Jerome closed the door to his room and leaned against it heavily. He waited for the knob to turn, or to hear a knock. He stayed in the exact same position for several minutes, just waiting, until enough time had passed that he was sure she wasn't going to try to come in after him.
"Thank God," he breathed as he slowly slid down the door, his legs suddenly too weak to support him, leaning or not. Did that really just happen? It was starting to all feel like a hallucination. He'd needed to get away from her. He couldn't listen to any more. He could tell she wanted to talk about it, but he just couldn't do it. He'd showed weakness to her before, but this was not a time that he could handle that.
That feeling was starting to build up in the pit of his stomach...the one that he knew would eventually travel to the back of his throat and then spring to his tear ducts shortly thereafter. He knew they'd had problems but he wasn't expecting this...not at all. He knew he didn't spend enough time with her, but he tried to. He tried to be there for her. He knew that she wasn't the most stable person in the world, so he tried to be her stability...when he could.
When I can... He nearly laughed. Was that it, then? Was it just because he didn't care enough? He did care. She knew that, didn't she? How would she know? He let out a little cry of frustration. How was he supposed to figure anything out when he was sitting here arguing with himself?
Things were getting better though�or so he thought. They'd spent all that time together in Jackiland, he thought it had mended their mutual wounds. Was it, then, that there were wounds that were...less than mutual? Ones that he just hadn't seen?
He knew it was more than just the time spent together, though. They really didn't seem compatible, she was right about that. He didn't know where she was coming from half the time, and when he did, it was always about their relationship...always something he didn't want to hear. He was always doing something to bother her. "Are you okay, Jerome?" "I've missed you..." "It's been...a while." "Are we even together anymore?" How could they possibly stay together?
But...how could they possibly stay apart?
There were the tears. He'd been wondering why they hadn't come yet. He must have just gotten too used to holding them back.
She suggested at first that they take a "break." The idea sounded so ridiculous to him that he'd jumped to an obvious conclusion. A conclusion that only seemed right, but felt so, so wrong. "You're breaking up with me," he'd stated, expecting an agreement but hoping for a denial. "I don't know," was all he'd gotten. How could she not know?
It was probably just the way he was brought up, but he'd always thought of any sort of romantic relationship as sacred...like marriage vows. They weren't supposed to end... until death do us part. He reached up and wiped at his eyes, almost laughing again, but simply not finding the strength. Marriage wasn't exactly sacred, anyway. It was just harder to break up.
He wasn't sure what had caused the suddenness of it all. She said she'd been thinking about it for a while. How long was a while? Was he really capable of making someone that miserable? Someone he loved? He couldn't even stop her from carving herself up like a tofurkey, of course he could make her "that miserable." And why had she been crying? Was it because she felt sorry for him? If she really felt such a desperate need to be away from him, it seemed like it would be a relief for her when she finally did it. So it must have just been that she felt sorry for him. Then again, he obviously didn't know much about relationships.
He leaned his head against his knees, since they were right there. He'd given up on wiping the tears away, and just let them keep rolling on down. Didn't she understand how hard this had all been for him? To pull away from his dreamlike past? To move on? Didn't she know how hard it was for him to admit that he loved her? Didn't she remember? How could she end it like this? After everything, how could she...? Did she have any idea how much he loved her? He couldn't think of any substantial reason that didn't involve her being extremely shallow, or him being just about the worst guy on the planet. It was one or the other, and he'd seen Fue-chan. He knew she wasn't shallow.
Very suddenly, he pushed any remaining sobs back, and stood up with the help of the doorknob. This was ridiculous. A self-hatred complex wasn't going to help anyone. He knew what he had to do. There wasn't a place for him here anymore. During his relationship with Fue-chan, he'd gradually lost any other friends he'd made. He almost felt like he didn't know anyone anymore.
He opened his closet and pulled out a bag, moving very quickly. He'd just pack up a few things. Just the things he needed. He had to get out of here. His room was looking more and more drab the more he thought about it. Whether he was coming back or not, he didn't know. But he couldn't stay here now. He didn't have anybody here. He didn't have anybody anywhere. But he couldn't stay here now.
How did that song that Kate was always singing go? Oh yeah. "Thank you, Fue-chan, for putting me back in my snail shell..."
------
Kate was sitting in the lobby, bored as ever. But, this time, Sami and Piper were with her, bored as well. It was always nicer being bored with people than bored all alone.
She heard the elevator ding, and perked up. Maybe it was someone who could ease her boredom. She sank again. No...it was just Romi-chan...with a bag. She watched him glance around the nearly empty room and then head for the front door.
"Where are you going?" Piper asked, not really seeming to care.
Jerome stopped, turned, and paused. "I'm...going away for a little while."
Kate sat bolt upright. "WHAT???"
Jerome looked at her like she was insane. "I'm go--"
"I heard you!!! GAHHHH!!!! Seishi after Seishi I'll lose!!" She got up and started kicking the wall violently, while cursing to herself. The others stared at her for a moment, sweatdropping away, before awkwardly getting back to the conversation at hand.
Piper spoke first. "You're going away?"
Jerome nodded, careful not to make eye-contact with anyone.
"Well, where are you going?" The little pixie-girl inquired. She sounded like she'd have included the word "duh" if it would have fit with the sentence.
"I'm not sure...I'll know when I get there."
"Well, did you let Fue-chan know?"
Something passed through the Cetra's eyes that Piper desperately tried to figure out. She'd never seen him look like that before... "I don't...think Fue-chan necessarily wants to hear from me, right now," he replied. "If she asks, you'll let her know." It was a statement, not a request.
"Yeah..." Piper said slowly, studying him. "I suppose we will...if Kate doesn't bitch about it to the whole world, first."
Jerome nodded after a moment, and then started to turn for the door again.
"Jerome...?" It was Sami's voice, coming meekly from the corner of the couch he was huddled up in.
Jerome stopped where he was, and didn't look up. "What?"
Sami paused, not entirely sure of what he even wanted to say. "I...um...was...I mean..........."
"What Sami?" Jerome cut in, impatiently.
Sami blinked. Now he was even more at a loss for words.
"Did you want to apologize again?" Jerome asked bitterly. He turned his head to glare over at Sami, and he could only gaze back for a moment or two before Jerome's piercing eyes became too much for the boy. It looked like Jerome had been crying, though...Sami wondered why. It must have been something to do with Fue-chan.
Receiving no response from him, Jerome went on. "Because, you know, it really isn't helping anything." Sami flinched. Jerome hadn't been quite this blunt with him since he'd first realized who Sami was. "And, frankly, I'm getting tired of hearing it. Do you even know what you're apologizing for?" He took a few steps toward Sami, setting his bag down.
Piper furrowed her brow. "Hold on, Jerome..." His eyes were looking a little crazy. Like maybe he was projecting his anger.
"No, Piper, I'm tired of leaving this unsaid." His gaze didn't leave Sami. "Do you know, Sami?"
Sami stared down at his hands. Jerome actually expected an answer? How was he supposed to answer that? "I...hai, I do...."
"Oh, really? What was it then? It was that you killed my fianc�e, right?"
Sami flinched again, feeling more and more unsure. Where was Jerome going with this? "H-hai..." His voice was coming out much more weakly than he meant it to, and he could feel Jerome hovering over him, his anger so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"It WASN'T just that! You killed my WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY!!!"
Piper's eyes widened. She'd never heard him swear like that before. "Jerome, come on, you have to know it wasn't--"
"Shut up!!" he shouted at her, stepping still closer to Sami, looking ready to yank him out of seat and start pounding on him.
Sami didn't know what to do or say. An apology was all that came to mind, and he felt like that must be the worst thing he could do. So he just sat there, squeezing his hands into tight fists to keep from crying or shaking or doing anything else weak like that. If Jerome needed someone to hate, he wasn't about to start inspiring pity.
"It wasn't just her, Sami! I wasn't going to tell you, but I don't think you deserve your ignorance!!" His voice quieted to an almost menacing half-whisper. "There were two of them you killed that day."
Sami's eyes widened after a moment of careful thought on this statement and his gaze shot up to Jerome, Kate and Piper following in similar suit.
There was a long pause; Jerome's shaky breathing all that could be heard.
Finally, Kate spoke up, having long-since stopped kicking the wall. "Romi-chan...you had two girlfriends?"
Piper might have face-faulted under different circumstances. Jerome looked up at her, his eyes blazing with fury and anguish, but quickly coming to their senses. "I..." he looked away from everyone, abruptly heading back for his bag. "I'm leaving now." He picked it up and was out the door before anybody could say anything else.
Piper's eyes were wide, staring after him, with her hand cupped over her mouth in disbelief.
Kate sure didn't get it, but Sami did. Fourteen, then...he'd killed someone and not even known it. He stood up, slowly, starting to shake violently.
Piper turned her gaze to him, wishing to God he hadn't heard that. "Sami..."
Sami shook his head, stumbling awkwardly for the elevator. "It's okay, Piper-san...it's...I'm fine..." He made sure to stress the word "I."
Piper didn't know what to say, and Sami had already hit the "up" button anyway. She supposed there wasn't much she could do, so she just watched him go, sadly.
Sami wasn't exactly sure of what he intended to do...there wasn't anything he could do, of course. Nothing to make it better. He just really needed some alone time right now...and a razor blade. The elevator doors opened and he nearly collapsed inside, tearless sobs starting to rack his entire body before the doors even shut behind him.
Kate blinked. "Did I miss something??" She was very confused.
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