Intrepid Traveler - Part 6

“What about making the letters bigger?” Justin offered.  He looked away from the sketch he was currently working on and up at Brian, squinting when the bright rays of the sun hit his face. 

Since the days of warm weather and bright, sunny afternoons were numbered, the two teens decided to study outside while enjoying the last days of summer. 

“It would make it too busy,” the brunette responded.

“Not necessarily.”  Justin’s gaze shifted back to the sketchbook.  “We make the second line smaller.”  He waved the pencil over the spot in the sketch he was referring to, looking up when Brian didn’t respond.

The other teen sat silently for a moment, thinking it over.  Finally he nodded.  “I like it.”

Justin smiled.  Picking up the eraser he began to make the changes, not even trying to hide the fact that he loved every minute of helping Brian. 

When he lived with Brian, the two rarely discussed Brian’s work, even when the ad exec brought it home.  Of course, by then Brian was already very successful, having accounts like Liberty Air and Brown’s Athletics under his belt.  What could a first year student of PIFA offer that an entire art department at Vanguard couldn’t? 

Finished with rubbing the parts that needed to be changed with the eraser, Justin picked up the pencil again, beginning to put the new look down on paper, focusing on each stroke, each line as if it were the most important campaign in Brian’s career.

He was so completely focused on the task that he didn’t notice his hand getting tired until the pencil began to shake between his fingers, his hand refusing to cooperate.  “Fuck!”   Justin dropped the pencil, stretching out his fingers, trying to get the tremors to subside.

“You ok?”

Justin cursed again, this time silently, as he met his lover’s gaze.  In almost a month since he’d been here this only happened a few times and never when Brian was around – a fact for which Justin was extremely grateful, since he did not want to rehash the bashing or anything else from his other life with Brian.  The only conversation they did have about it did not go all that well and Justin was not about to give it another shot.

“Yeah,” the artist lied, knowing immediately that Brian saw right through the lie and through him.  “It just…it gets tired from time to time.”

Brian gave him an inquisitive look.

“My arm,” Justin clarified.  “It’s no big deal.”

It was obvious that the other man was not convinced.  “Why?” Brian asked.

Justin looked away, focusing his attention on his right hand.  He massaged away the piercing needles out, all the while avoiding answering Brian’s question.

“Taylor?”

The blonde sighed.  He had to say something, he knew that much.  Brian was not going to just let this go.  “I was…” he hesitated.  “In an accident,” he finally spoke, raising his head once again.

Brian frowned, a growing concern showing on his face.

“But it’s ok now.  I’m ok,” Justin was quick to add.  “It just gets this way when I draw for too long, that’s all.  It’s ok.”

“You keep saying that,” Brian noted.

The artist sighed.  Brian’s concern was touching, but he did not want the other man thinking of him as some sort of invalid, feeling sorry for his gimp hand.  He’d dealt with it.  It was over and done with.  “Look, it was bad for a while.  I couldn’t even draw without a computer…”

“A computer?”

“Yeah.  This state-of-the-art computer I had back home,” Justin explained.  “But like I said, I’m fine now.  The spasms still come sometimes, but they pass quickly.  So, there’s nothing to worry about.”

He stared at Brian, praying that the other man would take his words at face value and let it go.

“Ok,” Brian said quietly, giving in.  “But we’re done for today.”  He pointed at the drawing.

Justin was about to object, but he knew the look that was currently directed at him all too well.  There was no arguing with Brian when he had that look on his face.  So, the artist relented, making a point of slowly closing the sketchbook.  “Happy?”

Brian didn’t reply.  But his body visibly relaxed when Justin stuffed the sketchbook into his backpack, taking out the history textbook instead.

Justin opened the book, flipping through he pages until he got to the assigned chapter and started reading.  But the words his eyes were scanning over did not register in his brain, instead becoming blurry black snakes on the white paper.  His mind instead traveling back to the evening he first laid eyes on his computer.  He hadn’t thought about it for the longest time.  About the fact that Brian not only saved his life, but also his sanity.  The truth was, every time he picked up the stylus, he felt the warmth envelope his heart.  Something he’d never admit to, especially to Ethan, who probably would have tossed the computer out of the window.  But in all honesty, Justin had felt like he had a piece of the loft, a piece of Brian in their dinky little place.  And no matter how much he had tried to convince himself that it didn’t’ mater, the truth was – it did.

“I was thinking of going to ‘Galaxy’ tonight.”

Justin looked up from the book, a little startled.  “What’s that?”

“This club,” Brian replied.  “Fifteen – twenty miles away from here.”

“A club?  Like a dance club?”  He couldn’t believe there’d be a gay club in the middle of PA.

“Well, it’s more like a bar. Four-by-four dance area.  Shiny disco ball.  And the corniest fucking music you’ve ever heard.”

“Sounds great,” Justin scoffed.

“Like you said, this isn’t Philly or even Pittsburgh.  You take what you can get.”

The blonde nodded.

“So, you wanna go?”

“Sure.”  What Justin really wanted was to stick his tongue inside the oh so inviting mouth of his lover, but it wasn’t the best idea he could come up with in the middle of the HUB lawn on a shiny afternoon when EVERYBODY was outside.  So, instead he settled for a simple smile.

“Hi, guys!”

The two of them looked up in time to see a blonde girl rush toward them.  She flopped down on the bench across the table from them with very little grace Justin had become so accustomed to when around Lindsay.

“Well, somebody looks well fucked,” Brian snickered.  “Did Hannah get a new dildo?”

“Brian!”  Lindsay tried to act offended, but the smile did not waver on her flushed face.  And Justin cringed, realizing that Brian was right about the reason behind Lindsay’s good mood.  And the visions of two lesbians having sex were not his version of an afternoon delight.

“You know, if you’re old enough to do it, you’re old enough to talk about it,” Brian teased.

“I’m not discussing my love life with you,” the woman countered.

“Thank God for that,” Brian scoffed.  “I still need my dick in working order.”

Justin smiled when Lindsay rolled her eyes at her friend. 

“So, what are you two doing?” she asked.

“Brian’s practicing his drama queen antics,” Justin replied, yelping when three fingers traveled down his side, pinching the skin through the light sweater he was wearing. 

“He has to practice those?” Lindsay asked, incredulously.  “I thought you were a natural queen,” she scoffed, turning her attention to Brian.

The dark-haired man, however, did not find being the object of their jokes amusing.  “Fuck you.”

“Hey, if you dish it out, you have to know how to take it too,” the young woman replied.

Brian’s witty response was sticking out his tongue.

It was a while before the two blondes calmed down, Brian’s discomfort at being laughed at spurring even more giggles. 

“Hannah and I are going to the new restaurant that opened down the street.  You guys wanna double date?” Lindsay asked when the two finally stopped laughing.

Justin didn’t dare to even look in Brian’s direction, knowing his lover’s reaction before the man even spoke.

Brian snorted.  “Sure, why not.  We’ll be there.”

The blonde’s eyes shot up in surprise.

“Right after I get my dick cut off,” Brian added and the young artist had to struggle to maintain the nonchalant expression on his face.

Pulling his lower lip in between his teeth, Justin turned away, hiding his disappointment from the other two teens at the table.

~~~***~~~***~~~

After saying good-bye to Brian and Lindsay, Justin headed back to his dorm.  He didn’t have any more classes left that day, so he was planning on enjoying the free time he had before it was time to meet Brian again.

He was already at the entrance into Atherton when his eyes settled on a familiar face outside, sitting under a tree.  It took him only a second to come to a decision.  Instead of heading inside, Justin moved toward the lone figure.

He wasn’t sure how he managed to avoid Nick for weeks, considering they shared a class together.  He wasn’t trying to avoid the other man, although the thought did occur to him.  But he felt bad enough about how he handled things without adding being a jerk to it as well.  Besides, he liked the guy.  In the short time that he had spent with him, he found out that the two of them had a lot of the same interests and Nick was extremely funny.

“Hi,” he said as he walked up to the man.

Nick looked up, obviously surprised to see Justin standing before him.  The surprise, however, didn’t last long, shifting into something less pleasant in seconds.  “Hi,” he said, reluctantly.

Justin exhaled sharply, the teen’s reaction making him feel even guiltier about what happened.  “I wanted to apologize for how I…”

“Used me?”

Justin winced, not sure about what hurt more – the harshness in the man’s voice or the fact that it was the truth.  But he deserved it.  He knew that much.  “Yeah,” he admitted honestly.

Nick’s eyes bore into his, studying Justin’s face for the longest time.  Finally, his mouth curved at the sides.  “Thanks.”

Justin’s eyebrow arched in surprise.

“Most guys wouldn’t even acknowledge they knew me, let alone go out of their way to apologize,” Nick explained, a full fledged smile now playing on his lips.

“Well, it’s not…I just…”  Justin wasn’t sure what to say.

“So, are you and he together?”

“It’s…” the blonde chuckled.  “It’s complicated.”  That was really the only word to truthfully describe his and Brian’s relationship.

“He’s hot.”

The artist laughed.  “That he is.”

The smile on the other man’s face made Justin feel at ease and, dropping his backpack on the ground, Justin flopped down next to Nick.

~~~***~~~***~~~

In nineteen years of his life Brian never felt jealousy.  He learned at a very young age that wishing for something somebody else had was pointless.  His parents weren’t Mr. and Mrs. Ferrell who lived down the street from them.  No.  He had Joannie and Jack: the two people who should have never been allowed to procreate in the first place.  The sad thing was that they were both aware of that fact and they still ‘created life’. 

And Brian was the one to pay for their mistakes.  For as long as he could remember, his only goal was to get the hell out of that house.  And he was not going to achieve it by sitting around and wishing or being jealous of someone else. 

So, he didn’t know what to make of the twinge he once again felt in his stomach as he watched Taylor with the same guy from the party weeks earlier.  They weren’t doing anything.  Just talking.  And laughing.  Yet, Brian couldn’t help feeling like everything was spinning out of control.

And he definitely did not like that.  Didn’t like someone making him feel that way.  Having that kind of power over him.  Someone who just seemed to imbed himself into Brian’s life – from his classes to his friends.  Only yesterday he walked in on Lindsay and Taylor gushing over some new art book Lindsay bought, giggling over it like two sorority twins. 

Taylor seemed to be everywhere he turned and Brian began to feel suffocated, trapped.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Later that evening, sitting in the passenger seat of the death mobile, as Justin lovingly nicknamed Brian’s car, the blonde noticed the extreme shift in the brunette’s mood.  He tried asking a couple of times what was wrong, but received only vague mumbles in return.  Starting a conversation had a similar result.  And Justin had a sneaking suspicion that coming out tonight with Brian wasn’t such a good idea.

Thankfully, the drive to the club wasn’t too long and soon enough Justin found himself getting out of the car and following Brian inside what appeared to be some sort of a farm house.

The place was bigger than he imagined from everything Brian had told him about it.  Although it wasn’t Babylon, it did have a lighting system and a stereo system that wasn’t half bad playing Dee-Lite.

“I haven’t heard this song in years,” Justin exclaimed excitedly as he watched the men on the dance floor move to the “Groove is in the Heart”.

A moment later, though, he became the object of a confused look of the brunette next to him.  “What the fuck are you talking about?  That song just came out.”

Justin swallowed, his mouth turning dry as he searched for a way out of this one.  “I…uh…I guess I confused it with another one.”

Brian eyed him wearily before turning his attention back to the crowd on the dance floor.

Usually Justin was very good at reading Brian’s moods.  Knowing when to back off and leave the exec alone, when to crawl on the man’s lap and not leave his side.  But now he was lost. 

For the lack of alternative, Justin moved closer to his lover.  “You wanna dance?”

Slowly, Brian turned his head, his eyes settling on Justin’s face, his expression unreadable.  “No, thanks.”

Only when the taller man began to move away from him did Justin notice what, or rather who Brian’s gaze was locked on - the tall, dark-haired man across the room.

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of him.  Justin felt completely blindsided as he watched Brian move through the crowd with the grace of a tiger on the prowl.  He’d witnessed that scene so many times, he’d lost count.  There was even a time when watching Brian in action made his dick stand up and salute, but not now.  Not anymore.  Now all he felt was the jabbing pain in his chest.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Justin followed Brian through the horde of sweaty bodies.  Grabbing the smooth material of Brian’s shirt, Justin spun Brian around, forcing the man to look at him.

“What the fuck?” Brian growled, pulling his arm out of Justin’s grip.

“What am I doing here, Brian?”  Justin hated the sound of desperation in his voice, but he was tired of always living in the unknown when it came to Brian and their relationship.  He had to know where he stood.

“Ruining my social life, apparently,” Brian hissed, both of them noticing the man across the room already occupied with somebody else.

“No.  Why did you ask me to come here with you?”

Brian exhaled sharply.  “Look.  Just because we came in the same car, doesn’t mean we’re together,” Brian scowled.  “I don’t do together.  If you can’t deal with it, that’s your problem.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard those words spewing from Brian’s mouth, but for some reason this time it felt different.  Justin dropped his hand, backing away as if Brian had slapped him.

Feeling as if the walls were moving in on him, the whole world swirling around him, the lump in his throat constricting the air flow, Justin hurried toward the exit.

As soon as he was outside, he gulped in as much air as he could, but his lungs seemed to have a ton of bricks pressing on them, preventing them from expanding and letting the much needed oxygen into his body. 

“Justin, you ok?”

Justin’s head shot up at the sound of the voice behind him.  Turning around, he glared at the short man standing before him, all the hurt and pain and anger finally finding an outlet.

“What do you want?”

“I…” Nathan stepped closer.  “You looked like you were about to pass out.”

Justin sneered angrily.  “As if you’d give a fuck.  It’s like watching some goddamn TV show for you or something.  The more angst, the better.  You oooh and ahhhh.  And cry.  And get all involved with the storyline.  But you don’t really feel anything.  For fuck’s sake, you don’t even know HOW to feel.”

“Justin…”

“But this ISN’T a show, Nathan.  It’s real!” Justin shouted.  “What I feel…it’s real.”  His voice cracked as the bottom lip quivered, his voice lowering down to a whisper.  “And it fucking hurts.” 

“Justin,” Nathan took another step forward.

However, pity from the timekeeper wasn’t what the young artist wanted at the moment, so he backed away, holding up his hand to prevent the angel from coming any closer.  “Don’t.”  He shook his head, losing the battle against the tears that stung his eyes.  “Just go.”

“What?” Nathan stared at him dumbfounded.

“Go.  Get out of here.  Leave me the fuck alone.”  Justin swiped against his cheek with the back of his hand.  “You gotta stop watching, Nathan.  And get a fucking life of your own.  So, go away.”

“Is that what you really want?” Nathan’s voice was quiet, but strong.

Justin raised his eyes to meet the two brown ones staring back at him.  “Go away.”

Nathan didn’t move.

“GO!” Justin shouted.

The timekeeper sighed and without another word disappeared into the air right in front of Justin’s eyes.

Go to Part 7

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