The News for those few who play real croquet! September 9, 2000
The News for those few who play real croquet! September 9, 2000
Brandon end winless drought, end stick leads to chaos!
By Brandon Lasher
Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe in a dog poop filled course with a impossible
end stick? Then you would have loved the Spam Invitational at the dreded Manka Course. Where
Brandon, last year's grand champ finally won this season and picked up the Spam King title to
boot. P.A.R. is alive and well.
Ben, Brandon, Kristy, and Steve jumped to a big lead on the course before Alan's middle
hill shot messed everyone up, except Brandon who took such a commanding lead he finished nearly
half an hour before the others. He even hit the end stick in one shot...something that was all
the remarkable later. "The Croquet gods were on my side!" said a thankful Brandon.
Then he waited and waited to see if he could pull out Spam King. While Kristy was
hitting moving cars, Steve got to the end stick next. But it seemed Alan didn't test it as
whenever anyone got close, they rolled far down the hill. It allowed Nathan, Alan, Ben, Mike,
and Kristy to catch up to Steve for a long, cuthroat battle. Where everyone, especially Alan,
was chasing their ball down the hill. Mike pulled second and with Kristy third, Brandon's
Spam title was preserved. Mike promised to shine the trophy up, turn it sideways, and....
So goes another sportsmen-like tourney.
The Frog Dollars as they now stand:
Rank Player Attended Total Money Average Takings
1 Alan 14 $ 39,400 $ 2,814
2 Kristy 8 $ 31,700 $ 3,963
3 Nathan 11 $ 24,500 $ 2,227
4 Jon 6 $ 18,600 $ 3,100
5 Brandon 14 $ 17,600 $ 1,257
6 Steve 11 $ 17,280 $ 1,571
7 Mike 10 $ 16,700 $ 1,670
8 Ben 14 $ 12,980 $ 927
9 Josh 5 $ 3,200 $ 640
10 Kyle 6 $ 2,800 $ 467
11 John 2 $ 900 $ 450
12 Tessa 2 $ 600 $ 300
13 Rick 1 $ 300 $ 300
14 Java 1 $ 160 $ 160
Ironman Croquet Tournament of Champions is 10:00 a.m., September 9th , at
the Manka Course, Cole Course, and Lasher Course who end the season as Major Champion?
The Upcoming!
2000 Croquet Awards at the Cough Home...T.B.A.
The Big Seven: The first "real" Ironman Tourney
In 1998, the croquet league took its first steps towards becoming Ironman. It was one of the first time with a big field, seven people. The previous record was that of four people so this was a shock. It was the first event ever for Jon Crawford, Mike Cough, Amy Unfred, and Cody Duncan. They were joined by Ben, Brandon, and Steve on the hottest day of the year. It started with the tough deck shot and quickly went down hill. Eventually they got to the ramp near the garden box. In a previous tourney, Brandon and Steve were able to use the ramp in and get out without problem. But the rest quickly damaged the box from what it would not recover. Bastards. I see why we invented the flop shot. The crazy part was we didn't put in the out of bounds rule. We decided instead to have shots going across the street with a wicket in a neighbor's yard. We had scenes of players avoiding cars and causing most of those paint chips you see on the croquet balls. Ben, Cody, and Amy dropped out as opposed to finishing. The cool end stick was actually the 57th street address pole, about fifty feet from the normal Lasher Course. You could easily fall in the street. But Jon and Steve raced to an exciting finish. Steve pulled out a victory and Jon begun the trend of second. Brandon and Mike got third and fourth. Those four finishers had sunburns to prove it. Truly a historical day as the sport went away from croquet and became Ironman. In fact, it was a little too Ironman for our taste.
