The News for those few who play real croquet!                                October 2, 2005

Nathan and Brandon "teaming" up to help Nathan win the 2005 Tour Champion ball

Nathan wins final two rounds and gets a little help to edge past Mike for his fourth Tour title along with Player of the Year honors

The 2005 season ended in epic fashion with a final duel between the season's best two players Mike Cough and Nathan Cole. Which ever one did the best in the 7th annual IMC Tour Championship would be the player of the year. In greedy fashion, they decided to take the final major as well. It left the rest of the league playing spoiler, a role that Brandon Lasher would play well later in the day.

The three round event has the tradition of being played at three courses chosen by the top three players in the league. This year that was Nathan Cole, Mike Cough and Brandon Lasher. Nathan decided to have his round at the new Roberts-Woicicki course in Eugene. It was a nice enough course and had the "honor" of being rained on most of the round.

The event had seven players: Nathan, Mike, Ben, Brandon, Alena, Steve Roberts and a returning Jennifer. Nathan jumped to an early lead but got stuck on a few simple looking dirt mound shots. This allowed Mike and then Brandon to take a huge lead into the front yard of the course. While Mike was able to breeze thru difficult shots dangerously close to the out of bounds street, Brandon went thru them slowly. This allowed Mike to easily win the first round. Brandon was able to hold off a charging Nathan with a good pop shot of the lava rock bed for second. Nathan took third.

Ben and Alena were able to get to the lava bed end stick next. Ben had problems with his pop shot allowing Alena to take a surprising fourth place in this round. Ben took fifth, Steve Roberts sixth, and Jennifer got stuck on a difficult tree trunk shot took last. She withdrew from the event shortly afterwards.

After lunch, the league headed over to the Cough Course for the second round. The event quickly broke down into twosomes: Mike and Nathan in the lead, Ben and Brandon close behind, and Alena with Steve far behind. Nathan was able to get thru the final wicket on cement under an old table near Mike's front door. He proceeded to the back yard and struggled with the end stick. The end stick was on a pool table requiring the use of a sled to make it onto the table. Nathan was able to hit it to claim first in the round just as Mike, Ben, and Brandon made it to the back yard. Steve Roberts withdrew to claim last place and to let Alena beat him. Nathan called him a pansy.

While all three players had shot to take second, Mike was finally able to do so. Ben took third and Brandon barely held off a fast charging Alena for fourth. This set up the final round at the famed Lasher Course. Mike had a one point lead over Nathan for the title. If Mike could beat Nathan in the final round, he would claim his second Tour title and third straight Player of the Year title.

After some hot cider on the cold October day, the league began the final round of the season. Brandon wanting to improve his position jumped to an early lead on the deck shot. He would be followed the rest of the round by Nathan. The other players fell behind struggling on the deck.

Brandon held the lead the entire round until the seventh wicket on the chain link fence when Nathan past Brandon by. Nathan breezed thru the last wickets and hit the end stick next to the Lasher's rusty shed. Nathan had to wait and see if he would have a playoff for the Tour Championship. He needed a spoiler.

Brandon decided to be that spoiler and held off a fast charging Mike for second in the round. This clinched Nathan his fourth Tour Championship title and third Player of the Year trophy. Mike took second overall and fell just short in his year long duel with Nathan. Steve, the pansy, took fourth in the round just ahead of Ben and Alena.

Thus ending the final event of 2005. Nathan fought off a year long challenge with Mike for the top honors. With a little help from his friends of course!

2005 Logo

By Brandon Lasher

The 2005 season was the year of the woman. After having nothing but sisters and Alena for years, we added two non-related female players. We actually had five memorable rookies to replace some league vets who had left us.

The year started with a rainy duel between Nathan and William at the final event at Mike's 2nd Cough Course. Naturally Nathan won and begun a traditional early season dominance. Nathan went on to steal a 5th straight Frog Tournament and Doubles Championship to start out the year with a bang. His doubles partner Mike would steal some mojo it seemed.

The year had many memorable moments. The Pez Invitional was played at a park with three brand new rookies and problems with cement basketball hoops. Ben Lasher got a speeding ticket on the way to the No-Lives. Steve Unfred won Steve Aid. An internet campaign supported a new rookie and a Spam trophy was violated by William Wolfs.

The tide turned with Mike beating out Nathan in a playoff for the Orange Shirt. Nathan was able to win No Lives at the Oregon Coast and the final ever Mike's Marvel. But he lost the Scott Balthrop again this time to Mike in the finals. While Ben and Steve Unfred had a few wins, it seemed to be a hogging of wins by Mike Cough and Nathan Cole.

The other players had memorable moments as well. Brandon and Alena got second in the Doubles Championship for Alena's best ever finish. Jennifer and Keri shocked the league by being non-related female players who returned. Kyle Stevenson gained a cult following after an impressive 5th place at the very hot Spam Classic.

But no rookie had more impact that pansy Steve Roberts. He lead for most of his first event the Pez Invitiational, he caused Nathan to sabtogue him at Steve Aid, he became the first player to shoot off a toilet and hit a miracle shot to steal fifth at the Mike Marvel. However, his most infamous moment was stealing second at the Spam Invitational. This gave Mike a fourth Spam King title edging out Steve Unfred and Brandon Lasher. It set Mike up for a memorable final event.

We would have had an epic final major, The Tour Championship, with Nathan and Mike fighting for Player of the Year. They traded round wins back and forth but a key second place by Brandon in the final round allowed Nathan to win the event without a playoff. It lead to Nathan's first Tour Championship and Player of the Year honors since 2002

This was Ironman Croquet 2005. It was a year of an epic Mike-Nathan duel, many rookies and brand new courses. Will the league build on its success in 2006? Which stupid Lakewood based croquet league will feel our wrath next year?

Mike's rant mocks President Bush (I had nothing to do with it Secret Service)

By Mike Cough

At the end of the 2004, I declared I would three-peat. I would show my father I could do something he never accomplished (mainly because he did not play croquet). I would form my game into a weapon of mass destruction and terrorize the IMC.

The battle began slow. While I thought my mission was just, I could find no support for my cause. The outside view was that I was being a tyrant and trying to impose my will. But I knew that the league would never be secure unless I was in charge. There were set backs initially but Operation: Orange Shirt, resulted in victory. I flew that orange shirt high and draped in over myself. This did not mean the situation was contained, there were still setbacks leading to the next major offensive, Operation: Scott Balthrop.

This event had many small skirmishes that lead to another victory. I took my seat as the champ here but still had the rest of the season to overcome. Now the IMC was really rebelling against me, opinion was down. However, I could not give up or it would mean the sacrifices of those I had beaten would be in vain. So I continued on destroying opposition and the numbers continued until the Spam Invitational. Near the South Bank of the McKenzie I won a great battle but after winning I still needed outside support to maintain the claim. My usual allies turned their back on me however there was one who I am sure believed in the cause who stepped up. This brave man's second place handed me my three-peat.

I had now done what I said I was going to do. I had won the Spam King trophy three years in a row. Two weeks later my second place at the Tour of Champions would bring the surrender of my Player of the Year trophy. A trophy I had also held for two years and I could hardly say weapons of mass destruction were involved in only a second place overall finish. There was no way this could ever be called a total victory. But hey I got my Three-peat so, "Mission Accomplished!"