Was
Van die Liebhaberin?
(What
of the Lovers?)
By:
Steve Anthonijsz RKN
This article originally
appeared in Théod magazine Vol II No 3 (Lammas 1995) under the pen name “Radböd
Ártisson”.
True religion is not separate from
any particular aspect of our lives. It is involved in our morality, our
politics, our work habits, even our times of play. Something that touches us so
deeply and thoroughly must, obviously, touch on the most fundamental and
powerful aspects of our lives- love and death. Perhaps it is due to the strong
focus in the Reawakening on the Æsir and their warrior values that we have seen
so many articles in Heathen journals on the subject of Death. For example, the
association between death and Óðinn, the Valkyriur, the passing of BaldR, u.s.w.,
are themes which often appear. If this is so, the lack on concentration on the
Vanir may explain the absence of discussion with regards to love and romantic
relationships among the fólk.
Love
is a very special, though confusing, part of out lives. It involves emotion,
commitment, duty, sex, personal life goals of both partners, and a myriad of
other issues. Is it not weak-minded to imagine that such an aspect of out lives
would not be affected by our Heathenry? Assuming one has found a partner worthy
of the kind of effort and commitment described above, how does one manage the
relationship as outlined by the advice of our wise and honourable ancestors? To
understand this, we must understand two things: the general social relationship
between Man and Woman, and the obligation of each partner to the other. Our
ancestors lived in a society which probably demonstrated more equality between
the sexes in the social realm than any other. Neither gender was considered
more important than the other, as both were seen as priceless members of the ætt
(family), though generally had different responsibilities. The man was the main
protector of the heimR (home) and sib (tribe), the gatherer of
spoils, the home provider, and it was he who was responsible for the payment of
taxes and debts. Although the man was generally regarded as the head of the
household, the woman enjoyed a great deal of license, especially in the areas
of heimR, various crafts, and social/spiritual influence. The woman carried the
house keys, cooked, made and sold cloth, and was responsible for domestic and
economic affairs. She could take up weapons to defend herself, and could speak
at the Þing (legal assembly), and could even obtain a divorce with a
fair division of property. While both partners were encouraged to build the
moral fibre in each other, most of this charge was placed on the woman.
Today,
our social structure is very different from that of our ancestors. Many
variations on the nuclear family have become the norm rather than the
exception. What is important for us to learn from our forefathers is the status
invested in each partner by the other. Neither one individually could make or
break the couple or the family. All was seen as a mutual exchange between the
talents and abilities of each- though it was recognized that women generally
are better at some things, and others, men.
For
those today who are not handfasted or raising families, these same principles
apply, though perhaps, less formally. We might consider that our ancestors
recognized two kind of loyalty: ætt ok trú (family and bond-oath).
Neither was seen as greater than the other, as is evidenced by many stories in
the Eddas and sagas. The process of dating, to courtship, to bryllup
(handfasting) might be considered a slow preparation toward changing the kind
of loyalty from one of oath to one of blood, the bryllup functioning as a sort
of initiation or adoption.
While
a bryllup was generally planned more around practical concerns by our ancestors
than by romantic ones, one should not think that romance was unknown or
unimportant to them. One of the most romantic tales of all time is The
Wooing of GerðR as found in Skirnismál. FreyR sacrifices Bloðughof-
the horse that could dash through fire and water- and his magical sword- which
could fight of its own accord when drawn- on the mere gamble that he might win
the heart of GerðR. When one considers that the source of this lay comes from a
purely Viking perception, we may begin to understand the gravity of losing a
sword and a horse. This immolation even leads to FreyR’s death at Ragnarøk when
he attempts to battle SurtR with a stag antler in lieu of his sword. In the
meanwhile, however, FreyR hallows GerðR, taking her from the cold and the dark,
and giving her a fruitfulness that she did not think was possible. FreyR, in
this tale, demonstrates his tendency to turn Yearning into Joy, Joy into
Abundance, and Abundance back into Yearning, demonstrating both his True nature
as a proper lover, and also as a god of prosperity.
So what of unmarried couples going
through various stages of this process? What are their rôles and duties toward
one another? Obviously, the keeping of the home is not yet an issue (though
various stages of this may come into play now that single parenthood and other non-traditional
lifestyles are common). How interesting and important are the duties of lovers,
especially in today’s decadent society—although this is rarely recognized due
to that same decadence. We are given great autonomy, yet have lost the sense of
honour and taboo which allows us to fully take advantage of this opportunity
for ourselves and our partners.
It
has often been said that Heathenry is a path of doing more so than one of
feeling or believing. In this we are not given a simplistic law book, but,
instead, proven principles by which we are to base our decisions and actions.
How much is this demonstrated in our relationship, where it really counts?
Romantic partners are to be both helga (special friend) and ráðgjafi
(counsellor). It is our duty to lighten each other’s cares, to soothe each
other’s sorrows, and to augment each others’ joys. We are to watch over each
other’s interests, warn each other of dangers, and comfort each other during
trials. Most importantly, by our holy, diligent, and attractive deportment, we
are to constantly endeavour to render each other more virtuous, more useful,
more honourable, and happier. In other words, while we ourselves are Worthing,
we are to aid each other in this same process. This is the difficult part. No one
wants to be involved in a relationship with a partner who is constantly trying
to change him or her. On the other hand, do we not all want to find someone who
will help bring forth the best in us?
In this context, we might consider
again the nature of Yngvi-FreyR. Currently, FreyR is often seen as a simple
fertility god. Our ancestors, however, generally saw him as the giver of friðR
(fruitful peace). Kings associated with this VanR were remembered not just for
keeping the fólk happy, but for improving their lives and then sustaining this
improved lifestyle. It is understanding this difference that makes a Heathen
partner more significant than isavi (fólk who are not trú) competitors
in today’s romantic marketplace. For we are those who understand Worthing, and
are TRÚ FÓLK who will actively pursue these goals rather than idealizing them.
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