I
was 22 years old and had made fairly impressive gains
naturally, but I wanted to get freakishly huge (I still
can't figure out why) and nothing else mattered.
I began my cycling with Anadrol 50. I started with the
recommended dosage of 2 tabs a day. Well to cut a long
story short, within 2 weeks 2 tabs a day turned into 12
tabs a day and by the end of week 6 I was up to 14 tabs.
I was also passing blood through both my urine and my
stool. I was exploding though and I didn't care! I gained
28lbs on my first 6 weeks and then switched to a D-bol
deca stack.
To my surprise I grew even faster on that stack than I
did on the Anadrol. I was up to 280lbs and looked pretty
good as far as fat storage went. The internal bleeding
stopped after I stopped the Anadrol blitz. I was at week
12 and I stopped seeing gains. I was on 24 tabs of Dbol a
day 600mg deca and 1000mg test cyp. a week. I wasn't
growing. That's an expensive cycle not to get fast
results from. I was new to steroids and doing these
"pro" cycles just to get the fastest gains
possible.
I've done countless hours of research on the subject of
steroids and athletic enhancement of all kinds in
different sports. I knew I wasn't doing it right, but I
was catering to my impulsive and obsessive personality. I
mean where do you go from the point that I was at? You
can't up the dosage any more so the only thing to do was
come off. I stopped dead at the end of the 25 Dbol stack.
I as expecting to crash hard, I braced myself and waited
for it to happen. Well after 4 days off, I talked myself
into taking 1cc of Winstrol a day to buffer the crash. I
hadn't lost any size yet but I knew the cheque was in the
mail. After 10 days, my plan to stay off for 12 weeks
went out the window and I started back on Anadrol 50. I
repeated the cycle I had just done, expecting to get good
results, this time with insulin, I used 25-30I.U. 3 times
a day of Humalin R I gained 20lbs after 12 more weeks.
The cycle cost me over 1,200 dollars total and I looked
like shit, reality hit me dead in the face. I was huge
and bloated and fat. I decided I needed to apply some of
the knowledge I had gained to my own scheduling. I
stopped using androgens pretty much all together and
started using more anabolic drugs. For example I used
1000mg-2000mg of Deca a week along with 400mg-1000mg of
test Ethanate. It worked ok and I felt pretty good to, I
wasn't making good gains any more but I was big and I was
starting to look better as the fat came off.
I stayed on for 2.5 years, then realised one day that
there is more to life than being big, Yea I couldn't
believe it either! I was missing so much in life because
of my obsession. Somehow it dawned on me that I was going
nowhere fast and wasting a potential life long happiness
to fulfil a self-indulgent and self-destructive impulse.
I stepped back for a minute and began putting things into
perspective. I took a look at all the guys I hung around
with at the time. They were all bouncers at nightclubs or
personal trainers and were living month to month just to
get big, get chicks and get roids. They were a bunch of
ageing bodybuilders who never stopped to smell the roses.
It was as if they were all stuck in some sort of fantasy
land where they were "better" than everyone
else because they were bigger than everyone else.
The funny part is I was starting to feel the same way. We
were kind of like a club, we hung out together we ate
together and trained together. That's about it, our
conversations were either about women, roids or working
out, deep huh?
I came off altogether, I lost some size but not to bad. I
didn't take any clomid or anything, I just stopped. My
testicles are still not back to normal and I'm feeling
pretty depressed. I understand that until my test levels
get back to normal my brain chemistry will be impaired.
I'm not saying I'll never use again, I'm just taking a
break and working on a better approach.
Also I feel that I've got lazy nutritionally. Since bad
nutrition isn't as evident when you're "on",
Juicing forgives a lot of dieting sins. The truth is I
feel that if one keeps a good diet, and trains hard he
can become a great bodybuilder with out drugs. Whether or
not to use drugs, well that's up to the individual. The
only advice I can offer is, if you do use them do short
cycles. Dealing with the imbalance that comes from long
term suppression of your natural hormonal patterns is
just not worth it.
Trust me!
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