The News for those few who play real croquet!                                April 22, 2007

The field of the 2007 Spam Open (minus newcomer Cassee)

IMC begins 9th season with one long sunny day

The ninth season of Ironman Croquet began at the Cough Course. As has been tradition the last five years, the Spam Open began the season. On this rare beautiful opening day, Nathan was able to hold on an repeat as champion.

The event took place entirely in Mike's front yard. We assumed this would speed up things but difficult shots and a record tying nine people lead to one of the longest one round events in history. Besides the usual seven people we had Sara, the 2006 Rookie of the Year, along with newcomer Cassee Hansen. Cassee would struggle in the early going but would improve her play as she began massive amounts of cheating. She finished last however as she withdrew to see "In the Land of Women", an amazingly lame movie starring Adam Brody.

The event starred with a sled shot that most players were able to get thru relatively fast. Mike jumped to an early lead but was stopped by falling in the street on his way to fifth wicket, a wicket inside a small ladder. Since it was close to the street, Mike was unable to avoid falling in a few times and ending up street bound for a few turns.

This allowed most of players back into the race especially Ben, Nathan, Sara and Steve Roberts. Ben was the first off the fifth wicket but the next wicket a difficult one on a slanted hill slowed him down enough to allow Nathan to pass him. Ben quickly followed along with Steve Roberts close behind. Sara, in only her second event, quickly caught up with some amazing pop shots. Mike followed close behind to make the event an early five way race.

The rest were not so lucky. Steve Unfred's ball fell in the street so many times that he stated a new goal of finishing sixth place. Brandon used the twelve shot rule early and often and Alena had distance shot problems. These three would play little part in the outcome of the event.

Nathan was able to distance himself from the pack with quick shots thru the Chair Shot and Tool Shot, the seventh and eighth wicket respectively. Ben was close behind along with Mike. Sara and Steve Roberts lost their chance to win as they would get stuck on the next few wickets.

Nathan was able to get thru the final wicket, the Crown of Thorns Shot, and rush to what looked like an easy win. However the end stick, on top of a raised metal grate, was difficult. If you hit it too hard it would fall in the street. Nathan missed a few attempts allowing a fast charging Mike to catch up. Mike has a short chip only a few feet from the end stick for the win. However, Mike narrowly missed. Nathan was able to hit in a few attempts later. Nathan had won the Spam Open again and took the first place Spiderman prize. Mike was able to claim a disappointing second moments before Ben claimed third for the event.

The rest of the event was frustration for the remaining players. Steve Roberts blew about a dozen attempts to claim fourth before Steve Unfred, Brandon, Sara and Alena arrived to end stick. Sara was next to hit the end stick claiming an impressive fourth in promising career. Since she has beaten Steve Roberts both times she has played, odds are slim we will see her again.

After Sara hit the end stick, things wrapped up quickly. Steve Unfred broke his sixth place goal and place fifth. Moments later, Steve Roberts took a disappointing sixth. The race for the last place Nightwing was on. Brandon was able to place his ball literally inches from the end stick. The next shot Alena popped into the end stick for seventh. An embarrassing tirade later, Brandon angrily took eighth. Since he was the last one to "finish" (Cassee withdrew earlier) Brandon took the dishonor of the D.C. action figure.

Thus ended the 9th annual Spam Open. Nathan jumped to his usual early season dominance with his normal rivals (Mike and Ben) right behind. Will this season be the same old stuff or will a change come soon? We shall see, it is a long season.

A person (Nathan Cole) not named Mike Cough winning another Spiderman

By Brandon Lasher

"Why has Spiderman forsaken me?" asked a disappointed Mike Cough after another near miss at this year's Spam Open. Mike, long time Peter Parker lover, missed an amazing ninth annual attempt to win a Spiderman action figure. Mike's long and utterly frustating quest would almost seem sad if he didn't love Spiderman so much to the point the rest of the league finds it hilarious.

In 2005, the league ended one of its least famous events, the Mike Marvel Open Invitational. The league wanted to cut down to a slightly less insane ten events. Since most of us were not obessed with Marvel as Mike was, we gave up on this seven year event's tradition of giving a Spiderman action figure to the winner. Or so we thought.

Since Mike hosts the season opening Spam Open, he decided to transfer the Spiderman winning tradition to that event. However, Mike's woes continued as Nathan won the Spiderman action figure for the third straight year. Mike, who if he had the choice to defend his family or Spiderman would pick Spiderman, was left with another year to ask why? We asked some former winners what they thoughts.

"He still hasn't won one of those?" questioned two-time Spiderman winner Brandon Lasher, "I have so many that I use them as cat toys." Brandon added, "Batman is better than that dweeb Spiderman anyway."

"Give it up Mike," said Ben Lasher a two-time winner, "I mean there is more to life you know than a red suited freak." Ben left his press event to read the latest issue of Daredevil.

"Spiderman?" said a puzzled former Spiderman winner Steve Unfred, " I think I have one of those in my room somewhere. It just wasn't that important to me."

However, Mike would be the one that would have to wait until 2008 for another chance. " I read all my issues of Spiderman, watched the movies, watched the cartoons, made calls on my Spiderman phone and couldn't find any answers," sighed Mike Cough, " As Ben Parker says, with great power comes great responsiblity. I guess I'm not ready for that sort of power.....yet."