Aza walked silently down the hall, eyes shadowed. Inomi, peeking out of her doorway, rushed to meet him as he walked by. He brushed past her.

"Aza--!"

He paused, not turning.

"Why are you doing this?" she cried, wringing her hands. "It's not doing anyone any good!"

He began walking again, offering no reply, but she ran forward and grabbed his arm. He threw her off roughly, turning toward her at last, and the tears gleaming on his face shocked her into silence.

"Let it be, Inomi," he told her in a low voice.

"Why Seibrum-san?" she asked, her voice quiet but fierce. "Why, when you know that he and Kyuu-san-"

"Let it be, Inomi!" he cut in warningly.

"-he and Kyuu-san were just reunited! I won't let you spoil this just because your relationship got wrecked!"

He hit her hard in the stomach and she crumpled like so much paper. So very weak, he thought. As she sank down, gasping, he said quietly, "what gives you the right to judge me?"

Curled into a ball on the hardwood floor, Inomi didn't reply; she was too busy trying to take back the breath he'd knocked out of her. He leaned down and pulled her head up, forcing her to look at him. "For both of our sakes, stay out of it."

He released her, standing and walking away. Vaguely, he heard her struggle to her feet behind him. She'd go to Seibrum now, most likely, trying to undo the damage he'd done.

He sped up his pace, fleeing outdoors before anyone else could stop him. The shock of the cold snow on his bare feet jolted him, but he went on, filling his senses with the quiet presence of the forest outside the hotel.

It felt good to run again, the icy wind whipping through his clothes and driving snow into his face and hair. It had been a long time since he'd given himself over to the wild like this, and it made him feel freer. When he stopped at last, he found himself in front of a small pond whose surface was shiny with ice.

All around him, the world was hushed in the way that only falling snow could produce. He immediatly thought to run again- the perfect silence allowed his thoughts to turn inward. But before he could take a step, he was caught up in a flurry of memories that froze him in place more surely than the winter cold ever could.

"And. . . he loves you."

It was a lie. Such a terrible, unfair lie, that reached into the emptiness at the center of him and wrenched it so that it ached. Eran had meant it to comfort him, but all it did was remind him of what he couldn't have. Beauty that he would never touch again.

He tilted his head up, toward the blackened night sky, trying to drive the pain back into numbness. The numbness was awful, but it was better than the pain.

It was a long time before he opened his eyes again, and when he did he began to undress mechanically.

He'd thought that seducing Seibrum would fill that gap inside him, fulfill the longing it had created. But when all was said and done, he felt even emptier than before. And worse, he'd hurt Seibrum.

Selfish, he thought. Careless. Maybe he'll hate you now.

"Don't ruin this just because your relationship got wrecked!"

He smiled bitterly, leaving his clothes in the snow. Testing the ice on the pond with his foot, he found it weak. It would break easily. It was unbelievably cold.

He took a step and plunged into the water.

Aza felt the ice shatter and suddenly the world was a thousand frozen needles stabbing him from all directions. The pain wiped his senses clean and it was purity, beautiful and torturous, peace and agony paralled. It was almost--

He inhaled water then and the darkness opened up beneath him, so welcoming, and he was sinking, falling, the pain was fading away. . . .

He was vaguely aware of being hauled upward, and the conscious part of him protested, but he couldn't seem to move his limbs to struggle. Then he was hit by a blast of wind as he landed in something solid and soft, and the awful coughing started. Something steadied him as he retched up pondwater and finally collasped into the merciful darkness.

Aku looked down at Aza's limp form in disgust. "That wasn't the smartest thing ya ever did, darlin'," she muttered in irritation. His lips and fingertips were absolutely purple. In fact, his entire body seemed to have a blueish tint to it, which meant that she didn't even have time to stop and appreciate that he was naked.

"Yer damn lucky I happened along, or ya'd be a frozen fox."

She sighed and lifted him up with strength surprising for someone as small as she was. Laying his snow-covered clothes across his body, she started off toward the hotel.

Back to Writings