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By Dave Waldron
Believe it or not these all come from papers, tutorials and tests.
I wonder how the world seems through the eyes of a Jaffy.
Writing their papers in Grammar (westie accent) "kinda like crappy"
The strange ideas derived from papers most simple,
Manifested in faces all covered in pimples.
I thought I might list some I've encountered this year,
Which have brought me much mirth and laughter and tears.
Lets begin with the claim that men of homosexual persuasion,
Are compelled, when in mirrors, to engage in chronic masturbation.
Or the common misconception of confusing fallacy and phallus,
Which makes their philosophy essays surprisingly zealous.
Another claim is that of Scotland being settled by Knights Templar,
Likewise how Mayans originated in Mars.
Historically and empirically it�s all quite obscene,
It�s what you get when the sole sources are Google and Nexus Magazine.
Another interesting claim is that the main cause of leprosy,
Is that of heterosexual couples engaging in sodomy.
Or that the film Constantine should be taken as real,
Its biblical accuracy should be pursued with great zeal.
That so concerned about feminism was the 19th Century English Parliament,
That women's enjoyment of sex was directly legislated against.
Conversely I was surprised to hear that Simone de Bouvoir,
Argued women should be controlled and from paid work be barred.
But finally I come to the adventures of Emmanuel Kant,
Who apparently fought Napoleon on the fields of France.
He apparently lived for over 300 years.
Conquered the Zulus and united the Boers.
He was responsible for the oppression of women by learned Sages,
After the period of supposed liberation in the late middle ages.
He developed his ideas in the English Civil war,
Only to die fighting Nazi's he slew by the score.
He must have been a swordsman and guerrilla most dashing,
Against Enlightenment foes his wrath would come crashing.
And so I come to the end of my sad little verse.
There are so many more I could gladly converse.
How dinosaurs and Egyptians would happily coexist,
Illuminati plots too numerous to list.
So finally I sit back in feelings most bemused.
The world through Jaffy eyes must be bewildering and confused.