The News for those few who play real croquet!                                May 6, 2007

The top three of the Pez Invitational (Steve Roberts, Nathan Cole and Steve Unfred) reenact a famous picture while sitting on the Dinosaur Bones in Corvallis' Avery Park

The largest field in IMC history has an epic duel for Pez with Steve Unfred's amazing finish to win

The 9th annual battle for chalk-flavor candy was held in Corvallis, Oregon for the first time. The league had a historic moment as ten players (Alena, Ben, Brandon, Cassee, Mike, Nathan, Sara, Steve Unfred, Steve Roberts and newcomer Timeri Hansen) played the event. This was the most ever to play an event in IMC history. It only took us nine years to find ten people who could tolerate each other for a three hour battle for three Shrek pez dispensers.

The event was played at Avery Park, a park known for its impressive cement dinosaur bones. The majority of the event was played near or on the bones themselves. It lead to some interesting pool like ricochets by the ten players during the day.

The Pez Invitational started with a ceremony that had Nathan Cole destroy a mallet from Alena and Steve Roberts old croquet set. Nathan used his mallet breaking mojo (and some Brandon sabotage) to jump to an early lead but was closely followed by Steve Unfred and Cassee Hansen. However, the bones slowed them down and allowed nearly all the players back into the event. Only Sara and Alena struggled to keep up with the constantly changing early lead.

Nathan seemed to take the lead going into the fifth wicket, a tree wicket. The league feared a Nathan rout. However, the tree shot proved tricky and Nathan wasn't able to get thru until Steve Unfred had past him. Nathan, Cassee, Brandon, Mike, and Steve Roberts were close behind. The tree shot helped thin the field as the other four players (Ben, Sara, Alena, and Timeri) wasted nearly twelve shots getting thru the shot. Sara even withdrew before finishing the shot finishing in the previously unknown position of tenth place. She withdrew to "study" for school or so she told us.

Meanwhile, the leaders had a fast changing battle. Steve Unfred and Nathan Cole were able to get thru the sixth wicket, a wicket in a narrow opening in between two dinosaur bones. They jumped to a small lead but the other four leaders were close behind.

The seventh wicket, another shot in a narrow passage would break the pack up. Nathan and Steve Unfred were able to take advantage of the other's narrow misses at the wicket to jump ahead for good. Brandon, Steve Roberts, Mike and Cassee were not playing bad, the other two were just playing better.

The next two wickets were close together and Steve Unfred was able to hit Nathan's ball and go thru the ninth wicket. Steve could pull away until his bonus shot was hit too lightly on the bark upslope and rolled back to his feet and in front of Nathan's ball. On Nathan's next turn he went thru the ninth wicket and hit Unfred's ball taking the two turns to pull away. The win seemed to be his as he spent the next turn lining up for what looked like another victory.

Steve Unfred had a slim chance as he had to hit Nathan's ball from about ten feet away and use that extra hit to reach the end stick first. Amazingly, Steve's ball just nicked Nathan's and a beautiful second shot rolled right into the end stick tucked in a corner near, what else, a dinosaur bone. Steve Unfred had won his first Pez Invitational!

Nathan was able to quickly recover for a strong second place. The last big battle was for third and the last "winner" of a Pez dispenser. Brandon, Cassee, Mike and Steve Roberts all were close to the end stick. Cassee would hit her shot and watch as it literally came inches short of the end stick. The league let out a groan as an impressive third slipped thru her fingers. On his next shot, Steve Roberts took advantage of Cassee's gift to hit the end stick for third place. Mike was able to claim fourth before Cassee could take another turn to claim a still impressive fifth in just her second event.

Brandon was able to take plenty of time taking sixth place before the second pack of players arrived. Alena took a respectable seventh and first time player Timeri edged out Ben for a decent debut showing of eighth place. Ben took ninth and cursed the tree that ended his chances on this day.

The top three picked their Shrek dispensers in order of finish. Steve Unfred took his Puss N Boots prize, Nathan took the Donkey dispenser leaving Steve Roberts with a Shrek prize. This ended the record breaking day with another league first of four female players. Will the males soon be outnumbered at events by female players? The males of Ironman Croquet can only hope so.

Ben Lasher and Sara Chang smiling even as they were in last at the Pez Invitational? Bizarre.

By Brandon Lasher

This season has shown the return of Sara Chang for her sophomore year. Based on our returning player rate, that is a surprise in itself. While Sara has shown herself to a capable player with a bright future, some of her actions are worrisome to the rest of the league. The fact is she is too nice.

This shocking fact was discovered at the Pez Invitational when Sara finished last. Despite her poor showing, she smiled the entire time. She used no profanity when screwing up a shot. Even most bizarre, she treated her fellow IMC players with respect and refused to mock their lame shots. The league is at a loss what to do about this disturbing behavior.

"I remember I hit a poor shot," recalled Mike Cough, " and Sara simply said better luck next time." "I am used to multiple insults every time I shoot, I don't know how to relate to someone like her."

The IMC Commissioner Brandon Lasher has launched a full investigation into the matter. The goal is to find something that will rattle the seemingly unflappable Sara Chang. As Commissioner Lasher explained, " The goal of the Chang Investigation is to find something that bothers her and pick at it repeatedly. Then and only then will she truly become one of us, one of us being a complete tool."

Sara was unable to be reached for comment as she was busy helping the homeless at her job. This is in addition to her Meals on Wheels volunteer work and her valuable service as a reading tutor in Portland public schools. However, there may be hope for her yet to stop this disturbing life.

"I remember how nice I was before joining the league in 2005," explained Steve Roberts, " After sending time with the Ironman Croquet League I became childish, immature and rude to others. I believe if we give Sara enough time, we can bring her down to our level."

Let's hope so, for Sara's sake.