|
In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the
most reliable and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is
contained within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known as
Hadith, which are the sayings and doings and tacit approval of things said
or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.) are a second
source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply will answer your
question.
According to Islam, procreation is not the sole and only purpose of
marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and
enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful
relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes play
their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern sexual
relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely an aim, it is
not an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose, but nonetheless
enjoyment and other purposes also play significant roles in married life as
evidenced by the Islamic teachings which relate to sexual relations.
Although the primary purpose of sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not
forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an is the
story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s.(See FootNote#1) (Christian spelling
-- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into his old
age. One verse in particular reads:
"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife is
barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]
"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I did
indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an 19:9]
The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple carrying on
sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies that these
relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for Muslim couples.
You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament with
reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days and nights
as a sign from God.
In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our relatively
recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great Sufi Shaikh,
Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of Ramadan 470 A.H [some
historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother
was 60 years of age at the time of his birth.
In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can see
another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The Prophet
Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40) when he was 25
years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his entire 26 years of
marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age of 54, but this was three
years after the death of Khadija. It was after this marriage that he then
took other wives. By the way, many non-Muslim writers have directed a great
deal of unjust criticism against him for this. In fact all of these women
were quite old or were widows who had been left destitute and without
protection during those troubled times. And so as the head of State at
Medina, the only proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad
p.b.u.h. could extend both protection and maintenance to them was by
marriage.(See Foot'note#2) [see also Appendix A] Those marriages were not
only consummated, but ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to
us through the Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations
are considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always
considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St. Augustine
himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or sinfulness in it,
and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it was the legal
institution of a country."(See Foot'note#3) This subject matter, however, is
another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]
We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his book
'Marriage in Islam'. In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great detail the
advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among the advantages that
he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the natural urge, companionship,
comfort and relief to the soul, and so on. He also discusses the
disadvantages and the types of burdens and risks involved with marriage. All
of the advantages or benefits are in effect meant to be regarded as the
secondary purpose of marriage which supplement its major aim or purpose,
namely procreation. We would highly recommend that you read this excerpt for
a more complete understanding of our present response to you.
With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also strongly
suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" by
Imam al-Ghazzali. (See Foot'Note#4) [see also Appendix C] We would
particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the rationale and
reasoning for the recommendation of marriage - even for the impotent. In his
Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other purposes of marriage and that is
to fulfil the natural sexual desires as well as to experience its joy and
protection from the perils of lust.
If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone, but
for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of piety and
devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this is as the
Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been described as
spiritualizing temporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You might also refer
to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of relaxation and recreation
for the soul and so on.
Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam al-Ghazzali
also sets out the PropheticTraditions which deal with the pleasures of
'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are permitted when the wife is
menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to go so far as to copulate by
means of penetration into the vagina during menstruation.
Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes
adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant by
sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any alliances of
this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin and an odious
offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind, that fall outside of
lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For example:
"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening
the road (to other evils)." [Qur'an 17:32]
"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each of them
with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their case, in a
matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let
a party of the Believers witness their punishment." [Qur'an 24:2]
"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but cannot
produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes and their
testimony should never be believed." [Qur'an 24:4]
Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:
1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of God is
to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'" [Bukhari &
Muslim]
2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself of
herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of God." [Dailami]
3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."
4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of
population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that place.' [Dailami]
More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love
and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who
reflect." [Qur'an 30:21]
"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will
be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."
[Qur'an 25:74]
"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will."
[Qur'an 2:223]
Hadith: "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the Qur'anic
verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah forgive him.
The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the
company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar)
accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge and the
followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used
to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their
backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women.
This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of
the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with
them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.
When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of
the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked
it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the
back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The matter of theirs spread
widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him).
So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth
to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in front, from
behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery
of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from the Hadith literature: Sunan Abu-Dawud,
Book 11, Number 2159]
"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives.
They are your garments and ye are their garments." [Qur'an 2:187]
"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has
created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the
pleasure of living with her . . ." [Qur'an 7:189]
"And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and
made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and
provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain
things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?" [Qur'an 16:72]
Hadith: On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the
messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off
with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast, and they give
away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He said:" Has not Allah
made things for you to give away in charity ? Every tasbihah is a charity,
every takbirah is a charity, every tahmidah is a charity, and every tahlilah
is a charity, to enjoin a good action is a charity, to forbid an evil action
is a charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is a charity." They
said: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will
he have some reward for that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to
act upon it unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon
it lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]
Appendix A
From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications, Calcutta
1981. Pages 243-247.
Marriages of the Holy Prophet
"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who was
fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone that he
passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died three years
before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After the sad demise of
Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a helpless one in great
distress. She was one of the earliest converts to Islam who had suffered
many hardships for the cause of Truth.
The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend Abu
Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon him).
Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh
resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell as
martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet and his
companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the orphans who had
been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad (peace be upon him)
undertook the major burden on himself and married Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar,
whose husband had died in the battle of Badr. It was on this ground of
clemency and compassion that the Holy Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter
of Khuzaimah, who had been deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were
non-Muslims living in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there
was none to take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable
household of the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received
fatal injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant
widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition and
honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the marriage
of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in the foregoing
pages and it has been established that this marriage was governed by some
important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate the customs of adoptive
affinity and also to remove the false notion then prevalent in society that
the divorce of a noble lady by a freed slave undermined her prestige.
Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his lot to
take under his protection and share their sufferings and sorrows, the Holy
Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in marriage. The entry of
these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased
with them) in the house of the Holy Prophet, became the means whereby
relations with various tribes were cemented and this is how hostilities came
to an end.
It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were governed
mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his faithful
followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were bereft of the
love and care of their husbands. This fact has been acknowledged even by the
critics of the Prophet. "It would be remembered, however," says Bosworth
Smith, "that most of Muhammad's marriages may be explained, at least, as
much by his pity for the forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by
other motives."
Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to
conciliate the heads of rival factions.
Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important than
those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad (peace be
upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men, but also for
women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance, training and instruction
in the same way as the males. The Holy Prophet was fully cognizant of the
need of Muslim society. He had, therefore, in the best interest of the
Ummah, endeavored to create a new leadership amongst women, which, like its
counterpart amongst men could, by precept and example, help the formation of
a new type of womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this
objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect specimen of
Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women, belonging to
different social groups, having different tastes and tendencies and
different intellectual standards to enter his household as his wives and
then by his close personal contact, nurture and train their God-given
faculties so perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam that they
could serve as pillars of light not only for the womenfolk of the Islamic
commonwealth, but for the whole of womankind. One or two woman could not
undertake this heavy responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this
need.
Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training
essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social activities,
whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily her home. It is the
wife alone who shares with the husband even the most secret affairs of life.
The Holy Prophet could not prepare the specimen of Islamic womanhood unless
he allowed some ladies to enter the innermost chambers of his domestic life.
In view of the teachings of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only
the noble wives of the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and
mankind owes a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they
communicated to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's
private life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been
made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The injunction
of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have the best example'
(33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred life, but his whole life .
It was with a view to achieving this objective, i.e., the authentic
transmission of the Prophet's home life to the people that a few noble
ladies were made to enter his house as his wives.
The Qur'anic verse: 'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to
change them for others (33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all his
other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with the will
of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when it was
achieved, a restriction was place upon him.
That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can well be
judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of one wife,
Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a Prophet, and
during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he had only to instil
in the minds of the people the fundamentals of faith, i.e., Oneness of God,
apostlehood of Muhammad, life after death, he did not feel the necessity of
marrying any other lady. After the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a
widow of advanced age. But with the migration to Medina when Islamic society
was established, the Muslims were required to conform their social and
personal behaviour to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical
guidance in all walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by
the life example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but
numerous problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every
step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the people as
it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not speak of his own
desire' (Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him in whatever he utters
by way of spiritual guidance or practical legislation. Now, whatever the
Holy Prophet said or did in public could easily be conveyed to the other
people for their guidance. But what about his private life which was equally
important and divinely inspired and had to serve as an example for the
Believers? It is through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the
Muslims learnt the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not
an ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was
admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with them).
How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of Muhammad's
marriages?
It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy
Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon him)
close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that his was a
life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to Allah, absolutely
free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated on the authority of
Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the chiefs of the Quraysh
approached the holy Prophet and said:
" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you our
leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous amount of
wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your descendants; if
you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten beautiful damsels out of
the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet kept silent and did not utter a
word. When their talks concluded, the holy Prophet recited the following
verse of the Qur'an:
Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of which the
verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know and the bearer
of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn aside so that they
hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]
The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them with
the following verse:
Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the 'Ad
and Thamud. [Qur'an 51: 13]
Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for Allah,
his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in his eyes the
worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him, even for a moment,
form the noble cause for which he stood and suffered all kinds of hardships
and privations. No opportunity could be more attractive than that this
offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures,
if he were so inclined."
Appendix B
Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
402. It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim law is
more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of society than the
other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in any case. Supposing
there is a case in which a woman has young children, and falls chronically
ill, becoming incapable of doing the household work. The husband has no
means of employing a maid-servant for the purpose, not to speak of the
natural requirements of conjugal life. Supposing also that the sick woman
gives her consent to her husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is
found who agrees to marry the individual in question. Western law would
rather permit immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this
afflicted home.
403. In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy when a
woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not impose
polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just remarked that
it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is true of the first
wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes without saying that the
second woman may refuse to marry a man who has already one wife; we have
seen that no one can force a woman to enter into a marriage tie without her
own consent. If the woman agrees to be a "co-wife" it is not the law which
should be considered as cruel and unjust with regard to women and as
favouring only men. As to the first wife, the act of polygamy depends on
her. For, at the time of her marriage, she may demand the acceptance and
insertion, in the document of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her
husband would practise monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other
condition of a legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this
right of hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We
have just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible
remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this exception has
multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the details would be
burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of this elasticity.
404. In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the
number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were polygamous.
Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with monogamy, Jesus Christ
himself never uttered a word against polygamy; on the other hand, there are
eminent Christian theologians, like Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who
would not hesitate to deduce the legality of polygamy from the parable of
the virgins spoken of in the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ
envisages there the possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as
ten girls simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the
permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given them),
the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the Muslims also, whose
law is moreover the only one in history which expressly limits the maximum
permissible number of polygamous wives. (For Christian theory and practice,
as well as for general discussion, cf. also Encyclopedia Britannica, under
the articles, Marriage, and Polygamy; Westermarck, History of Human
Marriage, 3 Vols.)
***
In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his
original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the
wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah'
is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was
his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the
name would be 'the father of the name of a son.' How this came about is
quite edifying. One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question
that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer.
The question was, "Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband
at a time?" To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she
knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a
promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then
assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she gathered a group
of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large
bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to
fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into
the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups
taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. This,
obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind
of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With
more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have
exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying
parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam
Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu
Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place
in history.
Appendix C
This is a grammatically edited excerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah' from
Imam Ghazzali's 'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim. Also blended
with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in
Islam' and this is a translation of the same chapter by Muhtar Holland.
Benefits of marriage
There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual urges,
(3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service, and (5) to gain
rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are not dealt with in this
Appendix.]
(1) To beget children. This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is to
engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are accomplished
through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam is propagated by
increasing the number of followers of the Prophet, p.b.u.h. (iii) parents
will hope to leave behind children who will pray for them (iv) and if a
child dies before the parents, the prayers of the child in Paradise will be
very beneficial for the parents.
The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man. It is
a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example a landowner
who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed and the tools for
cultivation, and who has also given this servant land for cultivation. Now
if the servant refuses to till this land and instead allows it to remain
uncultivated, useless and dormant, and furthermore, if he also carelessly
destroys the seeds, it is clear then that this servant will become an object
of wrath by the landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the
wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile field
and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He also
created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of
children through the use of these organs. This is proof of God's design. The
Prophet has clearly substantiated this when he said "Marry and keep a
family". He who does not marry, destroys these seeds and allows these tools
to lie useless and dormant and he thereby goes against God's wishes.
Infanticide has also been prohibited by God for this reason.
From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]
If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the plague-stricken
Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest I meet Allah as a
celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh had no expectation of
children at that moment, so how do you explain his desire for marriage?" but
to this I would reply as follows: The child is produced by sexual
intercourse. Intercourse is brought about by the prompting of sexual
appetite, which is an involuntary impulse. The only voluntary contribution a
man can make is to procure the stimulus to sexual desire, and this can
normally be anticipated. One who has contracted a marriage has therefore
performed his duty and done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own
volition.
That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the stirring
of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation. Indeed, the
recommendation to marry extends even to the totally castrated person who can
never expect children, in much the same way as a bald man is recommended to
pass the razor across his pate as others do (on Pilgrimage), following the
example of the righteous ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known as
ramal and idtiba are still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original
purpose of these was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers,
the imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for
later generations.
Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of
abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled.
[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
(2) The second benefit of marriage
The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of the
devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The Prophet
said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the
remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is able to marry,
should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, for
fasting diminishes his sexual power." The pleasure which lies within sexual
intercourse is an example of happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit
derived from a thing in which there is no pleasure.
(3) The third benefit of marriage
Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace of
mind is necessary for divine service. God says: "It is He Who has created
you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order
that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her." Hazrat Ali said: "Give
peace to the mind because it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed." There
is a Hadith which says that there are three special times for a wise man: -
he speaks secretly with his Lord at one time, he takes account of his
actions at another time, and he occupies himself with food and drink at
another time. In another narration, a wise man is not desirous except in
three matters: to earn his livelihood for the next world, to earn his
livelihood for this world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The
Prophet said: "There is effort in every action and there is struggle in
every effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards my Sunnah and guidance.
The Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my sexual
passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three things are
dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and prayer, the latter is
coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.
From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]
He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as
one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.
Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a link
between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is pleasure and
the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance, relieving oneself is
a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end in itself.) No, the
begetting of children is the aim of nature and the divine Wisdom, while
sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.
By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation, apart from
the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in satisfying it. If
only that delight were lasting, it would be unparalleled by any other joy.
It gives a foretaste of the delights we are promised in Paradise, for the
prospect of a bliss we had never tasted would fail to impress. The prospect
of sexual intercourse would hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the
pleasures of kingship and dominion serve to excite the interest of the very
young. One advantage of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them
permanently in Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.
Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two lives
derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an inner life.
The outer life is the life a man leads through the continuance of his line,
which constitutes a kind of survival, while the inner life is the
Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual satisfaction], deficient because it
is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a desire for perfect bliss, for bliss
everlasting, and serves as an incentive to the worship which lead to its
attainment. Desiring this so ardently, the creature finds it easier to
persevere in the course that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.
Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]
This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company and
sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is refreshed
and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs) is prone to boredom
and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to it. If constrained to
persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and backs away, whereas if
revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires new strength and vigor. In
familiarity with women, one finds the relaxation to banish cares and to
refresh the heart.
The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted
One said:
"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]
[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
Sexual etiquette in marriage
At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by
reciting "Bismillah" and recite the Takbir and Tahlil after Chapter Ikhlas
and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good
issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from
Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring)
from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan
will never be able to harm that offspring." The result is that the devil
will not be able to injure a child that is born from this intercourse.
Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the
body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close his mouth and
say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which says: When anyone of
you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her, but let him speak
words of love to her and then kiss each other. The Prophet said: Let none of
you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy
before cohabitation. Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said,
'kisses and words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness
of a male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they
separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health; secondly,
rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e., by rejecting a
gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual intercourse with the
wife or the female who is legally permitted, without talking to her or
kissing her or by being unable to restrain the ejaculation of semen before
that of his wife.
It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle and last
days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a Friday evening.
After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay some time upon his
wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to climax. It is painful for her
to be separated from her husband once her sexual passion has been aroused.
A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once every
four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be increased or
decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time of her menstruation
is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse
e.g. enjoy the region beneath the petticoat, or if there be such a need,
even use the wife's hand for his ejaculation and stop short of actual
copulation [in Arabic terminology, this is known as jima' bil yad, which
means 'intercourse by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so
go to your tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his
wife during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without
copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.
Appendix D
An excerpt from "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one pays
taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam considers
this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as important as belief,
worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance is deep: One unites the
spiritual and the temporal in a single whole, and one pays the tax not as a
corvee or even as a social duty, but solely for the sake of God. When this
duty of paying taxes becomes fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty
unto God from Whom nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of
resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand with
what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the performance of
this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam except in the way of
God; and it is not difficult to understand that such a soldier is more apt
to be humane and will not seek any earthly gain in the course of risking his
life. By spiritualizing the temporal duties, Islam has had no other motives
but strengthening the spiritual side of man, who in, this manner, far from
seeking the material advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to
obtain only the pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort
of polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the
following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it is shirk
(polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on the contrary,
if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the carnal pleasure, but
for performing the duty imposed by God, then that is an act of piety and
devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward from God, as the Prophet has
observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167, 187, etc.)
Endnotes
1. The tomb of the Prophet Zakariya alaihi-salam (may Allah be pleased with
him), is located in the great Omayyad Mosque in Aleppo which is a city in
northern Syria.
2. From "The Sayings of Muhammad" by Allama Sir Abdullah Al-Mamun
Al-Suhrawardy, pg 41. Charles E. Tuttle Company, Boston 1992.
3. Ibid, pg. 42
4. 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' (Chapter Adab-an-Nikah) from
Book 12 of Ihya'ulum ad-din by Imam al-Ghazzali. This is an English
translation from the original Arabic by Muhtar Holland and published
byAl-Baz Publishing Inc.
Article by, Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills
Source > > http://www.zawaj.com |
