Intrepid Traveler - Part 21

“What kind of name is Gus?”

Justin chuckled, his eyes following Brian as the brunet paced the room.

“I think it suits him,” Justin replied.  “Actually, you let me name him.”

Brian stopped and looked at him. 

“The night we met.  I couldn’t believe it,” Justin smiled as he always did when remembering their first night together.  “Although, now I know that you did it mostly to piss Melanie off, but still…”

“Melanie?”

“Yeah.  She’s Lindsay’s wife,” Justin explained.

“Wife?” Brian looked at him with confusion written all over his face.  “You mean, they actually allow that in the future?”

“No,” Justin shook his head.  “Only in Vermont.  Lindsay and Mel had a commitment ceremony.”

“I don’t get it.  What’s the point?  Marriage alone is a fucking stupid idea. Why do it if it’s not even legal?”

The artist shrugged.  “They love each other.”

He watched as Brian nodded and walked over to sit next to him.  “So, I have a son.”

Justin nodded his head, not at all surprised that Brian found this piece of information the hardest to deal with, except for, of course, the whole time traveling part. 

“Are you sure?” Brian asked, looking over at him.

The blond smiled again.  “I babysat him enough times.  He looks just like you.”

A tiny smile formed on Brian’s lips and the brunet looked away.  “A son.  Wow.”  He stood up once again and walked over to the window, staring out into the dark. 

“And I’m a partner at Ryder.”

Once again Justin confirmed it.  He couldn’t even imagine how hard it must have been for Brian to understand, to comprehend all this information that Justin had just dumped on him.  He knew he probably shouldn’t have told Brian, but he needed the other teen to know.  “Although, it’s called Vanguard now.”

Brian turned to look at him.  “And Mikey owns a comic book store?  Well, at least somebody’s dreams came true.”  He turned his back to Justin.

The artist knew what Brian was referring to.  “You always say that you want to get out of Pittsburgh, but I don’t think it’s true.”

Brian turned around to meet his eyes. 

“If you really hated Pittsburgh that much, you would have left a long time ago.  But you didn’t.  Because deep down you love it there.  You have friends and family.”

Brian snorted.

“I don’t mean your parents,” Justin clarified.  “I mean, us.  People who love and care about you.”  He cleared his throat.  “You have a great job, a great place to live, and you practically own Liberty.  It’s your playground.  And there, you’re the king.”

Brian smiled, crossing the room and sitting back down next to Justin.

“Thirteen years,” the brunet’s voice was quiet as he tried to comprehend all that he had just found out.  “I’m almost thirty-two there.”  He ran his fingers through his hair.  “Fuck, that’s old!” Brian exclaimed.

Justin laughed softly, having heard those words before.  “It’s not.”  He shook his head.  “You’re not old.  You’re beautiful.”  Hazel eyes locked onto the blue ones and for a moment they just sat like that – in silence, staring at each other.  Justin was the first to break the contact, his mouth spreading into a wide grin.  “And fucking sexy as hell.”

He was relieved to hear a soft laugh escape from Brian’s lips.

Brian cleared his throat and looked away, then back at Justin.  “And you and I…we’re…together?”

Justin’s smile quickly faded, replaced only by a deep frown.  He opened his mouth to reply, but could not find the right words.  He looked away, unable to meet Brian’s eyes.  “Were.”

He heard a soft ‘oh’ coming from his lover and made himself turn to Brian. 

“What happened?” was Brian’s question.

Justin inhaled sharply, unsure how to answer that.  All he could do right now was be honest.  There was no room for lies anymore.  “I left,” he answered, his gaze falling to his hands, clasped tightly in his lap. 

He heard Brian clear his throat again, followed by a “Why?”

“I…” Taking another deep breath in, Justin tried to continue.  “I…”

“Found somebody else?”

Justin squeezed his eyes shut at the hurt he heard in Brian’s voice.  The guilt he felt – he hated himself for doing what he did, for running around behind Brian’s back like that – pressed heavily on his chest.  Swallowing hard, he made himself look up.  “Yes,” he replied, his voice barely audible.

Brian laughed bitterly.  Getting up from the bed, he walked over to the window.  “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you true love,” he announced, turning away from Justin.

Justin knew he deserved everything Brian was ready to dish out to him, but he had to make sure Brian understood – not to excuse what he had done, but to at least make him understand.

“You have no idea what it was like, Brian,” he said, rising from the bed as well.  “You just shut me out completely.  The last couple of months – I felt like I didn’t know you.  And you sure as hell didn’t know me at all,” he said, moving toward Brian.  “We were like two strangers just living together.  And…” He sighed loudly.  “He said all the right words and did all the right things and I…”

“Fell for them like a silly little schoolgirl,” Brian said, his voice harsh and cold. 

“You don’t know what it was like.  You have no idea,” Justin shouted.  “You weren’t there…”

“You’re right!” Brian turned around.  “I wasn’t there.”

Justin took a step back, surprised by Brian’s outburst.  But his lover was right.  He couldn’t blame this Brian for anything that happened in the future.  He couldn’t blame the future Brian, either.  What had happened wasn’t anybody’s fault.  It’d just happened.

Justin sighed and settled back down on the edge of the bed.  “I was lost.  After everything that happened…I was just so fucking lost and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t…” He shook his head.  “And Ethan was…he was just the wrong guy at the right place at the right time.  It’s just easy.  With him.  Things are just easy.”

Brian stared at Justin intently.    “So, then, why are you here?”

Justin raised his eyes to meet Brian’s.  “Because…” He shrugged.  “Because I realized that easy wasn’t really what I wanted.  Because no matter how hard I tried to convince everybody, including myself, I wasn’t happy.”  He took another deep breath.  “I know how you felt when I told you the truth.  Fuck, when Nathan showed up in my bathroom, I felt the same way.  I thought he was crazy.  And then I thought I was crazy.  And maybe I am, was.  For thinking that I somehow could change things.”  He paused for a brief moment.  “But I had to try.  I had to take that chance.  Because I love you, Brian.” That was it.  The real truth.  The only thing that ever really mattered.  “I love you.”

Brian’s features softened, his eyes boring into Justin’s soul as he searched for proof that the blond was telling the truth.  He smiled softly at the artist, letting Justin know that he had found whatever it was that he was looking for.  He believed him.

“So, what now?” the brunet asked.

Justin shook his head.  “I don’t know.  Nathan says I have to go back.  That I don’t belong here.  But I can’t.  I don’t want to.  I belong here.  With you.  We’ll just have to figure out a way,” Justin said, even though he had no idea how he would manage that.  “I’ll talk to him.  I’ll try to make him understand.”

“No.”

“What?” Justin gazed at Brian in surprise and confusion.

The taller man locked gazes with Justin’s once again.  “He’s right,” Brian said quietly.

“No, no he’s not,” Justin shook his head stubbornly, his heart pounding away in his ears and his throat.  He couldn’t believe Brian was saying that.  Brian was telling him to go back.

The brunet walked over to the bed, kneeling in front of Justin.  “You came here for a reason,” he said, the fingers of his right hand running through the silky strands of blond hair.  “You have to go back for the same reason.”

“No,” Justin replied, his voice cracking.  He still refused to believe it.  This was it.  This was the end.  Brian was just giving up.

“You have to,” Brian said quietly, taking Justin’s face in his hands.  “You have to go back and make sure that this…your Brian…that he doesn’t fuck up any more than he has to.  You’re the only one who can do it.  Trust me on that,” he smiled sadly.  “You have to be persistent and not let him push you away, no matter how hard he tries.  Because…” Brian hesitated.  “Because…he needs you.”

Justin fought the stinging as his eyes filled with unshed tears.

Brian sniffled.  “Because…he loves you.”  His voice dropped down to a whisper.  “I love you.”

Justin felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest as he gazed into the sea of two hazel eyes boring into him.  “You never said that to me before,” he said, painfully aware of the quiver in his voice and a lone tear that escaped his eye and rolled freely down his cheek. 

Brian looked away, then back at Justin.  “I’m sorry.”

 A soft smile spread on Justin’s face.  “You always say sorry’s bullshit,” he tried to lighten the moment.

“Yeah?” Brian breathed out.  “Well, I think it’s obvious that a lot of things I say are bullshit.”

Justin bit his lower lip, his chin quivering.  “I don’t want to leave you.”  He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck.

“You’re not,” Brian responded, holding him closer.  “You better be in my life in thirteen years.”

Justin squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the flood of tears threatening to fall from his eyes.  “I promise,” he whispered.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever, but also felt like a fleeting second.  Justin bit back a whimper when he felt Brian start to pull away.  The brunet didn’t go far though, his lips covering Justin’s in a hungry, passionate, but also very soft and gentle kiss. 

They both knew what this meant – what it was.  This was a good-bye.  And they both clung to each other in desperation to prolong this feeling for as long as they could – their kisses, their touches – memorizing each other – what it felt like to be wrapped in each other’s arms.  Moving slowly, as if they had the rest of their lives together when in reality they only had but a few hours.  They tried to mold their bodies together to become one.

~~~***~~~***~~~

He didn’t dare look at the clock, knowing full well what he’d see there if he did.   Instead Justin kept running his fingers through the strands of his lover’s hair, watching Brian sleep, curled up in his arms.  Justin was grateful when he heard his lover’s breathing even out.  In a way it made it easier.  He wasn’t big on good-byes and he suspected neither was Brian.  This way this last night – their last time – wouldn’t be overshadowed by a weepy, painful good-bye scene.

Justin rolled his head on the pillow when he heard a noise in the corner of the room.  He knew before he saw him that the timekeeper was there, waiting for him.  Justin closed his eyes, determined not to cry in front of Nathan.  He had to be strong now, he knew that.  He had promised Brian that.  And that was one promise he wasn’t going to break, no matter what. 

Opening his eyes, Justin looked over to his right, his eyes falling on the soft features of Brian’s beautiful face.  Leaning over, Justin placed a soft kiss on top of the pink, slightly parted lips.  Brushing away a strand of hair that fell on Brian’s forehead, Justin slowly, careful not to wake his lover, rose from the bed.  He quickly pulled his pants and shirt on.

Justin turned to walk over to where the timekeeper was waiting for him, but something stopped him.  Something made him turn around and cast one last glance at the sleeping form of his lover. 

Justin heard footsteps behind him.

“Will he and I meet in the future?” Justin asked quietly when he felt Nathan stand next to him.  He knew he wouldn’t get an answer, but he had to ask – just this once.

Nathan was quiet for a moment.  He put his hand on Justin’s shoulder, gently patting it.  “Yes.”

Justin looked up in surprise, relief washing over him.  “Will he…” His gaze shifted back to the blanket covered form on the bed.  “Will he remember me?”

Nathan shook his head.  “He’ll remember the idea of you.  But he won’t recognize your face.”

Justin nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

Nathan held out his hand.  This was it.  Casting one last glance at the young man sleeping soundly on the bed, Justin put his hand in Nathan’s.

~~~***~~~***~~~

He was vaguely aware of the bed shifting next to him, but Justin tried to ignore it, burying his head deeper into the big pillow.  He did not want to wake up, choosing to stay in the dream world where he and Brian were happy together instead. 

But the other man had different ideas.  Justin felt a hand trail down his side, pass his belly button and stop over his cock, cupping and gently rubbing it.

“Don’t,” he said, trying to push the hand away.

The man did the opposite, instead slowly pulling on the semi-hard shaft.

“Ethan, stop,” Justin tried again, hoping his wishes would be respected and he would be left alone, free to stay in the happy land of dreams.

“Who the fuck’s Ethan?”

Justin froze, his eyes snapping open at the sound of the familiar voice.  The first thing he saw was a black nightstand and the glass closet doors.  He knew this – this place.  He was…in the loft.

Sitting up quickly, Justin came face to face with the ad exec.  “Brian?”

“You were expecting someone else?” the brunet asked, tongue in cheek.

“Uh…” Justin looked around the room.  He was definitely back in the loft.  Except… “What am I doing here?”

Brian smiled, but when he realized that the confusion on the blond’s face was not an act, his expression changed.  “You live here,” he answered, as if it was the stupidest thing Justin had ever asked.

“No, I moved out,” Justin responded, his gaze shifting around the room.

“Really?  Then how come your shit is lying all over the place?” Brian asked, sounding amused.

“I…” Justin paused when he noticed his computer sitting on top of the table in the living room, his sketchbooks spread out around it.  “I don’t know,” he brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the last remnants of sleep. 

He needed to figure out what had happened.   How he had ended up here – back in the loft with Brian.  And there was only one person who could clarify things. 

Justin swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.  “I need to go to the bathroom,” he told the other man before disappearing behind the door.

As soon as he was inside the bathroom, Justin closed the door and leaned against it.  It wasn’t hard to figure out that he had changed things.  That whatever he did in the past changed the future.  What remained to be understood was what exactly he had changed and how.  What happened that brought him to this point. 

Justin pushed off the door and walked over to the sink.  Opening it, he let the water run for a few minutes before dipping his hands under the cold stream and splashing the liquid on his face.

“Nathan,” he called in a quiet voice, hoping that Brian wouldn’t hear him.  “Nathan,” he tried a little louder.

“First it was Ethan,” Brian said, opening the door.  “Now it’s Nathan?  Do you have a thing for guys with ‘th’ in their names?”

“Oh, uhm…” Justin searched for the right thing to say, but the fact was – he was completely lost.  “No, I…”  He noticed a smirk on the other man’s face.

“I told you that last shot of tequila would fuck you up,” Brian said, opening the door wider and leaning against it. 

“Tequila, right,” Justin said, wondering if that was the reason for his pounding headache.

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember anything.”

Justin looked up.  He wouldn’t lie if he did say that.  But he remained silent, hoping Brian could clarify a few things for him.

“You and Mikey – celebrating your big success.”

Justin still stared at him, his face full of confusion.

“The third issue of Rage selling out,” Brian practically spelled it out for him.

Justin had to say something.  “Uhm…right,” he said, nearly wincing at how unconvincing he sounded.

Brian pursed his lips, watching Justin intently.  Finally, he pushed away from the door and walked over to Justin, taking the blond’s face in his hands, unaware that Justin’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest at the gesture that he had stored forever in his heart. 

“You ok?” Brian asked, his eyes boring into Justin’s.

“Yeah,” Justin replied, his voice breaking.  He cleared his throat.  “I just…” he reluctantly pulled away from the man.  “I just need a minute.”

Brian nodded.  “Hurry up then.  I’m starved.”  With that the ad exec stalked out of the bathroom, leaving Justin alone to ponder on what the hell was going on.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Sunshine!”

Justin winced at the loud shriek that pierced through his ears and went directly to the center of his brain, sending shockwaves throughout his body.  He cringed as Debbie enveloped him in her arms. 

“Michael told me the big news,” she announced as Justin and Brian made their way over to the booth occupied by Michael and Ben.  “Congratulations, honey.”

“Thank you,” Justin replied, covering his ears with his hands.

“Jesus, you look like shit,” the waitress made the observation.

“Thanks,” Justin replied, frowning when he heard the man seated next to him snicker.  Shooting a not-so-happy look at Brian, Justin turned his attention to Michael who was sitting across from him, finding the other man in even worse condition than he was.

“With a boyfriend like Brian, who could blame the kid for looking worn out?”

Justin’s breath caught in his throat at the sound of the familiar voice behind him.  Turning around so fast it made his head swim, Justin’s eyes fell on a pair of grey ones, widening in shock.  “Nick?”

“Well, at least he remembers everybody’s names,” the other man responded, smirking.  Emmett and Ted who sat in the same booth as Nick laughed as well.

“Even those who are not important,” Brian quipped, shooting daggers at the brunet.

“Well, what did you do?” Debbie inquired, glaring at Brian.

“Why do you always assume it’s my fault?”

“Because it usually is,” the woman replied.

“Well, it wasn’t this time,” Brian defended himself.  “Your baby boy here and Sunshine did it all on their own.”

“We just drank too much, Ma, no big deal,” Michael spoke up for the first time, a pained look on his face.

“See?” Brian looked up innocently at Debbie.

“Uh huh.”  She wasn’t done with him yet.  “And where were you while your boyfriend and best friend were drinking themselves into a stupor?  Getting your dick sucked, as usual?”

Both tables went quiet, all eyes fixed on Brian and Justin. 

The tension was too much for the artist to handle in his current condition.  “I need to go to the bathroom,” he threw over his shoulder to Brian as he slid out of the booth and headed toward the bathroom. 

Slamming the door shut, he walked over to the sink and opened it, splashing some more cold water on his face. 

“Have a headache?”

Justin’s head shot up, his eyes locking on the reflection of the man.  He turned around to look directly at Nathan.

“I called you before.”

“I know,” the timekeeper replied.  “I was busy.  Brad and Jennifer saw each other for the first time in weeks.  Was quite interesting.”  He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and brought one to his lips.  “So, how’s the new life treating you?”

“New life?”  Justin asked.  “You mean, I really did change it?”

“Well, what do you think?  I would just send you back in time for my own kicks?”

“But you never – you said…” Justin could believe this.  Frankly, he couldn’t believe any of this.  A part of him still thought that he was stuck in his dream.

“What?  You just wanted me to give you all the answers?” Nathan smirked.  “That would take all the fun out of it.”

“Fun?  This is fun?” Justin asked, incredulously.

Nathan sighed.  “Look, kid, I told you from the very beginning – you were there to teach Brian a few things, not to change him.  And you were also there to learn.  Learning is never easy.  Not when it comes to the important things.  But you survived, you made it.  You got what you wanted.  Congratulations.  You’re still with Brian.”

“Still?”

“Yeah, still,” Nathan replied.  “Ethan never happened.”

“But…” Something was still bothering him.  “Brian – he’s still the same.  I mean, he still fucks around and…”

Nathan shrugged.  “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

“What…”

Justin was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.  The door opened slightly to reveal his lover.

“You ok?” Brian asked, walking inside.

“Uhm…yeah,” Justin responded, his eyes shifting between his boyfriend and the timekeeper still smoking in the corner of the bathroom. 

Nathan smiled at him.  “He can’t see me, remember?”

Justin turned his attention to the ad exec.  “I just needed a minute.”

“I thought we agreed not to lie to each other,” Brian said, his face serious and somber.

“I’m not.  I just…”

“If something bothers you, tell me.  And since when do you give a shit what Debbie or anybody else says?”

“I…” Justin was at a loss for words. 

“You said it yourself, the only thing that matters is what we think, what we know,” Brian said, moving closer to Justin and taking his face in his hands.  “Was that bullshit too?”

“No,” Justin shook his head.  “I…I’m just not feeling too good.  That’s all.”

Brian stared at him intently for a brief moment.  He apparently was satisfied with whatever it was he found there in Justin’s eyes because he let the blond go and turned to leave.  At the last moment he turned around.

“I wasn’t gonna give you this ‘till we were back in the loft.”  He reached inside his jacket and pulled out an envelope. 

Justin eyed the small object in his lover’s hands for a few seconds before taking it from Brian and opening it, his eyes going wide at what he found inside.  Two plane tickets.  “New Orleans?”

Brian shrugged.  “You said you wanted to go.”

“But…” Once again Justin struggled to find the right words to express how he felt, and failed miserably.  “It’s only for the weekend, since you still got school and I have a big meeting, so don’t get too excited.”

“Brian,” was all Justin could say before he moved into awaiting arms of his lover, wrapping his own around the man’s neck and pulling him down for a kiss.  “Thank you.”

Brian smiled down at him.  “How about we go home and you thank me properly?”

Justin nodded in response.  “Just give me…”

“A minute.  Got it.”  Placing a small peck on Justin’s lips, the ad exec opened the door and left.

“Wow, now there’s a great man.”

Justin turned around, trying to hide the silly grin that would probably stay permanently plastered on his face from now on.  “You knew about this too, didn’t you?”

The timekeeper just shrugged his shoulders.  Of course, Justin wasn’t buying his innocent act.  He walked over to where the short man stood and put his arms around Nathan’s shoulders.  “Thanks.”

Nathan patted his back a few times.  “I told you, you two are the hottest show in town.”

Justin laughed as he pulled out of the embrace.  “I should…” he pointed at the door.

The angel nodded.

The young man crossed the room and opened the door, pausing for a moment.  He turned around and smiled.  “Enjoy the show.”  Winking at the timekeeper, Justin walked out of the bathroom and headed toward the man waiting for him in the booth – his boyfriend, his lover, his future.

The End.

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