Sent: Friday, June 18, 2004 1:24 AM
To:
Subject: RE: Us aging fogeys can't stay up all night like we used to...
This is becoming a ritual: a glass of wine, a computer, and thou :^) Unfortunately, we're out of wine. There was just a swallow or two left in the bottom of the bottle--gone now. Darn.
>>I got more sleep last night. Panicked all day today about what I didn't get done yesterday, but it turned out fine.
>>Blanco County is coming together nicely for Larry (and, by extension, for Kerry). Still need to contact Comal but have >>no clue how. Actually I do, but it's finding the time and opportunity. Long distance from work is a no-no.
E-mail doesn't work? What about IRC or Instant Messaging? How long a phone call are we talking about anyway? 'Cos I'm home on Fridays. Not tomorrow morning, but usually all day. I could contact Comal and have them call you wherever you are.
>>You have a wisdom about you that comes from what you have learned about yourself and the world. That sort of learning takes time, so yes, it is clear you are not a twenty something. But it is impossible to "look" an age, I think. Your brain assigns weight to an age, not your skin.
You're right, to an extent. Don't know about the wisdom part. My "wisdom" seems to consist mainly of hindsight.
>> In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
> Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
>
> Yup, I thought. That's it, that's exactly it.
>That's crap. There's nothing more boring than an empty coed in a pushup bra. There's nothing more interesting than >a woman who has lived and lets it show.
I think what appeals to me about that poem is how well it captures the (irrational) sense of dread I feel. That's what "it" is.
And it's not entirely irrational to dread aging. It's not all about ego, or whether I need a push-up bra or a pair of extra-strength control-top support hose. Though I'll grant you that I am overly sensitive when it comes to some aspects of appearance. Well, okay, most of them.
>> I'll be sure to look more closely > next time we run into each other.
>I'll bet you will. [cue soft porn music]
Ahem. The word "incorrigible" comes to mind.
>> If you don't mind my asking, how old were you when you had your first > child? Was she/he "planned?"
>I was 23. It was Halloween, and we ran out of candy, so we were hiding in the bedroom. I'm one who logically >>embraces family planning, but I have had it etched on my soul that when Mother Nature decides it is time to be
>pregnant, well, it just happens.
Um... What was that you said to me when I was driving you home? I think I asked you how many kids you have and you replied "Three, that I know of, anyway." Don't know why that popped into my head just now.
Pregnancy... Now that's a complicated subject. Maybe another conversation.
>> I am not such an exhibitionist that I can't enjoy a little bit of a > tease now and then. Not that I imagine you're biting your nails over > it. Maybe over Larry--I think he possibly could inspire some > nail-biting.
>How cleverly you fend off my innuendo. ;-)
Me and my rapier-sharp wit.
>I don't really remember relaxation. I feel as if the weight of the world has been on my shoulders for a long time.
>I could make a crass-but-true comment, but I don't think you'd appreciate it.
Crass-but-true sounds interesting. Maybe you should try your remark out on me and let me decide. (I almost said "try me." Oops!)
Seriously, though, I recommend valerian tea and a hot bath. Or wine and e-mail. Or... Well, you do whatever works for you.
> It's hard to have a conversation with someone when > you keep imagining them in a spiked collar and latex
> bustier. ;^)
>>Actually it makes her more interesting. [ba-dum *crash*]
I hope you're not implying that she's less than interesting. %^)
I have a friend who for a time worked as a dominatrix in Houston. She did it as much for fun as she did for pay. She had some hellacious stories to tell. But Jane is the sort of person who just breathes interestingly--she doesn't really have to do anything.
>>I will give her your email and say I overheard you wondering out loud about networking with her community. I will leave it to her to decide what to do.
No, I'd rather you didn't. If I decide to follow up on my nutty idea, I'll get in touch with her then, through you of course. No snooping (though I love to snoop).
>>I have so many things to do and write.
You sound happy, I think--Pressured, but maybe having a good time in spite of it--maybe? At least I hope so. But listen, don't get sick. Take a lousy 15-minute break once in a while. Go out and lie in the sun, just for 10 minutes or so. Practice being a lizard. Or a cat.
Sick people throw all my thwarted maternal urges into overdrive. It's not pretty.
I need to do some writing of my own, though. I can't think if I don't write. At least not very well.
Anyway, be well.
Isabella