The News for those few who play real croquet!                                July 10, 2005

Eight players fight for $7 shirt
The 2005 Orange Shirt Field. With some smiles, it is before the seven hour event.

Mike actually wins a playoff. The IMC has grand rule debate.

By Brandon Lasher

The rule debates were at a all time high at the IMC's answer to The Masters, The Orange Shirt Classic. Mike Cough was able to join elite company by winning his second Orange Shirt Classic. He joined Brandon Lasher and Nathan Cole as multiple winners of this event.

Mike was the subject of much debate early in the tournament. Ben spent much time watching Mike and making sure he did not cheat. The entire Elder Board had a grand debate about the rules repeatedly, slowing down the already long event.

Brandon and Steve Unfred got off to a fast start but where caught in the second round by Mike and Nathan. It would have led to a four way fight for the major, but Steve quit to play D & D. The league laughed at him as he took fifth place overall. Alena bragged about a rare round victory over Ben but she finished sixth place overall. Jennifer and Keri finished in seventh and eighth place overall respectively.

Meanwhile, Nathan cruised to the third round win and waited to see how the players would finish. Ben took second in the final round but a poor first round doomed him to fourth place overall. Mike was able to finish third in the final round thus setting up a tie for the Orange Shirt lead. This meant a deck shot playoff between Mike and Nathan for the major.

Mike was able to get thru the shot on a tough angle. Nathan had one shot to go from the start stick and try to get thru the deck shot to extend the playoff. The difficult fifteen footer missed by inches. Nathan had a rare second place finish. Brandon, who finished third, celebrated by throwing water in Mike's face twice.

Mike was found to say, "I screwed it forward." It was his newest catchphrase. Ben had wondered if Mike has cheated early in the tournament. I guess time will tell and Ben will be watching.

The Frog Dollars as they now stand:

Rank
Player
 Attended Total Money Average Takings
1 Nathan 4 $ 21,000 $ 5,250
2 Mike 5 $ 17,300 $ 3,460
3 Brandon 5 $ 12,700 $ 2,540
4 Ben 5 $ 10,300 $ 2,060
5 Alena 5 $ 6,000 $ 1,200
6 Steve U. 4 $ 5,900 $ 1,475
7 William 2 $ 3,800 $ 1,900
8 Jennifer 2 $ 1,400 $ 700
9 Brenda 2 $ 1,300 $ 650
9 Keri 2 $ 1,300 $ 650
11 Steve R. 1 $ 800 $ 800

Next Up:

Spam Classic will be at 11:30 a.m., July 17th, at the 3rd Cough Course. The Spam Triple Crown continues without the two Spam leaders, William and Nathan!

The Upcoming!

The We Have No Lives Classic at the Oregon Coast

IMC Commish Brandon announces roster cuts
John Adams, an IMC roster cut

By Brandon Lasher

Brandon Lasher, the longtime Ironman Croquet Commissioner, was faced with a difficult decision. With four rookies joining the league, the Frog Dollar budget was stretched too far. It was time for the most dreaded words in sports, roster cuts.

IMC News obtained this statement by the Commisioner at the beginning of the 2005 Orange Shirt Classic:

In light of these difficult economic times, the IMC regredfully must release the following IMC players. We wish them all the best in their future endeavors:

Adam Leonard
Alfonso Powers
Brett Shanley
Holly Gregg
Java Duel (previously retired)
John Adams
Kamul (The German Exchange Student)
Kevin Hannigan
Ricky Gregg
Ryan Gregg
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin Cardboard Cut-out
Tessa Manka

The news of the massive lay-offs was met by current players with varied feelings. "Those names look pretty cool, I wish I could have met some of them," said rookie Keri Baker.

The league vets had a different opinion. "I can't believe Brandon released the Cardboard Cut-out. How will he feed his family now?" Steve Unfred angrily questioned.

However, the real question is how the news affected the released players. "I am stunned," said recently released Adam Leonard, "I was told by Brandon a rebirth of the Forensic World Order was forth coming. I was told the league would have new storylines ideas for me. The IMC is dead to me now!"

Other released players have begun to explore new opportunies, "I was offered a opportunity to join the Underwater Croquet League in Grants Pass," explained ex-star Alfonso Powers. "The IMC provided a start to my croquet career."

Will the league regret the loss of these players? Or will they cheer to cleaned up web room? The world will be watching.

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