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Salam Alekhum.
I became Muslim almost three years ago, right after Ramadan in between the
two Eids.
My spiritual search lasted over thirty years. I was born a Catholic and
found many things I did not agree with: I believe in Jesus, but did not
believe that he was the son of God, nor that he was God. I concluded on my
own that he was a rabbi, since he was a learned Jew and a teacher. Because
of this I went and studied under rabbis and learnt the Tanakh, the Torah and
some of the laws of Judaism. I learnt the Kosher laws and the proper way of
cooking, and the rules of being a woman. It became natural that men and
women prayed separated as the women were together. Though Judaism was not
the answer for me, I gained an understanding of its religious and spiritual
ways.
I then looked into women spirituality but found that it was lacking
something, it was not always monotheistic in practice because they believe
in a Goddess, and disclaimed many teachings by re-inventing a new way of
life. I had a great deal of problems with God being a woman since I did not
believe He was a man either. I liked the Judaic way that God was unseen and
unknown. Because of this I could not understand their teachings but I did
agree in the equality of men and of women. Because of this I respect their
search but their methods did not appeal to me.
In 1990, I learnt about native spirituality. Though they believe in the
Creator and the oneness of the world I could not become native - I had to
find my own spirituality. I was shocked when my country Canada went to war
against Mohawks in 1990. I fought side by side with them for about five
years. I was working but at that time I was offered a choice, I saw two
paths in front of me: one the path of God, the other the path of man. I made
a conscious commitment towards God, that I would serve Him and use my
talents to propagate His word and His message, that is, one of Peace and of
Justice through his laws.
I chose the path of God instead of that of "man" - in this case human. When
the crisis was finished after five years, God guided me back to my spiritual
roots.
Most of my life I had friends that came from North Africa and the Middle
East. They were Jewish, Christian and Muslim, but whether they observed
their religion or did not, it mattered little to me, as I did not believe in
organized religion. I have strongly believed all my life that I should talk
directly to God and ask what I needed and thank Him for what He gave me. I
also strongly believe in the equality of men and women, and the equality of
all races in front of God and of people. Christianity
taught me about Jesus, whom I believed in. Judaism showed me I could talk to
God directly, that men and women should worship separately, and that God had
dietary laws. Mohawks showed me that men and women were equal though they
had different obligations. Where could I find all of this. No religion, no
teachings could offer me all of this, but God was there to guide me.
When I was twenty five years old, I met and fell in love with a young man.
He was Iraqi by birth, Jewish by religion, and lived in Israel for many
years. He came to Canada in the 1970's, and we met and fell in love. Then
there was a war in between Israel and Lebanon. We were to get married and he
decided to go back and fight in the army. Sadly, he was killed. For many
years I kept the hurt bottled up inside of me. But Allah protected my heart
and gave me a great gift. I met a Lebanese girl, she was Shia Muslim. She
was not very religious but she was proud to be Muslim. We talked and I told
her what happened, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me she
lost her brother during that same war. To this day we do not know if her
brother killed my boyfriend or vice versa, maybe they did not kill one
another that too is a possibility. What came out of this, after the tears
and the hurt is that we became very good friends, and she helped me heal my
aching heart. I also saw the horrors of war and it's evilness, how people
get hurt.
In 1995 there was a controversy in Montreal about women wearing Hijab, so I
decided to document this myself, and look for interviews since I had a spot
on the radio for about 4 years, doing Native, North African and Middle
Eastern news. I met through a friend this very kind woman, she is Iraqi -
Allah does work in unusual ways - who spoke about the importance of wearing
Hijab and what it meant to her. What struck me with her was her deep
commitment towards God whom she called Allah. I was impressed by her
truthfulness and her kindness of heart.
She explained to me what was Islam. She told me that "There is no other GOD
but GOD". Men and women were equal, that all races were equal in front of
GOD, that Jesus was a Prophet not a rabbi, that Maryam his mother was a
great example, and that the dietary laws were less strict than in Judaism.
To my astonishment this is what I believe in. I started being friends with
her and within one month I became Muslim like her. I recited my Shahada with
her.
This was three years ago. I now wear Hijab and I am very happy. I have gone
back to University and am studying religions. My field is Islam, and I would
like to go as far as my doctorate and become proficient in law for women,
and Hadith. I am presently writing a book about women and Islam in the 7th
century in English. I now have a radio show which I co-produce with my
friend through whom I became Muslim. It lasts half an hour. We talk to women
from around the world and from various religious denominations. I try with
the help of teachers and religious leaders to de-mystify Islam and the
message of Islam. I am also trying to document in film the life of Muslim
women and their role in society.
Allah guided me and gave me what I was looking for through Islam. Because of
this I try to use my pen and the airwaves to give a broad picture of all the
facets of Islam and see the unity in the diversity that is Islam.
My Muslim name is Um-Khalthum, like the daughter of Prophet Muhammad. She
has inspired me to be a good Muslim as she too was a convert or revert to
Islam.
This is my story. My first love was for an Iraqi Jewish young man, who died
stupidly in a war, my heart was broken. I was left in pieces in Lebanon, yet
a Lebanese Muslim woman started the mending process. But my heart was healed
by another Iraqi, this time a Muslim woman, because she introduced me to
Islam and invited to become Muslim. From the pain of loss the joy of finding
a way of life that brings me closer to Allah.
May Allah guide all of those who have a broken heart. And remember that the
message of Islam is that of peace and of harmony. Before we heal we must
talk about the hurt, and Allah does heal our hearts by putting people in our
path that are there to guide us to HIM.
Wa Salam
Um-Khalthum (Celine)
Source > > http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/newmuslims/ |
