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Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of
marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman
Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy
in Islam".
Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well
as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman".
The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away
there from is not from amongst me".
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not
become a slave to his/ her desires.
It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established
and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage
is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and
a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither
condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges
us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we
remain dignified and not become like animals.
The purpose of Marriage
The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general
it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the
sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate
children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a
means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is
obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible
way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by
choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.
Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter
which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment
and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress
where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your
choice
for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage
so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain
conditions must be met.
1) consent of both parties.
2) "Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.
3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.
4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it
leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.
Is Marriage obligatory ?
According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas,
marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory.
Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general
opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not
marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a
person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to
marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the
means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to
maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes
children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious
obligation.
The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to
marry
He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let
him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by
Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and
upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.
Selection of a partner
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The
prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with
marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be
expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The
couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a
lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that
believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go
out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together
alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan."
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west.
There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other
out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical
relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young
people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful
to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the
west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years,
are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee
the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a
everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real
world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often
contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged
marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be
more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do
not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an
Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini
into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical
attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the
compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful.
Consent of parties
There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange
marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are
agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future
spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval
of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her
welfare and interests. The prophet said "The widow and the divorced woman
shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be
married until her consent is obtained". The prophet did revoke the marriage
of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her
wishes.
The husband/wife relationship
-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is
established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen
tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick.
A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial
responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be
assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.
The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and
general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where
he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate
so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household
duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford
to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who
is the best husband.
(2) "Mahr"
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt
or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is
not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be
non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. "Mahr" is a gift from the
groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby
the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This
practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no
specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It
depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity,
respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he
has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and
blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and
wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes
and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her
husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other
person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e.
sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the
house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a
strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his
approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband
possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his
permission.
A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be
responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as
this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to
adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health
and general consideration should be given.
Obedience
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit
running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be
obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader
is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a
teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted
to them.
Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the
permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the
husband rights. |
