June 24, 2005

You tell me to stop taking myself so seriously, and I tell you that I can't take myself serious enough.

"Lighten Up!" you laugh, like small bells but I am more shadow than sun.

... because you can't see the smile doesn't mean it isn't there.

My eyes are too deep to explain how many people have drowned in them... about how I was no one's saviour and yet, I was the one that they called to as the undertow dragged them down.

I can be cold, far colder than even you have seen me but temperance has been kind to me... She allowed me to learn that lesson through words, inevitability, and the scars I carry.

Even as I sit and take that first long sip of wine, it means something more than just what it is... As the first rush runs to my head, it sends me into a tailspin of memories... (or fantasies?)

...nights of satin sheets, sticking to sweating flesh... our bodies moving in a rhythm that is neither in unison or discord. That is where my happiness lies.

It is when you scream my name and drag your nails down my back... it is in the marks you leave behind, even the ones that that don't show.

My happiness is in my own sense of self - whatever that may be.