Sitting on my father's lap while singing songs.
His facial features I remember well.
It was many years ago, and time just takes so long.
After he left us I didn't understand what was happening.
My mother cried, tears staining her broken face.
In my child mind I thought everything was ok.
If only I knew then what I know now, something time could not erase.
As a young adult fresh and new to the world,
I bore an anger deep inside.
One that stirred and brewed
And has a life of it's own, one I eventually couldn't hide.
I couldn't see the good in anyone.
I thought everyone was the same.
But then when my mother passed away
Everything was different, and so the tears then came.
It seemed it took forever
for me to kill this beast inside.
It kept me from living a normal life.
My heart had too much pride.
It's funny how a death can change
Everything you think and feel.
Hate is never something to carry or admire.
In my heart I love him still.
I still don't want this daughterly love to be so,
I've fought it for so many years.
Still, he'll always be my father
Yet he'll never wipe away my tears.
By: Shelly Belk, 2005
