The News for those few who play real croquet!                      April 22,2000

Jon and Nathan change places, Kristy and Rick begin a feud. Jon's Bunny Stolen!

 

	Well, the Spam Open began with a bang, a huge Firework display, and ended with a few
more when Rick began to level other's balls, in the first of the Spam Triple Crown.

     Jon won his first tourney of the Year, with Nathan right behind. Brandon and Alan finished
in the same places they finished in the Kick-off Tourney, 3rd and 4th respectively.

     Jon got a Chocolate Bunny and a Burger King Crown for his troubles, which were both stolen
by unknown hoodlums  in Mike's neighborhood, after the tournament had ended. Jon had this to
say to most of the neighborhood, quite loudly, "What day and age do we live in when a man
can't keep his bunny!"

     Though the real story began after Jon and Nathan finished, everything went dirty. Rick 
began abusing every other player, including Ben the Greatest player (and editor of this 
newsletter) of all time. Ben finally got out of Rick's way and was trying desperately to finish
when Kristy, who could have finished that turn, also sabotaged him.
 
     Fortunately Rick and Kristy started to feud amongst themselves allowing Ben to finish and
get the hell out of the way. Then for the next 25 minutes Rick and Kristy began to knock each 
other out into the street, causing then many a lost turn.

     A collective, "They're just Peeps!", came from the shock, and horrified on-lookers. 

          
     
     The Frog Dollars as they now stand:

Rank  Player  Attended  Total Money  Average Takings
 
  1   Jon        2         $8000          $4000               
  1   Nathan     2         $8000          $4000 
  3   Brandon    2         $2000          $1000
  4   Alan       2         $1600          $ 800
  5   Mike       2         $1100          $ 550
  6   Ben        2         $ 800          $ 400       
  7   Steve      2         $ 680          $ 340    
  8   Rick       1         $ 300          $ 300 
  9   Kristy     1         $ 100          $ 100
  9   Kyle       1         $ 100          $ 100
                 
 (The Average takings will be more exciting after more tourneys.)

The Frog Memorial Tournament, is May 13th at 12 p.m. at the Lasher Course. Come 
to honor the Frog who fell last year at this time during the Mummy Invitational.

The Upcoming!

May 20th,  The Ironman Croquet Doubles Championship, at the Unfred Course. 

May 27th, We-Have-No-Lives Classic, at the Lasher Course.

June 3rd, The Orange Shirt Classic, at the Lasher Course.

June 17th, The Midnight Rose Open, at the Manka Course. (Not at Midnight, at least I
hope to god it isn't)

 
	
	I write this on the verge of a tourney in my name,  a event that will mark the day the
league really began, we had our first e-mail newsletter that eventually became this more
involved voice behind the league. And on that note, I will be a spokesman for the league as a
whole, bring up points that either bother me or make me laugh.

     * What's with Alan and Jon with all those Steve ass jokes? Freud might see something in 
that.

     * What's up with Rick? He must be trying to win Most Dangerous again this year, though 
Kristy is coming close.

     * What's with all the Star Wars Stuff? We got Sith Lords, Ewoks, and a Wookie. It was a 
good movie but come on. 

     * Will Kyle win rookie of the year by default?

     * Nathan is getting my vote for Most improved player..... so far.

 

     You know this one might be tough. Sure we have talked about other croquet icons like, Scott
Balthrop, but his work pales in his comparison to a frog who is the icon of a sport, The Croquet
Frog. Previously of the Frog Shot until a disgusting, vile little man named Ben forced the Frog
into early retirement. On the verge of the 1st annual Frog Memorial Tournament, the league
provided some insightful thoughts of the Frog of the hour....

     "I can't believe he is gone,"said a tearful Jon after a reflective pause. We asked Jon to
provide more but he was too devastated to continue.

     "What Frog?" said Frog Shot creator, Steve Unfred. We believe he still is in denial of the
tragic incident as denial is the first step of the grief process.
     
     But not all were happy about the Frog. The Mike said the following, "The Rock doesn't give
three drops of monkey urine about the Frog."

     The Frog has had a long history. Part of the game since the mid-1990's he stood over 
croquet tournaments  for years until the tragic Mummy Invitational. 

     He was a close family friend of The Lasher's as league legend, Brandon recalls, "We use to 
go out root beer drinking together, damn you Ben!"

     So Saturday May 13, remember the fallen Croquet Icon, our beloved Frog who made the sport 
what it is today and remember to shame the evil Ben for his act of villainy. 

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