The News for those few who play real croquet! April 17, 2005
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| Ben "enjoying" opening day 2005. |
New year and Nathan wins again!
By Brandon Lasher"I quit, it is too wet!" said Alena. Despite this shocking first ever weather-related withdrawal, the season-opening 7th annual Spam Open went on. While most players seemed to hate the rain, Nathan was caught singing in it.
"It is a good thing I have dumb luck!" said a happy Nathan. He had a back and forth duel with William for the event. William was rushing to finish the event due to an upcoming shift at work. It seemed to help his game. Might William be thinking too much when he is not in a hurry?
Mike, when not locking his keys in a running car, got off to a slow start. He got off to a horrible start on the opening Pool Table Shot with Brandon and Alena. He passed Ben by only to lose third back to Ben on an amazing chip shot into the end stick. Mike ,the blockhead, took fourth. Brandon easily took fifth due to sugar-coated Alena's withdrawal.
Nathan achieved a milestone 20th victory. Will this be the beginning of a great year or will Nathan get bored and vanish again? Only time will tell.
| Rank | Attended | Total Money | Average Takings | |
| 1 | Nathan | 1 | $ 5,000 | $ 5,000 |
| 2 | William | 1 | $ 3,000 | $ 3,000 |
| 3 | Ben | 1 | $ 1,500 | $ 1,500 |
| 4 | Mike | 1 | $ 800 | $ 800 |
| 5 | Brandon | 1 | $ 700 | $ 700 |
| 6 | Alena | 1 | $ 600 | $ 600 |
Frog Tournament will be at 11 a.m., May 15th, at the Lasher. Will Nathan pull off the unbelievable 5-peat or will a new champ appear?
The Upcoming!
Ironman Croquet Doubles Championship
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| William violating the Spam King Trophy |
By Brandon Lasher
After losing a close duel to Nathan, William Wolfs lost his cool. In one of the most shocking moments in league history, he stuck the seven-year old Spam King trophy down his pants. We knew William had little regard for league history,but this was only part of his long history of poor sportsmanship.
William has a long history of problems. William used to live in Las Vegas but had to leave under shocking circumstances. After losing in the 2003 World Series of Poker, William proceeded to stick the World Champion bracelet down his pants.
"I can't believe it!" said Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman, "Indecency is not tolerated in this family-friendly town. William will not bring any filth to this wholesome place." Since that shocking day, William has not been allowed into Las Vegas.
However, this pattern goes far beyond the sports world. "We were playing Family Feud," said embarrassed wife Alena, "and William lost the game. As opposed to accepting his loss, he proceed to steal the game board and put it down his pants. He just can't accept defeat well".
The IMC Elder Board has started to begin the process of cleaning the Spam King trophy. "It is going to be a long and grueling process," said trophy holder Mike,"No amount of money is too much to clean this spray painted wood and empty Spam can." However, the trophy will never be the same again.