The portfolio pieces that show my professional growth the most were my class newsletter and my success story. As a perfectionist, I am very hesitant to allow my students to do anything for me. As a result I do the bulletin boards myself, take up all the papers myself, etc. I am very particular of the way things appear and are done. As a former editor I am used to dealing with writers who have a different style than me and I tend to be accepting of different forms and styles of expression. I allowed my students to turn in articles on various topics that I listed on the board and then I edited them and returned them until they were print worthy. Including articles that they had written in the newsletter involved them and allowed them to be proud of and show off their work and made me realize that I don't have to do it all myself to be satisfied with the results. This was one of many revelations that I made about myself that helped me grow both professionally and personally. Those revelations and the growth they helped foster are documented in my success story.
Although my class was not required (just encouraged) to write a blog, I am very glad that I did. It is pages and pages of realizations, reflections of growth. In fact, some of the things I wrote about, I have trouble going back and reading now because some of the experiences were so painful. Sometimes the most valuable lessons are the hardest to learn. I think my blogs from January 2005 are some of the most articulate at describing what I was experiencing. One interesting thing that I noticed when I went back through my archives and read the backblogs, is that I seem to become more balanced. Instead of just agonizing over my school, I start focusing on other positive things that are going on in my life, my family, my pregnancy and baby, etc. I think that two years ago I could have been described as a workaholic. Now I think I have learned to set more boundaries and I am leading a more balanced life.
I also think that I have done a lot of growing up in the past two years. I blogged several times about trying to be a good role model and having to bite my tongue and hold back laughter (and sometimes tears) when my students said and did various things. I think teaching has taught me patience (I have at least an iota of patience now) and forced me to gain more control of my emotions. Professionally, I have become a much more efficient teacher than I was when I started. I have much more confidence in my ability as an educator and as a disciplinarian. I remember during our first year teaching, Ben and Germain had us rate our strengths and weaknesses as teachers. I remember that I rated myself low on consistency. Germain made a pretty big deal out of that fact and stressed that consistency was essential to being a good teacher. I felt horrible, but I honestly did not feel that I was being consistent when it came to discipline. In the environment I was teaching in teachers' disciplianry actions were not supported and often undermined. It took moving to a different school district to fully appreciate the difference between things I have control over and things I cannot control.