Two nights ago, H and I made love again. I don't know what to make of this. I don't see how or why he would want me. But we were lying in bed, and inexplicably I was aching with want.
Shyly, I asked him, and he said he was tired. But he asked me if I would touch myself while he watched. We've done this before--but not because he asked me to. It just happened one night when I hadn't been able to come.
Anyway, I was so wet (sudden memory of C. and his fingers stroking me, as he whispered "God, you're so sexually intense, your whole body moves with my fingers") that I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. H touched my breasts and stomach, kissed and tongued my nipples. I felt somehow more free to get into it.
I came in a short burst of sensation that curled tightly and then rippled outward. Then we kissed and H was on top of me and we were moving together but he wasn't inside me yet. And I came again without any warning. Never happened before.
We looked at each other, surprised. I felt embarrassed, sure that he would think this was something that happened because of or with C.--and wondering if I should tell him that it was just the opposite, that C. couldn't make me come--and then deciding not to bring C into this moment. Hoping H felt okay and trusted me, a little. Hoping it was okay to do this. Wondering what it meant.
Wondering, sadly, why now?