Intrepid Traveler - Part 9

Justin looked up when he heard the door open, smiling when he saw the person who the room belonged to walk in.  A while back Brian offered him the use of the room to study in since it was quiet and private, unlike the library or Justin’s room.  Which was exactly what Justin was currently doing.  However, he quickly put his book away when he noticed the expression on the brunet’s face.  Even without Brian slamming the door with a loud thump, it was obvious that the taller man was upset.

“You ok?” Justin asked, rising from the chair. 

He watched Brian take in a deep breath before turning his attention to Justin.  “Just wonderful,” he snarled, tossing his bag down on the floor next to the dresser.  He then walked past Justin and slumped down on his bed. 

Justin always prided himself in the ability to be able to read Brian’s moods, knowing when to prod for information or when to just leave the ad exec alone.  But knowing what to do usually involved knowing what was wrong.  Which wasn’t the case at the present time. 

With the lack of other alternatives, the artist moved toward the opposite bed and sat down.  “Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” the other teen mumbled without looking up.  Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on the floor. 

Of course, Brian’s refusal to “share” didn’t deter the young artist.  “Did something happen in class?”

Brian inhaled sharply, glaring up at him.  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Justin simply shook his head.  “No.”  He watched as the other teen bit his lip, gnawing it between his teeth, while watching Justin intently, testing him to see if Justin would just give in.  But Justin didn’t come as far as he did by just giving up.  So, he returned Brian’s gaze with similar intensity.

“I applied for a summer internship,” Brian finally said.

“Isn’t it a little early?”

Brian shook his head.  “No, most internships are gone before the winter break.  And this one is…” he sighed.  “It’s perfect.  It’s a respectable agency and it’s in Pittsburgh, so I could also have side jobs to make some money over the summer.”

None of that sounded like something anybody, even Brian, would get all pissy about to Justin.  “Isn’t that a good thing?”’

Brian gave him a dubious look.  “Yeah, it’s a great thing.  Unless you have a prick for a professor.” 

“I don’t understand.”

Brian sighed again.  “You need to submit a letter of recommendation from a faculty member with the application.  I asked Coven.”

Now Justin was beginning to understand.  “He said no?”

“He said…” Brian raked his hand through his hair, getting more agitated.  “He said that I still have a lot to learn and that while my ideas are good, they wouldn’t work successfully in the real world.”

Justin stared at his lover, not knowing what to say.  What he wanted to do was march over to that idiot’s office and tell him just how successful Brian would become.  Quickly scratching that idea, Justin focused on trying to make the other teen feel better.  The only thing that popped into his head was the obvious choice of sex, sex, and more sex.  He started to move when another thought floated through his mind.  “What’s the agency’s name?”

Brian raised his eyes to his.  “What?”

“The agency.  That you’re applying to.”

“What the fuck does that matter?  I won’t get the job there anyway,” Brian looked away.

“Just tell me,” Justin insisted.

“Ryder & Associates.”

Justin felt his mouth twitch in the corners and before he could help himself, his lips spread into a full-fledged smile.  Rising from the bed, he walked over and knelt in front of the sulking man.  He waited before the brunet shifted his gaze to meet Justin’s.

“Trust me when I tell you this,” Justin began, “Whatever that asshole has to say, it doesn’t matter.  He doesn’t have a clue what the fuck he’s talking about.  You are going to be successful and make more money than that idiot has ever dreamed off.”

Brian smirked.  “Really.  And you know that how?”

Justin shrugged.  “I just do.”

“That’s very convincing,” Brian commented, sarcastically.

“Look, I can’t tell you how I know this, can’t explain it.  But I do know it.  You’ll get this internship and the job there and you’ll have hundreds of huge accounts.  You’ll even make partner.”

Even though Justin was glad to finally see the frown disappear from Brian’s face, being replaced by a smile, the reaction wasn’t what the blond was looking for.  He wanted Brian to know that he was worth so much more than the teen believed.  That he would accomplish more by the time he was thirty than most people do in a lifetime. 

“Are all WASPs such optimists?” Brian smiled, running his hand through the Justin’s hair, lingering in the back of his neck. 

Justin shook his head.  “This isn’t optimism.”

“Drugs?” Brian teased.

The artist smiled.  “No.  It’s…me.”  He stared into the hazel eyes of his lover, wanting, needing Brian to believe him.  To see what he saw when he looked at Brian.  “Trust me,” he whispered.

The smile long gone, Brian kept his eyes locked on Justin’s, searching for something inside of him and with baited breath Justin waited – waited for Brian to find what it was he was looking for. 

“I do,” Brian breathed out.

Before Justin could react, Brian ducked his head down, capturing Justin’s lips with his own.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Where are you?” Nick’s voice cut through Justin’s thoughts.

Looking up, Justin flashed his friend an apologetic smile.  “Sorry.  Spacing out, I guess.”

“You mean, daydreaming about Brian’s long cock up your tight ass?” Nick teased.

Justin grinned.  “You forgot to mention ‘big’.”

“Boys.”

The two of them turned to Lindsay who shook her head at them.

“Oh, don’t even try to tell me this is uncomfortable for you,” Justin mocked.

“Yeah, you WASPs are wilder than most when it comes to sex,” Nick added.

The two men laughed as Lindsay’s cheeks flushed, turning into a nice shade of pink.

“You’re discussing sex and you didn’t invite me?”

Justin looked up at the sound of his lover’s voice.  Brian threw an acknowledging nod at their two friends on the opposite side of the table, then tossed his bag under the bench and flopped down next to Justin.  Before the blond could utter a word, Brian wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.  It wasn’t the hottest or the most passionate kiss, but Justin felt like he was about to melt into a huge puddle on the ground.  This being PSU, they rarely were able to do simple things like hold hands or kiss in public.  And even when they could – among their friends or in gay clubs on the nights when they went out - Brian wasn’t big on public displays of emotions. 

When they broke the kiss, Justin smiled.  “I take it your midterm went well.”

“Better than well,” Brian replied, returning his smile.

“See, and you were worried.”

“I wasn’t worried.” 

Justin shot his lover a pointed look. 

“I just…wasn’t as confident as you,” Brian added, “Not all of us possess the power to see the future.”

Justin snickered, leaning in for another kiss.

“Isn’t that sweet?” They heard next to them.  For a moment there Justin actually forgot that Nick and Lindsay were there.  And from the look on Brian’s face, the other teen had forgotten about them as well.  And would have preferred if those two were really gone.

“Yeah, so sweet it makes me wanna vomit,” Nick commented, grimacing at the two of them.  “They’re like a fucking old married couple.”

“We can actually hear you, you know,” Brian shot a warning look at Justin’s friend.

Nick’s gaze shifted, openly challenging Brian.  “Your point being?”

Justin heard Brian huff and knew that he had to change the subject or things could get hairy.  The two men had learned to tolerate each other, but Justin had long ago lost his hope that his friend and his lover would actually like each other.  “So,” Justin started, turning to Nick, “What are you doing tonight?”

“A bunch of us were planning on going out.  To Galaxy maybe.  You up for it?”

Justin shrugged, turning to Brian.  “You wanna go?”

Lips pressed together, Brian stared at him for a beat before answering.  “Can’t.  Gotta study.”

“Oh,” was all that Justin managed to utter, a weird feeling washing over him.  He couldn’t pinpoint what it was that he was feeling, but something was different.  Very different.  Something in Brian changed all of a sudden.  The kind, gentle expression on his face turned into an unreadable mask that was Brian’s trademark and Justin had no idea what had triggered it. 

“Taylor, would you please tell your boyfriend to take the stick out of his ass and stop being such a party pooper?”

Justin swallowed hard, doing his best to ignore the growing knot in his stomach when he felt Brian’s hand slip away from his lap where it had been resting since their last kiss. 

“You’d know what it feels like, wouldn’t you?” Brian snarled, glaring at Nick, “Since it’s the only thing you’ve had up your ass in a long time.”  With that, the brunet rose from the bench and, picking up his bag, walked away from the group without another word.

“What the fuck was that about?”

Justin shrugged at his friend’s question, not knowing the answer to it himself.  He sighed heavily, watching Brian’s form disappear behind a building before turning back to the other two people at the table.

“Is he ok?” Lindsay asked.

 

Justin’s only response was another shrug of his shoulders.

“So, what about tonight?  You coming?” Nick asked, changing the subject.

Justin glanced over his shoulder one more time in the direction Brian left in, hoping to see his lover walking back toward him.  Of course, that was an empty hope.  Turning his attention back to Nick, he nodded.  “Count me in.”

“How about you, Linds?” Nick asked.

“I can’t,” the young woman responded.  “Hannah and I had a fight.”

“That was two days ago,” Justin commented.

“Yeah.  We’re making up tonight.”

Justin narrowed his eyes, confused.  “Was that like planned?”

“No, silly,” Lindsay smiled, as if Justin said the most ridiculous thing.  “It’s just how it works.  Depending on the nature of the fight and the size of it, you wait either twenty-four, forty-eight, or seventy-two hours before making up.  Gives you time to cool off, to prepare a plan or a speech, whatever.”

The two men just stared at her as if she was speaking to them in Japanese.

Finally, Nick snorted loudly.  “Women,” he shook his head, meeting Justin’s gaze.   “Thank God, I’m queer.”

“Me too,” Justin chuckled.

“Men are so much easier to deal with,” Nick added.

Casting one more glance in the direction Brian left in, all Justin could do was sigh.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Later that night, as Nick pulled in the car he borrowed from his roommate into the parking lot of Galaxy, Justin found that the weird feeling from earlier only intensified.  He half-expected Brian to change his mind and come out with them tonight.  Or at least, hoped to hear from the man.  But it was almost five hours later and Justin found himself wishing that he blew Nick off and chose to “study” with Brian instead.

That idea was thrown out to the wind as soon as he walked inside the club, his eyes settling on a familiar form in the middle of the dance floor.  Justin couldn’t make himself look away, his gaze fixed on a tall man in black with his arms wrapped around someone.  Someone else.  Someone who wasn’t him. 

Justin felt Nick’s hand on his trying to pull him in the direction they just came from and he thought he heard his friend saying something about leaving, but it was if he was nailed to the floor, forced to watch his lover grind his body against some trick in leather pants and too much grease in his hair.

The spell was broken when two hazel eyes met his.  Brian stopped dancing, moving away from the trick, his eyes not leaving Justin’s.  The blond squeezed his eyes, trying to shut out the bright lights and the loud sound and the excruciating pain that was coursing through his body.  But, of course, that didn’t work. 

Turning around, Justin ran out of the building, ignoring Nick calling his name.  He just kept on walking.  Until…until he heard Brian’s voice right behind him.

“Taylor?  Would you just stop for one fucking second?” Brian called after him.

But Justin just kept on moving.

“Hey!  Don’t you fucking walk away from me!” Brian shouted.

Rolling his fingers into fists in anger, Justin finally stopped and turned around, glaring at Brian.  “Studying, huh?  How’s that going for you?” he asked angrily.

Brian looked away.  “I…”  He met Justin’s eyes again.  “I needed to unwind.”

Justin sneered in a way of response, finding Brian’s excuse lame at best. 

“What does it matter?  You’re out with Nick anyway.  What difference does it make who I’m with?” Brian added.

“Oh, no,” Justin shook his head.  “You are not putting this on me.  And this is totally different.  Nick and I are friends.”

Brian snorted.

“We are just friends.  How many fucking times do I have to tell you that?”

“You don’t!” Brian replied, his expression remaining blank.

“Fine!” Justin shouted, in exasperation. 

“Fine,” the brunet’s voice was calm and collected.

Justin turned to leave again, but was stopped by Brian’s hand on his arm.  Turning back around, the blue eyes settled on the hazel ones.

“This guy,” Brian started, his voice losing the harshness, “He doesn’t mean anything,” he said quietly.  “None of them mean anything.”

Slipping his hand out of Brian’s grasp, Justin took a step back.  “And what about me, Brian?  Do I mean anything?”

It felt as if his heart slowed down, as if it stopped completely as he held his breath, waiting for Brian’s response.  When after what seemed like forever the brunet still hadn’t uttered a word, Justin took a deep breath and another step back.  “Well, I guess that’s an answer.”

Turning around, he walked toward Nick’s parked car, not once turning around.  Brian didn’t try to stop him again.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Two days later Brian still couldn’t stop thinking about it – couldn’t forget the pain and desperation in Taylor’s voice, couldn’t ignore his own urge to stop his lover from walking away from him. 

He heard a light knocking on the door, which Brian chose to ignore.  He hoped whomever it was that decided to grace him with his or her presence would get the hint and disappear.  Of course, that would have been too much to ask for.  The door opened, revealing Lindsay on the other side of it.

“Mind if I come in?” she asked, already walking through the door.

“You know, I think this is the first time you asked me that,” Brian scoffed. 

The young woman smiled as she closed the door.  “I guess I finally learned my manners,” she joked while walking over and flopping next to him on the bed.

Brian snorted.  “Warm beer?” he offered, pointing to two bottles standing under the desk.

“Isn’t it a little early for that?”

It was a little after seven, but since it was getting darker much earlier these days, it felt a lot later.  He shrugged and reached for his own beer on the floor next to the bed.

“What are you doing here?” Brian asked, turning his attention to his friend.  “I’m sure you didn’t come here to chastise me about my drinking habits.”

Lindsay frowned. “I heard about what happened.”

Brian cocked his eyebrow.  “What happened?”

“Between you and Taylor.”

He realized that there was no point in pretending he didn’t know what she was talking about.  “Jesus, I guess it’s true what they say about the gay grapevine.”  He took another sip of his beer, realizing that for this conversation he would need something much stronger.

“I ran into Nick.”

“Ahh.”  He snickered.  “I’m sure he put a subjective spin on things.”  He could almost imagine the sucker using the current falling out with Taylor to his own advantage. 

“He said Taylor was really upset.”

Brian breathed in sharply, his fingers gripped tightly around the neck of the bottle in his hand. 

“And I can see you’re not doing any better.”

“I’m fine,” Brian quickly replied.  .

“Yeah, I can see that,” Lindsay responded sarcastically.  “Sitting alone in your room on a Thursday night, drinking warm beer, and moping.”

Brian grimaced.  “I’m not fucking moping.”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing,” she shot back.  “I’ve done it enough times to know all the signs.”

The brunet inhaled again, holding his breath in for just a little while longer.  “Did you come here to fucking rag on me?” he snapped.

“I’m worried about you.”

“Well, stop,” he replied, raising his voice. 

“I’m your friend, Brian.  That’s what friends do.  They worry about each other,” the woman insisted.

Brian squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath in.  Dealing with an overbearing friend was never on his priority list, but especially not tonight, not now.  Right now all he wanted was to finish his beer.  And then another.  And maybe another.  And go to sleep and forget about…everything.

But he knew Lindsay well enough to know that the woman was not just going to let this go. 

“Talk to me,” she pleaded.

“There’s nothing to say.  He wants something I can’t give him.  It’s that simple,” Brian said, his eyes fixed on the opposite wall.  Yes.  Simple.  Something his life was once upon a time. 

“If it’s that simple, why are you so upset?”

Cursing silently, Brian shifted his gaze to his right, fixing his eyes on his friend’s face.  He knew she was right.  And she knew he knew it.  Sighing loudly, Brian relented.  “It’s too complicated.”

“Why?  Because he actually gives a shit about you?  And not just about getting his dick sucked?”

Brian snickered, not used to hearing those types of words spew from the WASPy mouth of his friend. 

“Or is it because you actually give a shit about him?”

Brian froze, his breath catching in his throat.  That was it in a nutshell.  No matter what he tried to do, how much he tried to convince himself that Taylor was just another fuck; deep down he knew that wasn’t true.  Deep down he knew that the blond twink meant something to him.  He didn’t know what.  And he didn’t think too much about it to try and figure it out. 

“It’s ok to care about someone, Brian.”

Pulling his lips in between his teeth, Brian stared down at the bottle of disgustingly warm beer in his hands, playing with the label on the front of the bottle. 

“Brian?”

He remained quiet, not sure what to say.  There was so much, but it felt as if he just couldn’t get the words out.  Everything he felt, everything he thought about the young artist.  He could actually see himself through the blue eyes of the blond and it mesmerized him and at the same time scared him shitless.  “He believes in me.”

“What?”

Brian looked up, realizing that he said it out loud.  “Taylor.  He believes in me.  Nobody’s ever believed in me before.”  He saw that she was about to object, give him the whole ‘I believe in you’ speech.  So, he quickly added, “I mean, really believes in me.  Like, he knows that I will actually be something.  Someone.  Someone…good.  Every time he looks at me, he sees that…that person.  And I just…” He sighed again.

“Oh, my God,” he heard Lindsay gasp.  “You’re in love with him.”

“No, I’m not.” he responded quickly.

“You are.”

Brian leaned forward, hiding his head in his hands.  His body tensed up when he felt her hand on his back.

“It’s ok.  It happens to the best of us.”  He detected a note of amusement in the woman’s voice. 

“I’ve never been…I…” he stuttered.  “I don’t know how to…be…with someone…like that,” he finally managed to utter, looking over his shoulder.

“You mean, in a relationship?”

Groaning inwardly at the label being put on this…thing, on his feeling, the teen nonetheless nodded.  “I don’t know if I can deal with somebody depending on me, expecting things from me.”

“That’s not what relationships are about, Brian.”

His response was an incredulous look.  No, of course not.  Relationships were also about hurting each other, lying to each other, making each other miserable. 

“It’s about wanting to be with someone you care about.  And yes, they expect things from you, but no more than you expect from them.  Like knowing that he’ll be there when you need him.  And yeah, it’s hard.  And sometimes you have to work hard to make it work. But it’s worth it.  It’s not as scary as you think.”

Brian studied Lindsay’s face carefully.  “Is that why you’re here with me instead of your girlfriend?”

Lindsay’s gaze dipped down toward the floor.  “We broke up.”

In spite of himself, Brian snorted.  “Tell me again about how great relationships are.”  He rose from the bed and walked over to the desk, placing his almost empty bottle of beer on top of it and staring out of the window. 

The woman’s frown only deepened.

Brian sighed and turned to her.  “What happened?”

She shrugged.  “It wasn’t worth it anymore,” she whispered.

Brian watched her for a while, lips pressed together.  Wondering how suddenly he ended up in a comforting friend zone all of a sudden, Brian reached under the desk and picked up another bottle of beer.  Walking back over to the bed, he sat down in his former spot and handed the bottle to her.  “Sorry.”

Lindsay managed a smile.  “I meant what I said, though,” she said.  “You guys have something we didn’t.”

“Yeah?  And what’s that?” he asked curiously.

“Love.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Justin was surprised to hear a knock on his door.  It was a little after nine and he was enjoying a nice, quiet evening alone in his dorm.  Or, at least, enjoying the absence of his asshole roommate.  Jim wasn’t the nicest person to live with before.  But ever since he caught Justin and Brian’s lip action, Justin’s roommate couldn’t even look at him.  He’d just grumble something, usually something mean before storming out of the room.  Which Justin was more than ok with.  The less time he had to spend around the fucker the better. 

The artist crossed the room and opened the door, coming face-to-face with Brian.  The two of them just stood like that – in the doorway, staring at each other, neither sure of what to say. 

Two days had passed since that night outside the club, since Justin posed the question.  And he gave up all hope of hearing an answer to it.  What he was trying to figure out was whether any of it was worth it anymore.  Whether he should just accept the fact that no matter what, Brian would never change, they would never change.

“Yes.”

Even though Brian’s voice was a little more than a whisper, Justin jumped startled.  He was about to ask what the brunet was talking about when realization dawned on him.  He knew his eyes were probably as wide as saucers, but he couldn’t help it.  He was ready to give up, to give in.  But now…Brian was here, standing in front of him, admitting to something he never expected to hear the man admit to. 

There wasn’t really the right response to that.  The right thing to say.  What do you say when you finally hear what you had been waiting to hear for over two years?  So instead, smiling wide at his lover, Justin drew Brian’s head down for a kiss.

Go to Part 10

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