The News for those few who play real croquet!                                April 23, 2006

The top three (Steve Roberts, Nathan Cole and Steve Unfred) win the gift of Ice Age pez dispensers

Steve Roberts holds on for 1st ever win!

The event to celebrate Pez returned on a picture perfect day in Eugene. The Roberts-Woicicki course provided the occasion for the upset of all upsets. Steve Roberts, league punching bag, outlasted a challenge from the IMC Player of the Year Nathan Cole. It was Steve Roberts first ever win in his short IMC career.

The event started in traditional fashion with Steve Unfred being late and Steve Roberts being a nerd. Mister Roberts showed the course while carrying a clipboard to keep the order straight. The only thing missing was a pocket protector and Nathan stealing Steve Roberts' lunch money.

The first shot basically decided the event. A simple looking shot, a wicket on a little brick walkway, gave nearly all players trouble. The players found it impossible to stop it on the cement behind the shot or on the bricks themselves. Nathan, usually cool, actually flipped off the difficult wicket. Most players used twelve shots or close to it. Everyone who was not named Steve Roberts. He was able to get thru the difficult shot in only three turns. This allowed him to take a huge lead and carefully go thru a difficult chair shot and interesting cement block house wicket.

Steve Roberts held about a two wicket lead over the field with Nathan, Steve Unfred, and Brandon close behind. Nathan kept reminding Steve Roberts of his impressive resume. Nathan was able to breeze thru most shots to gain ground fast. Eventually, Steve hid Nathan's ball underneath a Dari-Mart Cup in a lame attempt to slow him down. However since Steve didn't move Nathan's ball itself, the cup caused little distraction.

Steve Roberts eventually lost his massive lead hitting to the eight wicket, a wicket near lava rocks that was dangerously close to the street. He fell in the street repeatedly and this allowed a fast charging Nathan to regain the lead heading towards the final wicket. Meanwhile, Steve Unfred and Brandon got stuck on the difficult sixth wicket near a tree root. This allowed Mike, Ben and Alena back into the race for a top three.

The race for the championship was on. Nathan held a narrow lead and had a few attempts to hit the end stick. The end stick was located inside a prickly bush and required a good pop shot to hit it. If you missed it your ball might fall in the street. Nathan has a few attempts before Steve Roberts arrived. Both had back and forth chances to win the Pez Invitational that included many close calls. But Steve Roberts was able to land in the perfect spot to launch his pop shot into the end stick. Steve Roberts had won his first event. Nathan quickly took second place.

Ben looked to have third wrapped up after Brandon and Steve Unfred fell in the street. After multiple missed attempts by Ben, Steve Unfred caught up and hit Ben's ball directly in front of the end stick. As opposed to going for the end stick, Unfred decided to knock Ben's ball out of bounds. Ben was mad but it lead to Steve Unfred taking third and the final Pez dispenser. It was a rare dirty play by Steve Unfred showing his rare love for Pez.

Ben recovered to just beat Brandon for fourth place. Brandon hit the end stick as Mike Cough arrived for a decent fifth place. Mike had spent most of the event struggling on wickets and falling in the street took a disappointing sixth place. Alena took last but was too happy to care. Her Steve, Steve Roberts had won his first IMC event. He got first pick of Ice Age 2 pez dispensers and enjoyed his chalk-flavored winnings.

Alena Woicicki, the new Jon Crawford of IMC, with her favorite food Pez

By Brandon Lasher

Alena Woicicki, the "token female", has begun acting oddly of late. Alena has dubbed herself the new "Jon Crawford". While we assumed this meant she would just carry on his event, the Pez Invitational, it seems to be more than that. While she never met the IMC legend, she has begun acting more and more like him at IMC events and in her everyday life.

The league's suspicions were raised at the 2005 Spam Invitational. After hitting a poor shot, Alena let out a "God Dammit". The problem was she said it in the perfect Eric Cartman voice. While she is not currently speaking every word in Cartman voice, like Jon, the occurrences have increased in subsequent tournaments.

However the similarities only increased this season of IMC, "She sure talk about her sex life a lot," explained Mike Cough, "it reminds me of Mister Crawford and his non-stop talk of sex." " She is one step away of taking her first dates to porn shops like Jon Crawford did. We must stop her soon before it�s too late."

Those closest to Alena think the problem is already out of control. " I constantly find her watching "South Park", bemoaning the loss of chocolate bunnies and demanding Pez, �said concerned boyfriend Steve Roberts, "If I wanted to date Jon Crawford I would have moved down to the Bay Area. This is getting out of hand."

While the majority of the Elder Board is considering the options to get our lovable Alena back, one player sees it as a positive development. "When Jon was in the league we were the Sith Lords," explained Brandon Lasher, "and we dominated the early days of the league. I am considering bringing back the group with this "new" Jon Crawford."

Will the league be able to turn Alena away from a life of being a Crawford? Only time will tell.

Nathan Cole showing his love for the famous end stick as Ben Lasher watches on, at The No-Lives Classic, in 2002

By Nathan Cole

(This is the second part in the series to celebrate the upcoming 100th event in IMC history. Yes, we actually have played that many events. The league long-term members were asked to dicuss some of their favorite moments of the first 100 events in IMC history. The 100th event will be the Scott Balthrop Memorial Tournament and will be held in early June.

I would have to say that one of my most memorable moments would have to be the No-Lives tournament. In 2002, I think it was the first course that I set up mostly on my own at the coast. A lot of good distance shots to excel on. This allowed me to have a huge lead when I got to the end stick. I had about 5 or 6 turns before anyone else got to it. But, I made the end stick so hard that I couldn't hit it. It was located in a piece of driftwood a few feet off the ground. It required a heck of a pop shot to hit it. I guess I should have made it easier.

Eventually else got there and all four of us were all trying for it for about 20 minutes before Brandon finally hit it. I ended up coming in last. So I ran out into the ocean pretending to drown myself out of shame of coming in last. I had to go further than I thought I would have to because the water was quite shallow. Brandon seriously thought I was drowning myself in the ocean after the No-Lives shocking outcome.

(Editor's Note: The "drowning tradition" continued the next year with Mike Cough. The tradition has taken a hiatus with the party pooper known as Alena. The end stick mentioned went on to win the first ever Scott Balthrop Shotmaker's Award for Nathan Cole.)