One day there was this farmer. He had 3 daughters and they each had a date on Saturday night. The first date comes to the door. the farmer answers the door. The first date says, "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here to take your daughter Flow to eat some dough." The farmer says sure. Soon the second date comes to the door, "the date says hi, I'm Freddy, I'm here to take your daughter Betty to eat some spaghetti." The farmer goes sure. Then the last date comes to the door. "he say hi, my name is Chuc-k..."The farmer goes "Get the hell out of my house!!!

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decided it must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all. The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet told him they would be lying down rolling in the mud, but when he looked out the window not even one was lying down. So, he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again. To his dismay they were all standing the next morning. So, again he loads the pigs in his truck drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time. By the next morning the farmer is beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing. She says "hmmm - that's weird, they are all in the truck and one of them is blowing the horn".

There was a man who is lost in a forest during a storm. He came to a house and knocked on the door. A farmer came out and asked, "what the hell do you want?" The man asked, "Could I spend a night here?" "Sure, but you can't touch my daughter." So the man was sleeping that night, when the daughter came in. And that night, they did it. The next night, they did it, too. The next night, they did it, again. Until one night, the daughter said to the man, "I am tired of doing it in your room." So the man went to the daughter's room and did it. The next night, they did it The next night, they did it, too The next night, they did it again. They have done it in every single room in the house EXECPT the father's room. So one night they decided to go to the father's room and do it. When they went in, the father has fallen deep into sleep. The man asked, "what the hell is that hairy thing in his bed?" The daughter said, "it's his hairy ass" So the man and the daughter were doing it in his room for 2 weeks and they loved it. But unfortunatly, one day, the father came to the man and go, "we need to talk." "What, I didn't have sex with your daughter!" "I will tell you the truth, I don't care if you have sex with my daughter anymore, just don't use my hairy ass as a score board!"

Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder. Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street." At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE"

AN OLD FARMER WALKED INTO AN ATTORNEY'S OFFICE WANTING TO FILE A DIVORCE...
THE ATTORNEY ASK, "MAY I HELP YOU?"
THE FARMER SAID, "YES, I WANT TO GET ONE OF THOSE DAY-VORCES.."
ATTORNEY......"WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY GROUNDS?"
FARMER......"YES, I GOT ABOUT 140 ACRES."
ATTORNEY......"NO...YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU HAVE A CASE?"
FARMER......"NO, I DON'T HAVE A CASE, I HAVE A JOHN DEERE."
ATTORNEY......."NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND....I MEAN DO YOU HAVE A GRUDGE?"
FARMER......."YA, I GOT A GRUDGE....THAT'S WHERE I PARK MY JOHN DEERE."
ATTORNEY......"NO SIR, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE A SUIT.?"
FARMER......"YES SIR....I GOT A SUIT...I WEAR IT TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS'."
ATTORNEY....."WELL SIR, DOES YOUR WIFE BEAT YOU UP OR SOMETHING?"
FARMER....."NO SIR, WE BOTH GET UP AT 4:30 a.m."
ATTORNEY......"WELL, IS SHE A NAGGER OR SOMETHING?"
FARMER....."NO, SHE IS A LITTLE WHITE GIRL.....BUT OUR LAST CHILD WAS A NIGGER...AND THAT'S WHY I WANT THIS DAY-VORCE

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples." "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life. "It's pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning."

There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?" "Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?" "Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?" "Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer. Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."

Two cows were talking in the field one day. First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around? Second Cow: Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about," said the city slicker, "but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn't it save a lot of time?" "Time?" said the farmer. "What does time matter to a pig?"