Intrepid Traveler - Part 4
It was almost ten in the morning and Justin found himself strutting down the hall toward his first class at PSU. This was his second day in the 1990, but it felt like he’d been here a lot longer. It seemed like days since he brought the nearly passed out Brian back to the dorm. But in reality, it’d only been hours since he left the other teen sleeping in his bed.
“Taylor?”
Justin looked up when he heard a familiar voice, meeting a pair of brown eyes.
“Lindsay,” the young woman said, smiling at him.
“Yeah, I remember,” he smiled back.
“Are you in this class?”
Justin’s eyes shifted over to the doorway leading into the classroom, realizing that he was just standing in front of it for…he wasn’t sure for how long exactly. “Yeah.”
“Great. So are we.”
“We?” Justin asked, following her inside the room, his eyes immediately settling on Brian. The brunette was slouched in a seat in the very last row, looking bored and disinterested in anything or anyone.
“Hey, Bri, guess who I ran into?” Lindsay chirped as she waved for Justin, who seemed to be frozen in place, to follow her.
Justin’s breath caught in his throat as the brunette’s eyes followed Lindsay’s hand, locking on his. The blonde bit his lip as he waited to see any emotion on the other man’s face. Instead, he was greeted with an all too familiar ‘I don’t give a fuck’ stare that made his stomach sink.
He wanted nothing more than turn around and run out of the room as fast and as far away as he possibly could. But instead, his legs moved forward, reducing the distance between him and the brooding form of his lover and his way-too-excited-for-a-Monday-morning friend.
“Hi, Brian,” Justin managed to get out.
“Hey,” the brunette shot back without even looking at him.
“Here, sit,” Lindsay volunteered to put Brian’s bag that was occupying a seat next to him down on the floor and practically shoved Justin into the chair, earning her not only a scowl from Brian, which did not escape Justin, but also a glare from the blonde.
Not that long ago he wouldn’t settle for anything else but sitting next to Brian, or better yet, sitting on Brian, or under Brian…any position that had the two of them touching would have worked. But now…especially here…sitting next to Brian…being in close proximity to the other teen was excruciating. Justin imagined that water torture felt a lot like it.
With Lindsay occupying the seat next to him and Brian avoiding even looking in his direction, Justin’s only course of action was to sigh loudly and pretend that his heart wasn’t about to burst out of his chest like in some sci-fi movie.
And if being extremely nervous and anxious wasn’t enough, Justin found out that his dick had a mind of his own as well…no matter what decade he was in…or how old his lover…or ex-lover…was. Trying to be as inconspicuous as he possibly could with Brian and Lindsay seating on both sides of him, Justin took out his sketchbook, placing it in his lap. Taking a deep breath in, the blonde willed his dick to cooperate and not embarrass him. When that didn’t work, he tried Brian’s trick…imagining two dykes go at it. When that didn’t work…
“So, Brian says you’re an artist.”
Thankful for the distraction, Justin looked over to his right; noticing the glare the brunette shot Lindsay.
“Yeah,” he replied, briefly glancing over at the other man who squirmed in his seat. “Transferred from PIFA.” He looked back at Lindsay.
“You must be really good. I would love to see some of your works, if you don’t mind.”
Justin smiled. After Brian and his mother, Lindsay was the most supportive of his art. And she was a great help. On more than one occasion he had gone to her for help or opinion while working on a project for school or a show.
“Sure,” he replied.
Just then their teacher finally arrived and started introducing himself and what the class was about. And Justin’s mind and other parts of his anatomy once again focused on the fact that Brian was sitting mere inches away from him. There was only one way to lose that train of thought. Opening his sketchbook and taking out a pencil, the artist began to sketch, losing himself in his own little world.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he felt Lindsay elbowing him. Justin looked up, staring at her quizzically. The woman motioned to the front of the room.
“Taylor Weiss?” the teacher said, obviously not for the first time.
Justin realized that the professor was probably taking attendance. “Here,” he replied, relieved when the gray-haired man in front of the room moved on with calling out the names. Glancing to his left, Justin saw two hazel eyes locked on his face.
He couldn’t remember being as happy as he was when their teacher finally dismissed the class. His relief lasted only seconds, though, because his neighbor dashed out of the classroom as if something was chasing him, without a word or even a glance.
Justin sighed, not able to hide his disappointment from the inquisitive glance of the blonde-haired woman.
“You like him, don’t you?” Lindsay asked, as the two of them walked out of the classroom.
Justin stopped, turning to look at her. “Who?”
Lindsay smiled. They both knew who she was talking about. Nonetheless, she went ahead and pretended that wasn’t the case. “Brian.”
Justin looked away.
“It’s ok. A lot of people do. It’s just that…”
“Just that what?” His gaze shifted back to her.
“Brian’s not the boy-next-door type. In fact, he’s the total opposite of that.”
“Yeah, so?” That wasn’t any news to him.
“So…he’ll hurt you. If you get involved, or try to get involved with him…he’ll hurt you. Because Brian doesn’t get involved…with anybody.”
Justin exhaled sharply. This wasn’t something he hadn’t heard before. In fact, he’d been hearing that since the first…well…second…day he met Brian. Brian doesn’t do boyfriends. Brian doesn’t do relationships. Brian doesn’t do anybody twice. Brian doesn’t do jealousy. Brian doesn’t do…LOVE.
Sometimes he wished that he had listened to Michael, and Debbie, and Lindsay…and everybody else who warned him to just walk away from the man they all…loved, hated, admired, envied. But even though there was always some truth to what Brian’s friends were saying, they didn’t know him. Or at least, didn’t know him as well as they thought they did.
“Look, Lindsay, I appreciate your concern,” he said, staring straight at her. “But, I think I can handle it.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”
“Thanks, but that’s my problem. Whatever happens or will happen or happened…between me and Brian…well…that’s between me and Brian.”
“Taylor…”
“Just because you think you know him, doesn’t mean you do. Even closest of friends don’t always know everything about each other. You can’t know the other person completely until you’re with them every single day, sharing their lives. And even then you can’t really know them.” Justin wished somebody had told him that before, but he doubted he would have listened. After all, he didn’t listen to anything else they said.
Lindsay nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Immediately he regretted being so harsh to her. Besides Brian, she was the only one he knew here and she was the only one who was actually nice to him. “No, I’m sorry. I just…it’s sort of a sore subject with me, I guess.”
She managed a sympathetic smile. “Bad breakup?”
“Something like that.”
“Well…” she took a deep breath. “I would still love to see your work.”
Justin smiled, grateful for the change of subject. “Yeah. Right. How about I bring it to next class?”
“Great.”
Saying good-bye to Lindsay, Justin began walking toward his next class.
~~~***~~~***~~~
There was nothing better than a Chemistry class for forgetting about blonde twinks, Brian learned. For an hour and a half he pushed all other thoughts away, focusing on the lecture. The problem was that as soon as the class was over all those thoughts, those…feelings came back with the vengeance.
He was ready to strangle Lindsay for letting Taylor sit next to him. It wasn’t enough that out of all the different history classes offered at the university, the one person he had been trying to avoid had to walk into his. But Lindsay had to also make sure that no matter how…hard…he tried, he would not be able to focus on anything but the blonde sitting next to him…the scent of Taylor’s shampoo, the smoothness of his pale skin that seemed to be calling out to him…to touch it…something that he had wanted to do since their first handshake.
He wasn’t sure what would have happened if Lindsay hadn’t walked in when she did the night before. Standing so close to Taylor, their hands almost touching…he was ready to fuck the teen right there on the shaky, old desk.
A huge part of him was grateful for the distraction. Because fucking Taylor would have been a mistake. He knew it then. And a day later he still believed it. They hadn’t even so much as kissed and he already couldn’t stop thinking about the young artist. Sex, or involvement with the other man of any kind, would severely complicate things and his life.
And complicated things – relationships – they were for straight people and dykes; for those who believed in society’s rules – believed that if you weren’t married or in a relationship, there was something wrong with you. But even if you were miserable and had an abusive drunk for a husband, you were normal. Seeing first hand the ramifications of being “normal”, Brian wanted nothing to do with it. And as the first year of college passed him by, his belief that relationships were a ridiculous institution only strengthened.
Unfortunately for him, most people he met didn’t share that belief, trying to force him into one of those little boxes with pretty neat labels he was so desperate to avoid. Lindsay, for one. Even though he made the decision to give it a try, he knew right away that their “relationship” wouldn’t work. At least, not on Lindsay’s terms. She wanted a big fucking fairytale. Even though by then she already knew who he was. And she was still disappointed when Brian got tired of playing the happy hetero couple. It took them a while to get back to the point where he could actually talk to her without seeing the look of disappointment and hurt on her face.
And now…there was Taylor. He barely knew the guy, having only met him the day before. But right away Brian knew that he was trouble. The way he looked at him…his gaze passing all the locks and bolts…for over twenty-four hours Brian couldn’t get the man out of his head. Even fucking some random guy didn’t do the trick. All fucked out and high, he still wanted to see those crystal blue eyes.
Deciding that sitting in his room alone with his thoughts wouldn’t be the best idea, Brian decided to take a walk down the path behind Nittany Lion Inn. As he was passing by one of the little cul-de-sacs, he spotted a blonde head that seemed to be haunting him. His brain was screaming at him to just keep on walking, but his legs refused to cooperate. Instead, Brian stood frozen in place, watching Taylor concentrate on a sketch that he was working on.
And even though he knew that this would be a mistake, Brian found himself walking toward the small bench.
He wasn’t sure what he was doing here. He had on occasion come to this place for some alone-time. The spot was pretty secluded, providing the sometimes needed privacy. But now alone time wasn’t what Brian was looking for.
“Hey.” Brian dropped his bag next to the bench before sitting down.
Justin’s head shot up and Brian could see the surprise in the blue eyes that settled on his. Of course, after the way Brian behaved earlier, he couldn’t blame the blonde for being a little on the cautious side while being around him.
“Hey,” Taylor finally replied, his intense gaze telling Brian what he was suspecting. Taylor was expecting an explanation for being interrupted.
“Can I see it?” Brian pointed at the sketchbook in the teen’s lap.
Taylor looked down, hesitating for a moment. “It’s not finished yet,” he said, meeting Brian’s gaze again.
Before Brian could say anything else, he found himself staring at a drawing of what looked like a tree, in a weird way. Brian’s eyes drifted around the secluded area, settling on a tree a few feet away from them. Briefly glancing at it, it looked like just another tree. But if you looked a little more carefully, you noticed the different shades and forms created by the light coming from the sun right behind it. And Taylor captured it all in an absolutely breathtaking way – the shapes, the depth, the lighting – turning the tree into a character, a living and breathing thing. Only an artist could take a simple object like a tree and turn it into something out of fairytales on paper.
Brian shifted his gaze back to the pale face of the other man. “It’s not bad,” he concluded, and was astounded once again by how bright Taylor’s smile was.
After a few seconds, the blonde looked away and Brian could have sworn the temperature dropped a few degrees when couldn’t see the beautiful smile anymore.
“So, uhm…what did you think about Gallagher?” He still couldn’t believe what sitting mere inches away from the other man did to him. He was nervous, his palms sweating. But also so completely comfortable. He couldn’t remember when was the last time another man made him feel like that…when was the last time that a man made him feel anything except horny…which he also was at the moment. Painfully horny. But there was just so much more, which he couldn’t explain. Or wanted to.
“He’s ok. A little on the boring side,” Taylor replied.
“Yeah, well, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a professor that isn’t snooze worthy.”
Taylor’s mouth curved at the corners, which seemed to go straight to Brian’s dick, now painfully pressing against the confines of his jeans.
“So,” he began, “I have this advertising class.”
“Yeah?”
Brian nodded. “And the professor’s a total mental case. We already got a shitload of homework.”
The only acknowledgement from Taylor was a slightly arched eyebrow and two sapphires locked on his eyes.
“There’s this art project that’s due in two weeks.” He paused, noticing an understanding register on Taylor’s face.
“So, you want my help.”
Brian looked away, focusing his eyes on the object of inspiration for the young artist. “I would have asked Lindsay,” his usual go-to person when he needed help with anything that required an ability to draw something other than a straight line with a ruler. “But she’s busy with her brand new dyke friend.”
“So, you want my help,” Taylor repeated, a barely visible smirk playing on his lips.
Brian took a deep breath in, finding it as hard as it always was for him to ask for help, which was why he rarely did, and only of those who he could trust. Which again, didn’t extend to a large number of people. Yet, here he was, asking this virtual stranger for help.
Exhaling sharply, he met Taylor’s gaze. “I would appreciate your help,” he quickly said before he chocked on the words.
Instead of a superior sneer he expected, he was once again greeted by the man’s grin, getting lost in the beauty and brightness of it. He wanted nothing more than to throw the blonde over his shoulder, take him back to his room, and take care of his practically burning cock.
“When do you wanna do it?”
“Huh?” he stared at the artist, wondering if the other man could read his mind.
“Work on your project,” Taylor clarified. “When do you want to do it?”
Sighing in relief that his fantasies were still…his, Brian shrugged. “I have a class later. How about eight?”
Taylor nodded. “Your room?”
Brian knew that wouldn’t be a good idea either…having the man that neither his head nor his…head…could forget…in his room. The temptations and the complications from acting on those temptations were too great. But, for some reason, when it came to this blue-eyed, blonde-haired twink, all logic and the rules that Brian tried to live by ever since he took his first step on campus, went out the window.
“Yeah. Sure,” he said.
“Ok. I’ll see you later, then.”
Brian’s mouth twitched at the corners. “Yeah. Later.”
~~~***~~~***~~~
Justin would have been lying if he said he wasn’t surprised when Brian asked him for help. Brian coming to him, especially after he barely acknowledged Justin’s presence earlier in class, wasn’t one of the scenarios Justin imagined.
But here he was. In Brian’s room. Working on a project together. Helping Brian. Because he asked him for help.
“So, the whole semester we’re gonna be working on one product. Creating a marketing campaign – packaging, different strategies, all that shit,” Brian explained. “And the first step is to design a label.”
Justin looked over at the box sitting on the desk. Brian’s campaign revolved around new cologne for men. “I’m surprised you didn’t just put a naked guy on the box,” he snickered.
Brian raised his eyebrow as he chuckled. “Now, there’s a thought.”
Justin stifled a laugh. Apparently Brian’s ‘sex sells everything’ theory hadn’t been born yet.
“Doubt McGill will approve, though.”
“Yeah, the whole ‘this is a college course’ thing might have something to do with that,” Justin added with a tint of sarcasm.
Brian gave him a pointed look before walking over and flopping down on the bed next to him.
Justin hated how much affect just having Brian this close had on him. What he hated even more was the fact that the other teen didn’t appear to be affected by him at all. There wasn’t even a tiny little glimpse that Brian cared either way.
Reminding himself that it wasn’t why he came here – back to the 90s – even though he wasn’t entirely sure why he did come here, Justin, nevertheless, focused his attention on the product they were supposed to be designing a package for.
Picking up his sketchbook and pencil, he began to put line after line down on paper, until those lines began to form a pattern. “Ok, we’ll want something catchy, flashy, but not tacky, so we’d use bold colors,” he said as he continued moving the pencil all over the white paper with what to anybody else would appear to be random movements. But he could already picture how the packaging would look like, what size of letters he’d use; even the company logo was already stored safely away in his brain, like a snapshot.
“Black or dark blue.”
The sound of Brian’s voice had the grounding effect Justin tried to avoid, returning him back to the reality of sitting so close to the other man, their thighs were touching.
Justin’s hand stopped moving as his eyes traced up the man’s torso, hidden under the black material of his shirt, and the long neck, coming across two hazel eyes staring back at him, finding the fact that Brian appeared to be much closer than when Justin began drawing more than a little unsettling.
“Yeah,” he was able to utter, trying to hide the fact that his dick was already as hard as a rock. “Uhm…some red…too.” He found it extremely difficult to speak, his mouth feeling dry all of a sudden.
“Yeah,” Brian murmured, his face moving ever so closer to Justin’s.
The artist swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump or what appeared to be his heart pounding away in his throat. But it didn’t do any good. He tried to speak, to say anything to break the spell he found himself under, but no sound came out. So, he just stilled himself for whatever was to come next.
Brian’s head dipped down, his lips covering Justin’s in a light, tender caress that gradually progressed into something bigger, the brunette’s tongue finding its way inside Justin’s mouth.
And Justin was lost…lost in the taste he knew so well and missed so damn much. He didn’t notice the pencil slipping out of his hand or the sketchbook falling down on the floor. Those things didn’t matter. It was about him and Brian now; being close to Brian.
Except….it wasn’t. Not really. Brian was so close, but at the same time so far away. Yes, it was Brian. But he had absolutely no idea who Justin was, or would be. And if he did, Brian would have probably run the other way. Just like he did…thirteen years into the future. Brian ran from him…emotionally…in every single way.
Justin felt something wet roll down his cheek as he broke their kiss.
“What?” Brian’s voice was so soft, almost a whisper, and it took everything in Justin’s power to pull away from him.
“Taylor?”
Justin sniffled, unable to tear his eyes away from the beautiful face of the man he loved but who would never love him.
“Did I bite you or something?”
Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, Justin shook his head.
“Then what?”
“I…” His voice cracked. Rising from the bed, Justin prayed for only one thing now – that his legs wouldn’t give out from under him. “I have to go.”
And then he ran. Ignoring Brian calling his name. Ignoring the students in the hall. He just ran, not stopping until he was outside the dorm. “Nathan! Nathan!” He shouted, not caring anymore if anybody else heard him. “Get your celestial ass over here NOW! NATHAN!”
“What?”
Turning around, Justin came face-to-face with the timekeeper. “I want you to take me back.”
“What?”
“Back. To 2003,” Justin said again. “Last night you said you could take me back.”
Nathan took a step closer, examining Justin’s face for a moment. “And I recall somebody choosing to stay.”
“Well, I changed my mind,” Justin shot back.
“Any particular reason?” The angel took out a cigarette and lit it, taking a puff.
“This is pointless. This whole thing. Brian is Brian. And nothing I do will ever change that. Him. I can’t change him.”
Nathan casually leaned against a tree trunk, smirking. “Well, see, blondie. There’s your problem. You’re not here to change him. You’re here to teach him. That was the deal.” He took one more drag.
Justin stomped over to the tree, angrily snatching the cigarette out of the angel’s mouth and throwing it down on the ground.
“Hey!” Nathan whined. “That was my last one.”
“Good,” Justin replied, harshly. “Now you can do your job
and take me back.”
Studying Justin’s face carefully, Nathan sighed loudly. “So, what changed? Between last night and now?”
The blonde looked away, unable to voice his feelings. There was no point. Nathan wouldn’t understand. No one would understand.
“So, what? One little bump in the road and you give up?”
“It’s not like that,” Justin snapped.
“Taylor?”
Spinning around, Justin saw Brian quickly making his way toward them. “Brian? What are you…”
“Are you ok?” Brian’s voice was filled with concern.
“Yeah, I…” Justin began.
“Look at him, Justin,” Nathan said, standing behind him now.
The blonde shot a nervous glance over his shoulder, but the timekeeper continued. “Look at him.”
Justin’s eyes shifted over to Brian’s long, slim form.
“He came after you.”
“I…you forgot this,” Brian held Justin’s backpack in his hand.
“He came after you,” Nathan’s voice echoed in his ears. “Even though he doesn’t know you. Even though he’s terrified of what it means. He’s still here.”
Justin’s lower lip quivered, the tears burning his eyes, as he tried focusing on what Brian was saying.
“Look, I’m…sorry if I…assumed something that I…”
“Look at him, Justin,” Nathan repeated. “He’s the man you fell in love with. The only man you’ve ever loved.”
“I didn’t…mean,” Brian’s voice broke through the storm going on in Justin’s head.
“He’s standing here because he wants you. Needs you. LOVES you. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Justin whimpered as the tears rolled down his face, his eyes still locked on Brian’s.
“Are you ready to let him go?” Nathan’s voice was like a gust of wind, nearly knocking the breath out of him.
“Would you…”
Before Brian could finish his sentence, Justin crossed the distance between them, covering the man’s mouth with his own.
If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized
I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way
I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides
We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized
Stigmatized by The Calling
Go to Part 5