There once was an Iziz, named... well, Iziz, who was born on a turtle's back at precisely 12:00 midnight by the light of the full moon while the United States bombed bin Laden's home. She was dropped on her head as a child, and therefore grew up with mental issues. She was raised by penguins in the territory of Canada now known as Nunavut. Of course, there aren't many people who know about the penguins living up in Canada, because the penguins try to keep a low profile. Of course, the penguins in the South made themselves noticed and got all the fame, because they love the spotlight.

Iziz' hobbies included dancing with polar bears and swimming with seals. Her religion was Dudeism; she worshipped Dude, da guy in da sky. Every day she would make her daily sacrifice to Dude. She lived in an igloo which cost her about $3000. She would get to school by dogsled, but she had to get up very early every morning, because her school was very far away, in a different province.

Iziz and her friends at this school (who, might I add, were not polar bears), soon discovered the evil Herbal Essences conspiracy. They decided to form an alliance, and rebel against Herbal Essences. Soon Herbal discovered their discovery, and their alliance, and decided they needed more allies to make sure that the rebels did not get in the way of their evil plans.

Iziz used Herbal Essences, which meant she showed up on Herbal's radar screen, and so Herbal was easily able to track down her and her friends. They tried to dispose of them, until they figured that Iziz and her friends would make powerful allies if they were on Herbal's side. They would attempt to kidnap their beloved friend Mandarin, who wasn't exactly on the bright side (just kiddin'), but Iziz & co. would always rescue her.

Iziz also developed an obsession (not crush, obsession) for a dude whom we'll refer to as <beeeeep> (as you might have guessed). And she... well... stalked him. Heh heh. I sure hope <beeeeep> isn't reading this, and if he is, I hope he doesn't know he's <beeeeep>. *Cough* Lets move on.

One day, Iziz gave a piece of her igloo as a birthday present to this dude she met. This dude was very grateful for the present. However, when Iziz pulled this one piece out from her igloo, the entire thing collapsed. Her $3000 igloo was no more.

She moved down south, and relocated to a cardboard box. This cardboard box was a Sony TV box, which was located across the street. Yes, across the street from your house. That was me waving at you from inside that box. It was very rude of you not to wave back, you inconsiderate freak. Anyway, the exact address of this box was Box #222, Box Rd., Box City, Box Province, Boxland, Boxworld, Box solar system, Box galaxy, Box universe. Her neighbours were Xarra Even, who lived in Box #223, and Kit, who lived in Box #222 1/2. Iziz enjoyed all the time she spent with her neighbours, but soon she decided to move to a potato sack in Idaho, where her buddy Freddy Joe from Idaho lived.

Iziz didn't live in Idaho for very long though, because she decided to move to Zellers. The Zellers staff accepted her as one of them, and let her sleep in the bed and mattress section. Iziz would spend her time doing things like hanging out at the patios, having barbeques, watching the tvs, or going camping in the camping section. She would help herself to free paper towel in the cupboards (they do say help yourself... I think), and wave it at the camera when she left Zellers to visit other parts of the mall.

Then, one day, Iziz recieved news that her igloo had been rebuilt. She immediately stocked up on supplies from Zellers and headed back up to the north, and sure enough, in her igloo's old spot stood an even bigger igloo, which looked much sturdier than the old one. She was instantly filled with joy and happiness. The new igloo cost her $5000. She bought it right away; it was the best igloo a person could have.

Iziz had an idea. She would dye her igloo blue! Out of her pack of supplies she pulled a package of Ice Blue Raspberry Lemonade flavoured Kool-Aid. Yes, Kool-Aid works on igloos. Now her igloo was "Prit-ty"! It also smelled and tasted like ice blue raspberry lemonade.

One day, Iziz was making her daily sacrifice to Dude at the freezing craphole, by Mt. Fuji. She tripped and hit her head on a rock, and was immediately knocked unconscious. The Muffin Man kidnapped her and brought her to the Herbal Essences HQ, where they attempted to erase all her memories from her brain. And they would have succeeded, had her friends not saved her just in time. However, Herbal still managed to erase her name, address, phone number, PIN number, e-mail password, friends' names, family members names, and all other names from her memory (she did remember <beeeep>'s name though). This was very inconvienient for Iziz, mostly because she had to refer to everyone as "hey you" until she could remember their names, and partly because she didn't know where she lived. Well, she did, she just didn't know the exact address. And it didn't help that the other day, the Coca-Cola polar bear had played a prank on her and stole the address numbers from Iziz' igloo.

Yes, there is more, and yes, you have to keep reading. C'mon now, clicky-clicky!