Christianity is fowled up and always has been. Always will be. Why? Basically we're getting second hand knowledge. Supposedly we are supposed to pray to Jesus and He and He alone will relay to God. God is busy. Leave a message after the sound of the angelic choir. Jesus' words are never followed. Love thy neighbor. Be good people. Blah blah blah. Instead it's translated that the powerful and beautiful people are righteous and should be followed. In the middle ages the war lord pagans converted and everyone wants to be a warlord, right? Christianity was merely just a rider on the warlord bill. Sure, join the barbarian hordes. Decent pay. Endless supply of harlots. But first, have you been saved and repented your sins? Christianity is just Judaism's Cliff's Notes anyhow. No wonder Judas betrayed him to the Sanhedrin. Big J was just giving a summary and made Judaism more accesible to the fools. What he chose to take or left they took or left. Mostly left. Watered it down. Made it lazy and common. Shop talk Judaism with all the parts that made it Judaism left out. You ever see the Princess Bride where all the romantic parts were removed and the graphic violence and cool diaglogue were pumped up for a twelve year old? Same deal. The only difference is that Christianity isn't funny. Or even fun. It's called gospel but it ain't da troof. What Jesus did was blastphemy. Instead of changing Judaism for the better, it split off and did its own thing. Like a rebel. A holiday devil. A reindeer in every pot and a piece of landscaping next to every mantle. Sure Christianity is mythical. But is that what we're supposed to do? Be myth believers?? We may as well eat paint chips. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If that's your thing. I'd just rather not consider cobalt blue a nice apertif. And I'd rather not let a 2000 year old myth guide my moral character.

Jesus was like no man, really. This I believe. But how?? He was still just a man. He acts a lot like an erotic dancer. All pissed off for no reason when he doesn't get his currency. Saying he's all we need. He acts like a modern day whore. An actress. And women of the night will only leave you hurt. The girls of the silver screen will only scar you. Everyone knows it's true. But no one says anything about it. It's no wonder he attracted twelve men into his inner circle. The apostles should have been women. That's my Jesus, a real player. If only Jesus was a black guy. Or Italian. I want a Jesus with a harem. Or perhaps Jesus should have been a woman. I mean it would make more sense. The Jews refer to God in the female sense. Adonai is a feminine name and she is mentioned often. Jesus just reminds me of Morrisey. Don't get me wrong. Morrisey is cool. But I see a lot of parallels between rock stars and Jesus. Especially the androgenous ones like Morrisey and Bowie. It's either a no holds barred grudge match with authority or a romantic declaration. Really bipolar. Manic depression in style when taken as a whole. Androgenous. Ambiguous. Ambidextrous. Telling some to back off and some to come closer. Kind of like a shaman meets Count Dracula. But in Jesus the roles are reversed. He was more a magician than a priest. More a seargent in the salvation army than a true dark soul. About as dark as the military. About as mystical as reaching higher knowledge through the aid of peyote. Why do I say this? Because why would a Messiah entertain with parlor tricks like turning water into a wine? Why would he prefer the company of his men than women? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Jesus had some knowledge of alchemy and chemistry that no one else had. Maybe he was just playing hard to get. But I doubt it. My messiah would show how the trick was done in order for us to be more like him. My messiah would be more respectiveful of his mother instead of calling her "woman". He just seems like a rude hot dogger to me. Any of his tricks can be remanufactured. Anyone can confess and demand undying love and devotion. And plenty will die for you if that's what it takes to get your attention. And while we're on the subject of crucifixion seem like a real cry for help? "Look ma! No hands! No blood in the circulatory system either. I'm a real hero!"

It seems to me he taught women how to act anyhow. It's all the women who really control the Earth. If they say no they mean no. Just like Jesus. Women were much more submissive in those days. But since Jesus they have become much more powerful. We may not have a woman president, but that's because women are smart. They know that's not where the power is. The power is behind the thrown. In the interworkings of the machine. Condie Rice is much more influencial than George W. Bush any day of the week. A woman merely has to EXIST to be more powerful than a man. So it seems in actuality because Jesus taught women how to act like women of the future, they in turn taught men to act more like the men of the future. I'm not saying anything really. Just wondering about the possibility. It's a proven fact that women handle stress better than men. Handling the knowledge that you're going to be nailed to a pole seems like it would be mighty stressful. And while women have one time of the month when they are off kilter, men have several. Jesus only really got pissed off here and there. Like he was driven by the phases of the moon. Hmmm. We're just more moody, girls. It's true. Look at our world. We'll do crazy things just to be with a woman. Like punch holes in our head with bolts and get ink injected underneeth our epidermises and act tough to conquering Europe if we can get some action. And it's all done in the name of Jesus. Look at these tough bikers and despots. Most are highly religious. But who are the gossipy ones? Mostly women. Probably because they're supressed. They have to get as much information out there in as short as time as possible before being persecuted again. Not always. But mostly. But it's not their fault. I blame the Jesus and the apostles. Terrible gossips. Similar situation. So where and how did it all get so backwards? Was it the dark ages? All I know is that it's not the way to be. We need to go back and re-examine Christianity for what it is. Not just for the words. But their actions. There needs to be a paradigm shift. Hope isn't in Christianity however. It's already too late. Neither is it in something that worships which worships a female entity either. But something distinctly human and real. Something Earthlike. Something old. I don't know. I'm just suggesting. But in my view, we need to return to spirituality without Jesus. We need to return to nature without hierarchy. It's too late for anything else. But it's not too late to change our evil, misguided ways.

-Lucas C. Werner