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A Feature Commentary
by "Risky Business" Ronnie Raines
Actually, before I go any further, I have to apologize. That's right, I'm apologizing. I just realized who I'm talking to. You're not knuckle-dragging, dirt-eating, chain-smoking, NASCAR-watching, cousin-dating inbreeds. This is the internet, after all. You're all a bunch of socially inept, chat room-addicted, pocket protector-wearing, Star Trek-watching, never-dating computer geeks! What? Did you think that maybe I was going to compliment you by saying you were computer savvy smart marks? If you did, then you're all bigger dorks than I first thought!
Getting back to my point, not only is �Risky Business� Ronnie Raines the �World�s Sexiest Manager�� but I am also seen every week on television in Massachusetts with the Elite Wrestling Alliance; I have been seen in PRO WRESTLING ILLUSTRATED�s PWI 500 issue, noted as manager of #462 ranked Johnny Greco, and long-time foe of #480-something-ranked Cremator, the former I.M.C.W. TransWorld Heavyweight Champ; I�ve managed top-talent up and down the east coast conquering such states as Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Massachusetts, and right here in IMCW's home base of good ol� pig-swallow Pennsylvania, working dozens of pro-wrestling promotions like All-American Wrestling to the World Wrestling Union. I�ve got all the hot babes crawling all over me� and I�ve got all the guys wishin� they were me!
To think, for one moment, with all of my sterling credentials, that all of you wanna-be graduates from the Star Fleet Academy have the absolute audacity to compare me to an annoying, little twerp with long, black hair is completely preposterous and incredibly unacceptable! To chant his name over and over, �Jim-my Hart! Jim-my Hart! Jim-my Hart!� I am not an annoying, little twerp with long, black hair! I AM NOT JIMMY HART! What I am is the �World�s Sexiest Manager� and, once I'm through with Iron Man Championship Wrestling, all of your pathetic good-guys, like the Patriot, Buck Wylde, Dana Hinkle, Rico Suave, Jr., and Demolition Ax will be asking themselves the eternal question... �WHO WILL PUT THE DAMAGE ON?!!!�
