The News for those few who play real croquet! May 29, 2005
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| 2005 Doubles Field (includes a blocked Ben). |
Nathan and Mike together again, win!
By Brandon LasherNathan and Mike, the last two League Champions, were easily the winners at the 6th annual IMC Doubles Championship at the Unfred Course. They had much time to talk about how cool they were. It was the second time they have won the doubles as a team.
The tournament leaders were close heading toward the third shot, the street shot on the Unfred Course. William, league saboteur, decided to spend his time preventing Nathan for playing than winning himself. It left Mike and rookie Brenda to finish the street shot. I wonder who won this battle? Nathan and Mike had no competition the rest of the day other then boredom.
One team made a late rally but was too far behind to catch up. In a case of a doubles team actually working together, Brandon and Alena had an impressive second. They got off to a slow start but were able to coast to second place after Brandon went thru two wickets in one turn. It was Alena's best ever finish. She bragged about this to Mike, who controversial antics the previous year caused his team with Alena to finish last. She did much better this year with Brandon's help.
William, the slow learner, gave up a great chance to salvage third by trying to unsuccessfully sabotage Brandon. This left Brenda to try to finish the course without William's help. Ben and Steve were tripped up by an early front deck shot but narrowly edged William and Brenda at the end stick. William and Brenda finished last for all William's antics. Will William learn his lesson? My sources point to no.
To see each team click here
| Rank | Attended | Total Money | Average Takings | |
| 1 | Nathan | 3 | $ 15,000 | $ 5,000 |
| 2 | Brandon | 3 | $ 6,700 | $ 2,233 |
| 3 | Mike | 3 | $ 6,600 | $ 2,200 |
| 4 | Alena | 3 | $ 4,200 | $ 1,400 |
| 5 | William | 2 | $ 3,800 | $ 1,900 |
| 6 | Ben | 3 | $ 3,700 | $ 1,233 |
| 7 | Steve | 2 | $ 3,000 | $ 1,500 |
| 8 | Brenda | 1 | $ 1,300 | $ 650 |
Pez Invitational will be at 1 p.m., June 26th, at Meadow Park. The annual contest were three "lucky" players win chalk-flavored candy.
The Upcoming!
Orange Shirt Classic
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| Alena, the not so Master Detective |
By Brandon Lasher
Alena Woicicki, a three-year IMC veteran, has discovered a shocking secret about the league. The Ironman Croquet League is full of nerds. The world was utterly bored.
"I recently went to a game of D & D," said supposedly cool Alena, "and was shocked to discover no less than three IMC players." "I was amazed to find a league of croquet players could be so uncool."
The IMC Commissioner Brandon Lasher quickly released a statement. "I congratulate Alena on figuring out the lamest non-secret in world history. You think a league full of Star Wars, comic book, Pez, and Spam references could be cool? Alena is clearly not the Sherlock Holmes of our time."
However, other members of the league were quick to defend their coolness. "I am not a nerd," yelled an angry Mike Cough, "Dungeons and Dragons is for nerds. I am a comic book collector!" Mike couldn't be reached for further comment as he was busy buying more Spiderman merchandise.
The news has caused some chaos in the league. Alena told her discovery to the league's lone jock, Nathan Cole. Nathan was so shocked he proceeded to give Steve Unfred a wedgie and steal his lunch money.
It is clear Alena's non-discovery has sent shock waves through the league. How will the league recover? The IMC will likely console itself with more comic books and role-playing games.