These letters may be used by the students of standard X & X11 at a nominal fee of Rs. 50000000000000000 to study for their boards.
1. JOB APPLICATION
12 Bhendi bazaar
Bombay
22/4/1970
Looti huyi enterprises
Chor Bazaar
Bombay
Subject: Give me a job
Sir,
Give me a job. I am the best man for you. But there are some conditions which you will have to fulfil.
1. I want a starting salary of nabbe lakhs. Ok ok, just give 1 crore round figure. This will avoid unnecessary calculation.
2. I should get five holidays in a week. I am discounting from the usual 7 I get.
3. There should be a bed in the office with two blankets and four pillows.
4. You cannot ask me to work.
5. There should be a good canteen and non veg dishes should also be free.
If these conditions are not satisfied, then we will have to meet in the supreme court. I am going to fall ill from the next month,so dont expect me to come.
ok tata bye bye
tera baap,
Ishaan
2. LETTER TO THE EDITOR
road no.420
house840
dog street
chinpokhalo
22-3-1970
the editor
no news international
chinpokhali
sub-kutte kum karo
sir,
through the columns of your foolish newspaper,I would like to draw the attention of the concerened authoroties(if any)towards the increasing dog population in our area.yesterday when I was going to school,a dog bit my hand.when I was coming,he again bit my leg.I got 40 injections in my stomach.come & catch the dogs and keep them in your house.if this does not happen,then I will shoot you.the dog also bit my friend on his nose.He died & i had to arrange his furenal.I am sending u the bill(19999999999rs)of the furenal.kindly pay it.I had complaint twice but they told me to catch the dogs myself.when I ran to catch the dog,another dog came from behind &again bit me.I got more 20 injections for this.I am telling u last time to catch the dogs,if this does not happen,then I will take u to bombay and throw u in the arabian sea.
ishaan
3. PLACING ORDER
No study school
bandra
bombay
22-7-1969
5HSH CATERERS
JUHU
BOMBAY
sub-roti khani hai
Sir
I want to place some order for the school birthday celebration.Please arrange for
1. 800naans
2.766paranthe
3.400apollo fish
4.500fried fish
5.700butterchicken
6.780chicken tika
7.400gulab jamun
8.790rasgulle
9.800tandoori chicken
10.1400mutton tika
I have heard that your quality of food is very good and you provide all the things for free.So I expect you to give me my items for free.You may have to face some losses,but no matter face it.
Goodbye
ishaan
4. CANCELLING ORDER
tata motors
bombay
22-9-1974
marine drive
bombay
sub-abey meri tang toot gai.
oe
are you mad.what kind of car have you given to me.windows are broken.roof is not there.Till now,I have not able to find the stearing of the car.One day I was driving that great car and I pressed the break,but it was the accelarator.The car got smashed into a truck and I became langda.I am ordering you to take that car with you and refund the full amountof rs40000000000000 with an interest of rs10000000000000.If this does not happen then I will through you in Tihar Jail.
Ishaan
5. REPLY TO ENQUIRIES
Sadi airlines
22Bandra
Bombay
22-4-1972
Juhu 4
Bombay
sub- travel in sadi airlines
sir-
this is a reply to your enquiry about our wonderful airline.I am now going to tell you the details about this airline.Our airline never flies but sometimes when it flies,it comes down only when its petrol finishes.any person who enters our aeroplane never comes back.we also give you some food to it.we give you kache ande & zinda murgi to eat.some times when our aeroplane becomes full,we give seats to the passangers on the top of the plane and and also on the wings of the plane.but you dont worry,your seat has been reseved on the lights.
we hope that you would be delighted to travel by our airline after reading the above text.
ISHAAN
6. INFORMAL INVITATION
Mrs & Mr Bikhari cordially invites Mrs & Mr Kangal to the birthday party of their dog at Papu Da Dhaba at 5:00PM on 4 jan.Bring your own food to eat.No need to do any formalities as gift,just bring Rs 9900000000000000............If you want to bring some more money,it will be happily accepted,otherwise no need to come.
7. INFORMAL REFUSAL
Mrs & Mr Kangal thank Mrs & Mr Bikhari for their kind invitation to the birthday party of their dog.But we regret our inability to attend the function as we are going to your house to steel on 4 jan.Kindly keep your doors open.
8. MISSING
My friend Shbadikutti from July 4 1972.Last seen at worli seaface wearing a multicoloured kacha.I am very happy that he has lost.I hope that he dies.If anyone finds him,no need to send him to my house.
9. TOLET
Available a house,without roof.If you want the walls and the door give me100 burgers,240 chilli chickens,124apollo fishes,20 aeroplanes.1 bedroom,9 bathrooms,20 kitchens.If any guest come keep him in the kitchen or the bathroom.Facing the biggest nala in town.Parking facilities excellent-keep the car in the house.Rent-9,00,00000. Contact-Neel Kanth,Holululu Tel no.-420840
10. NOTICE
SANGEET KARYAKARAM
This is to inform that a sangeet program has been organised in the Jaliawallah Bagh,Amritsar.2 extremely talented singers are going to come to sing in the function-Shree Charanchand Mahadev& Shree Musadilal Alluwalia.You are invited.Dont forget to bring some cotton with you because ujjwal & ishaan are also going to sing.The invitation card is available for rs 10000010000001.
11. COMPLAINT LETTER
mr patel
Tihar jail
1-1-70
Amalendo Bandhopadhyay
sir
yesterday my friend was eaten by the monkeyman.today his friend was eaten.tomorrow you will be eaten.yesterday a man was dancing in my dringroom,I thought that he was you because he looked like a beggar,but he was the monkey man. I have send him to your house.Please check that your children are alive.I am sure that they are dead.Congratulations.I think that you are also dead,but by chance if you are alive, see to it that he eats you.
12. MISSING
2 masala dosas,4 idilis,7 otapams,6 cocunut chatanis,8 plates sambar,9 wadas.Last seen on 6 feb,1972 at chaupati.If anyone finds them,contact Ishaan,254444475889799080000-9-0000.The finder would be suitibaly rewarded with a 25 paisa coin.If you are unable to find these items,buy them and deliver it to my house.I am sure that you would have no objection to pay the bill.
13. LETTER TO THE EDITOR
7 Marine Drive
Bombay
22-9-1970
drainage organization
Bandra
Bombay
Through the columns of your bakwas newspaper ,I would like to draw the attention of the concerned authoroties regarding the open man holes.
Our localitie's half of the population has died because of the open man holes.The family living next to my house had 7 children,1 father,4 wifes,8 grandfathers and 9 grandmothers.None of them is alive now.The whole family fell in the man hole one by one.
I thank you as you are doing a great job by not repairing the man holes.You have contributed alot in reducing India's population
KEEP IT UP
14. NOTICE
SPRINGDALES SCHOOL
TIGER IN SCHOOL
A tiger will be roamming in the school corridoors for approximately 2 hours.All students are requested to stay in the class and not make too much noise.
Date -Dec 1
Time -10 AM
Venue-school corridoors
Students are requested to be present as the feebills are to be distributed.
15. REPORT(SCHOOL MAGZINE)
An asthama camp was organised in the genzopenzo hospital on 15 dec.Specialists doctors were called to deliver a lecture on how to cure asthama in case of an emergency.Many schools participated in this programme.
The doctor started his bakwas lecture.All the students got board and started throwing eggs and tamatar on the doctors.The great children of our great school then started jumping on the patients.100 died,167 injured,134 gone to koma.the few lucky patients who got saved by our children started running out of the hospital with their whole body covered with bandages.
This programme was a real success for our school.But I dont understand one thing that after the programme got overed,all the doctors starded crying and started beating their heads.Our school children behaved in such a good manner that we were expecting appreciation from the doctors.
By Nathuram Godsay
OTHER LETTERS COMMING SOON.