The News for those few who play real croquet!                                September 18, 2005

Brandon Lasher takes his Spam King trophy loss out on Midge the dog (Editor's Note: I didn't actually hit the dog, just a picture)

Mike win event and holds on for third straight Spam King award

Steve Roberts played the role of Mike Cough's best friend at the 7th annual Spam Invitational. Mike, needed help to win his fourth Spam King trophy, got it from an unexpected place in Steve Roberts. Oh, the insanely difficult end stick likely helped too.

The event had a field of six players to wrap up the Spam Triple Crown. Ben, Brandon, Mike, and Steve Unfred all had strong chances to win the coveted Spam can. Alena and Steve Roberts were only playing spoilers. Nathan, league and Spam King leader, was a no-show. We later found out that he had overslept. The league grumbled his alarm clock was sabotaged by unknown assaliants.

The entire event took place in the muddy backyard at the Unfred Course. Mud would certainly play a factor early and often in the event. The event started with one of the highest starting sticks in league history on top of a wooden bench. This allowed the players to test their abilities to control their shots on cement towards the first wicket. Brandon and Steve Unfred jumped to an early lead.

The Hell Hill bunched up the field but Brandon was able to break away. Stupidly, he proceeded to get in a dumb argument over the mysterious twelve shots that Steve Roberts took on Hell Hill. "Honest, I believe it was twelve!" Steve's fingers exclaimed.

"Damn George W. Bush!" yelled Brandon. The dreaded George Bush shot slowed down Brandon along with his argument. This allowed Mike and Steve Unfred to catch up. They raced to a cement block creation that Brandon and Steve got stuck on. This allowing Mike to race thru it and hit the difficult end stick located at the green box for the Spam Invitational title. This was the same green box that caused problems at Steve-Aid 2005. Its terror on IMC players would continue on this day.

Mike needed someone other than Brandon or Steve Unfred to claim second place. If either of them did, they would get enough Frog Dollars in the Spam events to win Spam King. Brandon and Steve had multiple attempts to hit the end stick. This delay allowed Ben and Steve Roberts to catch up. Steve Roberts was able to land on a good upslope and pop his ball into the end stick for second place. Mike hugged his new buddy Steve Roberts. The rest of the league was mad with Ben even admitting he was purposely missing to not give Mike the Spam King honors. Alas, The Mike won it again.

The fun in the mud quickly ended. Ben took third and Brandon fourth. Steve Unfred was able to take a disappointing fifth as Alena has just arrived at the end stick. She took last place. The league shook their heads as Mike and Steve Roberts rode into the sunset.

Steve Unfred, the real art of the 2005 Lane County Fair

By Brandon Lasher

Steve Unfred has long been marveled at in the Ironman Croquet League for his ability to inspire. Alan Manka, league crazy man, was once found to marvel at the greatness of Steve's bum. While some said it was just a maneuver to throw Steve off his game; Alan often described the Steve Unfred as a "work of art". The world might finally begin seeing what Alan meant.

In August of this year, the Ironman Croquet League entered Steve Unfred as art in the photography contest of the Lane County Fair. "We were looking for a way to build the Ironman Croquet brand", explained the photographer Brandon Lasher, "and what better way than to showcase the original Steve." After looking at dozens of photos, the Ironman Croquet Elder Board picked the above image.

"It had the perfect blend of croquet action and our number one asset, Steve Unfred," said Ben Lasher at the unveiling ceremony. The picture was taken by Brandon Lasher at the 2005 Spam Classic. Steve was taking a shot towards the final wickets on his way to a Spam Classic victory. This amazing picture caught Steve in the middle of action amid a Sprinkler wicket. The picture was entered in the Life in Lane County section of the local fair.

The results were mixed. "I have never seen a more beautiful thing in life! This will join Da Vinci's Mona Lisa in the pantheon of great works," said Steve Unfred before his fake mustache fell off.

The critics, however, disagreed with Steve's assessment. "I don't quite know what to think about this picture," said John Hanson, Lane Country photography judge, "I believe this photos doesn't quite capture the lameness of croquet". The Ironman Croquet League demanded a non-croquet biased judge but it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, the great Steves are not appreciated in their own time.