The News for those few who play real croquet! August 6, 1999
The News for those few who play real croquet! August 6, 1999
Starts with five, ends with four as fate cuts the field
Alan was trapped in Colorado, Amy and Steve were camping, and Scott was in California, missing his own Memorial Tournament. And Jon could only show up for one round making one of the smallest fields in some time. A good thing too, more hotdogs for the rest of us! (A barbeque occurred after the event.) The round Jon was there though, he placed first, over Brandon and Mike respectively, Making one wonder how the major would have turned out since Brandon won, Mike came in second, and Nathan was third overall. Jon had to sell knives, forcing him out of competition, he had this to say before leaving, "Wanna buy some knives?" By the end of the second round; Brandon, Mike, and Nathan were all tied up. This made for a winner take all final round that was exciting and came down to a few missed shots that went out to the street. Mike had only this to say about Brandon's win, and his ever widening lead, "The Rock shall lay the smackth down on Brandon next time we meet!" Brandon credited the win to Scott's "presence." Other players were not so convinced. Points as they now stand: Rank Player Attended Total points 1st 2nd 3rd M.P. 1 Brandon 9 33 1 2 2 20 2 Jon 7 19 2 3 - - 3 Steve 7 17 2 1 2 2 4 Ben 9 15 1 1 1 6 5 Mike 7 13 1 - 2 6 6 Nathan 2 2 - - - 2 7 Amy 1 0 - - - - 7 Scott 1 0 - - - - 9 Alan 2 0 - - - -
The Lunar Open, will be August 13th, 12:00 p.m. at Steve's course. Expect prizes, Steve, and a dog named Andy to get in the way sometimes. I mean the dog just stands in front of the ball. What's with that? The dog must be trained to sabotage people. Pez Invitational, will be August 21st, 7 p.m. in the spacious Jon Dome. Pez will be given, croquet will be played, people will be used. Later on the Tour: Sport's Day Festival, September 4th Spam Invitational, September 24th The IMC Tournament of Champions. And on October 2nd, the final Major, and last Tourney of the season will occur. Mark your calendars! Some time after the final Major, (It went so fast didn't it?) will be the awards party. All players should attend and such. Though I'm sure, some of you will have excuses. Amy and Jon will be in college out of city, Alan will probably still be stuck in Colorado, and Scott, like always, will be sitting in front of a computer in California.
Jon Crawford is a closet Mac user! Not many people knew this before the tour started, but this sort of thing is hard to hide. In a world were all the good games and software comes out for PCs, a Mac user is a rarity. The signs are easy to spot: a hatred for Bill Gates, an out of place question wondering why the mouse has so many buttons, and always searching for the Apple key on a keyboard only to find a Windows key and then cursing profusely. We went to an expert on computers, Scott Balthrop, for a possible explanation, "Oh, my God!", he exclaimed and then Scott quickly left the press conference. Jon fought back against the anti-Mac sentiment within the league, and even tried to hold a Mac pride parade, but only he attended. "My Mac can kick your IBM's butt!" screamed Jon, in a defiant tone. Brandon, Jon's Sith Lord brethren, was even offended. He had this to of say to a mob of disillusioned press, "I don't know who he is anymore." Then Brandon mumbled some more stuff we didn't catch, because he was crying. But not all croquet players felt so strongly. Nathan Cole offered this, "A machine is a machine." If only that were true.
