The News for those few who play real croquet! May 27, 2000
The News for those few who play real croquet! May 27, 2000
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| Jon hands his "Life" over to Kristy. |
We Still Have No Lives! Kristy gets some cereal, brother finishes second, just short of a life!
By Ben Lasher
To prove you have no life, you play long events, you play in the rain,
you put a towel over your head and look like a nun: Jon did all those things
to show all how it is to have won a life. Kristy won her second event, to
join Jon in being one of the players to win a life.
Other players had small problems getting to the end, Alan fell just short
of a life, playing politely and avoided knocking Kristy in the street, but fell
just short of the end stick. Kristy repaid Alan's kindness and knocked him into
the street. Mike got second because of this foul deed. "This is the last time
I play nice!", Alan swore that day.
Mike had great trials getting to the end, the Frog Pond caused many Yosemite
Sam like-Expletives to come out of his mouth though out the tournament.
In other tournament action, Nathan pulled out a decent finish from last,
passing Ben, Brandon, Jon, and Josh after the last ring. "I don't know how I got
4th from dead last.", Nathan stated at a press conference after the event.
The whole event ended with the now traditional, person-who-got-a-life-last-year
-giving-the-new-winner-a-box. (See photto above)
Jon choked back the tears of resentment as he gave his Life away to Kristy. So
goes another tourney.
The Frog Dollars as they now stand:
Rank Player Attended Total Money Average Takings
1 Nathan 5 $ 12,600 $ 2,520
2 Kristy 4 $ 10,700 $ 2,675
3 Alan 5 $ 10,600 $ 2,120
4 Jon 4 $ 9,600 $ 2,400
5 Ben 5 $ 7,100 $ 1,420
6 Mike 4 $ 5,100 $ 1,275
7 Steve 4 $ 4,180 $ 1,045
8 Brandon 5 $ 3,600 $ 720
9 Rick 1 $ 300 $ 300
10 Josh 2 $ 200 $ 100
11 Kyle 1 $ 100 $ 100
(The Average takings will be more exciting after more tourneys.)
Orange Shirt Classic is 10 a.m., June 3rd , at the famed Lasher Course. Be prepared
for all day croquet action as a star-studded field fights for the most coveted prize in
Ironman Croquet, The Orange Shirt!
The Upcoming!
June 17th, The Midnight Rose Open, at the Manka Course.
July 8th, The Mike Marvel Open Invitational, at the Cough Course.
July 15th, The Spam Classic, at the Cole Course.
July 22nd, The Scott Balthrop Memorial Tournament, the "other" Major. Be there! Lasher Course.
Well, it is here. The tournament were legends are made. Where the Ironman Croquet players
come to join immortality. Where the career dream is reached. Yes, it is time again for
the Orange Shirt Classic, arguably the most respected of the majors. So I asked members
of the league what would it mean to be an Orange Shirt Champion.
"I would be a god among men," said Jon Crawford, the greatest player never to win a major.
He knows the importance of winning an Orange Shirt and will try to make up for last year
when he blew his lead in the final round.
"It would rank me as the greatest ever to play the game. Winning once was a dream come true,
twice would be unbelievable," said the defending champion Brandon. He ranks it as the best
event on tour.
But not all regard an Orange Shirt Classic champion as a big deal. Those sacrilegious folks
see it as another event
"It would be another victory," said evil Ewok Nathan. Since he has never played an Orange
Shirt, maybe he doesn't know how special one is.
So what will the next Orange Shirt give us? No one knows but it is safe to say it will be
memorable. All Orange Shirts are.
