| Page 6 For once Josh worried about who he would leave this time. Josh forced those thoughts out of his head. Claire didn�t really care for him and he would pretend he didn�t care for her. Maybe he�d surprise himself and not walk away when he felt the guiltiest. Maybe he wouldn�t feel guilty at all. Or maybe he�d fail to meet his own expectations for himself like he�d been doing for the last three years. Claire didn�t know what she had expected. She didn�t know why she did it. She had felt smart as if she were in control. She thought she was doing the right thing. But she was wrong and she was stupid. Claire hated herself more than Josh. She always told herself that she wouldn�t be the girl that woke up alone the next day. She didn�t know it but Josh had said the same thing. Then he had abandoned her anyway. He drowned his hurt and self-loathing away with a bottle of something that he kept in his suitcase for times like this and had gone to sleep hoping to keep the source of his pain at arms length. But life doesn�t work that way. Claire found him the next day. She was furious with him but still almost burst into tears when she found him in that same goddamn dressing room where so many things had taken place. Josh looked up and met her gaze remaining emotionless, his defense. �You rat bastard,� Claire spat. �I don�t know what to say.� �Then why say anything at all,� Josh said surprised at how calm he sounded. Claire did cry now, hating herself for it as she tore out of the room. Josh didn�t cry anymore. He hadn�t since his father died. Claire was going home the next day. The show closed tonight. Josh made the same silent promise of no more tears for women before he went back to work. He wasn�t going to let Claire be like Michelle. Chapter 10 Claire rode the train home stony and silent. Not like she had anyone to talk to. She would never have imagined this two months ago but she was glad to go home. She was through with show business. She had a contract that promised that she would be performing in the winter tour which ran from November to January but her mother was a politician. She could weasel her way out of that one. Her mother had never quite warmed up to the winter tour idea anyway. Claire would of course miss Jayson and Andrea and maybe Josh but she had promised herself she wouldn�t cry anymore for him. She had told him that too. He had found her just before she left for the train station and asked her to forgive him. He wanted them to part as friends. �Yeah that�s what you need isn�t it? Someone else to cry for you. Why don�t you go find someone else?� She had walked away without waiting for a response. The air was warm, the sun was setting and Claire was finally going home. Three months later High school had just resumed the day after Thanksgiving break. Claire was sure she wasn�t the only one feeling extraordinarily large. She was furious at her mother. After all of her pleading her mother had insisted Claire perform in the Traveling Players� winter tour. That she go back to everything she had tried to forget. Her mother had forced Claire to finish what she started. A pack of cheerleaders were walking down the hall and in a moment they had engulfed Claire in a circle woven with pom-poms and expensive perfume. Claire was only going to school today to pick up her assignments for her to do while she was on tour. She didn�t feel like socializing today. �So Claire,� One girl said smacking her gum so loudly Claire thought people were ripping out the sidewalk out front. �When are you leaving to go on tour?� �Tomorrow.� Claire said with forced enthusiasm. �Excuse me but I really have to collect my assignments for the rest of the semester.� Claire pushed past them and walked away. �She thinks she�s so cool just because she�s in the Traveling Players and going on tour and missing school.� One freshman sneered. Claire stopped and looked over her shoulder. Two petite brunettes waved at her and smiled fakely. Which is worse high school or show business? Claire wondered this to herself as she strode down the hall and reached the stairs taking them two at a time. Is none of the above an option? Meanwhile, in New York where the show would open Josh was on yet another�s fool�s errand to find the perfect mocha frappucino for Max. Apparently the one at Starbucks was not good enough. Josh sighed and decided to buy the one at Starbucks and put it in another cup. Max would never know the difference. Josh whirled around and started to head the other way. The winter tour was starting up and Josh�s life had somewhat returned to normal. Well, as normal as his life got. Even if Claire returned for the winter tour Josh had promised himself to forget about her. She was too good for him. Right now he just needed to have some fun. �Excuse me,� a soft pretty voice said. Josh looked down at an impossibly tiny girl who looked about his age. She was carrying a large duffle bag, was wrapped head to toe in a hat, scarf, coat and mittens against the cold and had warm brown eyes and rosy cheeks to boot. The fun had arrived. �Can you tell me where the Rockefeller ice rink is? I�m supposed to skate there but I�m completely lost.� The girl said hoisting her bag higher on her shoulder. The bag was half as big as she was. �Skate?� Josh repeated like an idiot. �Yes, skate. I�m a figure skater. My name�s Emily Tate by the way.� The girl said. That�s where Josh had recognized her. Michelle watched figure skating all the time to pick up new dance moves and complain about how thin the skaters were. Josh never liked skating but he had particularly enjoyed Emily. She was good and really cute. �I�m Josh Adamson.� Max�s mocha frappucino could wait. Josh was off to Rockefeller Center. more coming soon!! |