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Before a Muslim man steps into an inter-faith marriage,
there are numerous issues that he must understand himself and discuss with
his non-Muslim wife-to-be. Some issues are:
COMMUNITY AND SOCIAL ISSUES TO CONSIDER FOR AN INTER-FAITH MARRIAGE : Here I
will discuss the issues considering social and practical implications that
can generally affect an inter-faith marriage. These issues will include
religious compatibility, relationships with non-Muslim relatives,
friendships circle, religious celebrations, food, social gatherings,
acceptable dress code, cultural awareness and religious tolerance, charity,
volunteer activities.
Before a Muslim man steps into an inter-faith marriage, there are numerous
issues that he must understand himself and discuss with his non-Muslim
wife-to-be.
RELIGIOUS COMPATIBILITY : Given the western environment so resentful and
inconsiderate toward Islam, its always better to have peace in the "home."
The family life will be much worry-free and harmonious if both spouses
belong to the same religion and agree on same theology esp. if cultural
differences also exist. Islam allows marriage to a Christian or Jew woman,
but only under certain conditions. As described earlier in the first
portion, the inter-faith marriages are permissible only in an Islamic
society.
It is always better to introduce the woman to Islam and encourage her to
become Muslima BEFORE marrying her. It will allow the woman to realize if
she can take Islam as her religion and raise kids as Muslims; or if she has
any innate notions against Islam or unwillingness to follow Islamic way of
life. Most probably it will become self-evident to the man that what type
family life can he expect from her as a wife.
RELATIVES & FRIENDS AND THEIR INFLUENCE : Certain situations when dealing
with non-Muslim relatives and friends may occur and can lead to
unanticipated misunderstandings.
Non-halaal Items :
A non-Muslim woman is not bounded by Islamic values regarding dressing up,
mixed parties, eating non-halaal foods and consuming alcohol. She MAY avoid
all such items voluntarily to make family life pleasant or as a goodwill
gesture to please her Muslim husband, if he doesn't like them. Otherwise,
she is under no obligation to avoid what is allowed to her by her religion.
By getting married to a non-Muslim woman, the husband should realize that he
has already agreed to her being a non-Muslima and should not expect a woman
to behave like Muslima if she is not one.
A Muslim should expect that the family will be invited to certain parties
and dinner where all non-halaal items may be served. He may want to shun
away from enjoying all the non-Islamic items, but the non-Muslim wife may
want to consume them.
Personally I don't like participating in meals where Non-Muslim relatives
and family friends offer prayers in the names other than Allah at their
dinner tables and show no consideration for other people. It will be
difficult to make kids not to eat certain non-halaal items while the
non-Muslim mother enjoys them. Again, it is upon the woman's discretion to
avoid all or some of the non-permissible items in Islam.
Non-Muslim Celebrations :
Often the problems with non-Muslim relatives arise with the birth of a baby.
Most christian grand-parents attempt to test the waters by giving the new-borns
baptism or celebrate other religious ceremonies. In that event, unless the
non-Muslim wife makes sure her side of family understands her husband's
reservations about such celebrations, the situation may get tense at such a
joyful occasion and may leave bitter memories.
Grandparents and other relatives may also want to celebrate (religiously)
Christmas and, above all, Good Friday- a true christian holiday
commemorating the Friday of so-called Jesus's death on the cross and his
rising from the dead on Sunday.
Non-Muslims friends will also invite the family on their religious events
and the non-Muslim wife may want to participate and take the kids with her
to such celebrations and festivities. At such instances, it may be difficult
to participate in their ceremonies and esp. in telling the kids what not eat
and whom not to pray to.
FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE :
The family has friends from both faiths and it will be unfair that you have
only Muslims friends. But sometimes certain outside non-Muslim influences in
the marriage and esp. on the kids are to be avoided.
ACCEPTABLE DRESS :
Islam prescribes the dress codes for man and woman. Not many Muslim men and
women, either living in secular Muslim countires or the West, today follow
the dress code perfectly. However, most Muslim women still do not go around
normally in sleveless shirts, shorts or bikinis. If the Muslim man is trying
to follow his religion then he will obviously prefer his wife and kids to be
dressed properly. If the wife is non-Muslim then she is under no obligation
to follow a strict Islamic dress code. But she may choose to dress up in
proper manner again to please her husband, not to offend him and to guard
her beauty from other men. But, then again, it will be her choice which may
fluctuate with her relationship with the Muslim husband.
CULTURAL VALUES :
There are certain western customs that may not be acceptable for a Muslim
husband. Mixed parties usually include dancing and drinking. Hugging and
kissing cheeks of male and female friends is another practise which is not
permissible in many Islam. The Muslim husband may have to clarify these
issues with his non-Muslim wife.
RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE IN THE FAMILY :
If a Muslim man marries a non-Muslima, either practising Jewess or Christian
(a sharaii requirement), then she probably will continue to practise her
religion after the marriage. If she does, then she will demand the liberty
to attend, contribute, volunteer and work for her religion.
Since, the advent of Islam in the West has caused tumult in the western
religious institutions, esp. the churches and christian seminaries, their
efforts are now focusing on esp. proseltyzing Muslims more than ever before.
The church-going women are more prone to fall to the propaganda against
Islam by the missionaries prepared specifically to "reach out" to Muslims.
The ongoing propaganda at churches depicts Muslims "persecuting" christian
minorities in Sudan, Egypt, Iran, Jordan, Pakistan, Nigeria and other Muslim
countries. The religious differences, augmented under this environment, may
damage the peaceful life at home.
The non-Muslim wife may want to volunteer and contribute financially to her
religious institution and its activities- 10% of the income is to be given
as "tithe" donations to the churches. It is usually disturbing too see your
money support the exact religious institutions whose major goals now include
defaming and sabotaging the religion of Islam and converting Muslims using
monetary resources in poor countries.
RAISING MUSLIM KIDS :
The foremost thing to understand here is that most of us who were raised in
Islamic environment, even if it may have been a secular govt. such as in
Pakistan, Egypt, Bangladesh, Turkey, Indonesia, etc. The environment and
society was mostly responsible for our learning and understanding of Islam.
Right from the beginning, we learned Islam in bits and pieces at home,
school, through radio, TV and even through our praticipation is Islamic
students/political parties. In combine families, the grandparents and
relatives helped our parents teach Islamic values to the kids.
In the West, it is a totally different environment. In most cases, the
parents are probably the only "bridge" between Islam and their kids. If only
the husband is a Muslim, then that bridge is even narrower. If the father
himself is not very knowledgeable in Islam and doesn't participate in or
mingle with Muslim (not social) community and activities in the West, then
the kids will grow up virtually ignorant to Islam. In general, to them,
Islam is a foreign religion.
A man usually doesn't have much time to spend with the kids and if the wife
is non-Muslim too, then there is not much kids can learn about Islam even at
home. Dressing them up in cultural/international clothes, feeding them
cultural food and taking them to Masjid once or twice a year doesn't teach
them any Islamic values or religion at all. If we assume the kids will learn
Islam values LATER, the question arises: From WHO?
If the kids have a non-Muslim mother and she doesn't respect Islamic dress
code and eating habits, ie. she wears shorts, skirts, bikinis and eats
non-halaal meats or drinks, then how in the world can we expect that our
kids will not do the same. How diificult it will be for the husband to teach
the kids to avoid these "NOT-OK" things while they're okay for their
respected mother. Will he be telling them that their mother doesn't have
"good" moral values?
In an inter-faith marriage, where both parents practise their respective
religions, often kids are grown to be confused in religious matters. They
have sympathies to both religions. But due to opposing views, they are
usually unable to "make up" their mind. Most do not want to reject either
religions.
If Kids are drawn by mother and father to their respective worship places
and to participate in their religious activies. What would a Muslim husband
tell his kids if they want to go to church on Sundays with their Mom.
Similarly, what will a non-Muslim mother say to her kids, if they go to
Masjid on Fridays and on Sundays for taa'leem. The clildren need a single
religion preached and taught to them.
Marriage is a critical decision in not only our life, but for our kids and
their and our hereafter. Let's be real careful about it.
And those who pray, "Out Lord! grant unto us wives and offsprings who will
be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."
[Surah 25:74] |
