay or not. She wished there was something she could do. She felt so helpless just lying here worrying. Relita swallowed and closed her eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts were on Sukita. And even though she didn't believe in God, she uttered a small prayer for him. Just in case.

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