I wasn�t the happiest girl in the world that night, but I was as happy as I was capable of being, walking down the Galveston Seawall, holding a boy�s hand. The moon was full�it might have been romantic, without the smell of car exhaust contaminating the scent of the ocean, or the glare of streetlights draining most of the radiance from the moon. There was just enough of the moon, just enough of the ocean scent left, though, to suggest what could be.
I didn�t think about the cars, or the moon, or the ocean. I was self-conscious, aware of the time and wondering when we�d have to leave. Aware of my body and reminding myself that he liked it, he�d said so. Feeling at the same time tough, confident, and knowing in a way that I would never feel again.
A thin man in a windbreaker and dingy slacks sat on a bench, leaning forward and glaring at his hands. They looked dirty, ashy. His wrists stuck out of the windbreaker, bony and dark. He looked up as we approached and caught me staring. Embarrassed, I looked away. But then I felt guilty. I accused myself of prejudice, something that at 16, I thought was unforgivable.
I was 16 years old, and pious, and convinced that a brave heart was proof against most dangers. Furthermore, I had a pretty smile. So as we walked past, I turned my head and purposefully smiled as sweetly and kindly as I could at him. And he looked at me as I had never been looked at before. It wasn�t that he glared at me�it was that there was something in his gaze that reduced me to nothing or to something worse than nothing. I had never been reduced to nothing before. I looked away again, squeezing my boyfriend�s hand and imagining safety in the answering pressure.
We found the stairway to the beach. The waves slapped against the jetty near where we spread our blanket and lay down.
I don�t know how long he waited, that thin angry man with the gun in his pocket, before following us down to the sand. I�ll never know how long he watched us, standing nearby as we obliviously entwined arms and legs and eager mysterious bodies. Before he stepped forward, gun in hand, and changed everything.