| I will be putting weekly entries on here. They will be updated every Tuesday because that is my weigh in day. |
| 5.21.06 Sorry for the lack of updates..I have not been totally deidcaicated to WW....which stinks...I will update more this week...PROMIS PROMISE PROMISE!!! :) 2.7.06 I am such a slacker!! I have been so lazy, and haven't updated my site...but I was also lazy, and didn't stay on track since the holidays; I mean, I tried, but not my hardest, and wound up gaining 7 lbs...but I did something differently this year..you know what that was?.....I didn't give up....I might not have tracked everything...or really watched....but I didn't give up....i stuck with it KNOWING i was going to get back on...and I did...i lost 6 lbs this week! =) I'm so happy! It's like, I'm totally back in "diet mode" which is what I call it when I'm fully charged, motivated, and determined to succeed. Tonight at my meeting, my leader asked who sees themselves at their goal weight...some people raised their hands, however, I wasn't among them. It's strange, and as much as I want to be at goal, I can honestly say that I can't see it. I mean, I agree with my leader when she said she always said there was a thinner girl inside of her. I've always said that-I kind of feel like I'm a thin person at heart, but I'm trapped in a fat body. I really have a great personality, and the things I want to do, I feel uncomfortable about because I'm so sefl conscience about because of my weight. Do you know that I love talking in front of people, but I think that my weight holds me back; I mean, I do get nervous, and turn red, but I think that if I were thinner, it wouldn't be as bad. I am so happy that I got back on track, and now I am totally motivated! I'm really back in "diet mode". I feel like things are going well for me. I'm going to school, and the spring semester just started, and I am determined to do really well. My major is Social Work-I want to be an elementary school social worker, and although i'm accepted to my school, I have to apply into my major...strange, I know...and boy oh boy is it stressful. I hope I get accepted....it would make me sooooo happy! Well, time to watch American Idol....Simon is so damn funny...and I think he's sexy to...must be the power thing. OKay..before I wear your eyes out, and wear my hands out from typing..I'm gonna go chill out on my bed! MYSPACE ME- myspace.com/Jennifer423 FRIEND REQUEST ME..and if you comment about weight watchers- please refer to it as "WW"! THANKS!!! P.S....Erika (my leader)...you are amazing, and I love you! Meeting was great tonight!!! =) 1.4.06 Happy New Year!! I have been such a bum over this holiday season...I missed 2 weeks in WW, and I haven't updated my site...sheesh! I'm a nut! Anyway....I went back to WW last night..I bought that new promotional season pass for 17 weeks so I make sure I go..andI managed to gain only 2.6 over 3 weeks...the hardest 3 weeks ever...that included Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years! WOW! For me, 2.6 over those holidays is nothing, I can manage to gain 5 pounds in 1 week! I am happy though...this whole "lifestyle change" has become a part of me, b/c even when I wasn't counting, I still managed to watch what I was eating. I learned to think that I'm not on a diet, and this is a lifestyle change, and that rather than saying "I can't eat that, I'm on a diet" I say, "I'm choosing not to eat that because this is my new lifestyle". Telling myself that I am choosing not to eat something has helped me so much. For me, as well as many other people, if you're told you CAN'T have something, you want it more. If I say, I CAN'T eat something because of my diet, I want it 10 times more than before! So, keep that in mind if you're having trouble sticking. It's 2006...a brand new year..time for a brand new year. Start with a clean slate. Forget about the failures, if you had any in your journey, and focus on the successes. What made you successful? How did you feel? This could help you get back into the right frame of mind to really stick with it this time around! Take it one step at a time. Make small, realistic goals...it really helps. I have my final goal for 135 lbs..but I am taking it with 10 lb intervals, or 10 % intervals...it keeps me going because it's not discouraging to me. If i loose 10 lbs, I say" WOO HOO...now for another 10" not "10 down, 130 to go". You can do this! Think positive, keep your eye on your goal, and don't stop until you get there! 11.15.05 I'm down 25 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!! So, here's my WI story...I go on the scale..and I'm down .2...not what I wanted, but what I deserved, considering I didn't really work too hard this week....soooo, I went to the bathroom 2 times, then after the meeting got re-weighed. So I go on the scale...Terry says I'm down another .2...which makes me .2 away from 25...DAMN!! :( She said it was so close and I said that it couldn't get written down until it was officially down to that number....so, I took off my bracelet that I didnt have on last week...I dont think...well whatever..anyway..with it off...I got back on..and Terry said it was switching between 25 lbs and 24.8 lbs..so she marked it down! :) So, my mom made me go tell Erika...so I went in the meeting room...and just lifted up my 25 b magnet..and she was so happy! She clapped, gave me a turkey sticker, and hugged me! :) She knows how hard it is, and she knows how much I have been struggling, so I think she was really happy for me! :) Of course, I turned BEAT red...(my mom said it was the most red I have ever been...HOW EMBARASSING!) But you guys, I am so happy! WOW! WOW WOW WOW!! My mom kept saying in the car that she was so proud of me! :) I just cant' believe it! My little brother, who is 7 years old, knows that I count my points..and he knows about the 25 lb magnet...so every week that I see him, he's like, "Jen, did you get the magnet yet?" LoL..he's going to be so excited!! :) hahah OMG!!! Erika always says that if you lose 25 lbs..its like losing a turkey....haha..just in time for turkey day!! It's amazing what 25 lbs does! I am going to take pictures of myself now, and post them..I'm not sure when though..but I will. I'm so proud that I am FINALLY back on! I haven't been this weight in over a year, and I haven't lost this much weight in 5 years! This is wonderful!! I love the fact that I go shopping, and can wear sizes that I used to think were small! Not small..more like smaller...It's so fun! When I work (I work at Lane Bryant), I try clothes on basically everyday, and I come out and show my co-workers and they're all like WOW! My one co-worker keeps saying that I look so small, I look great, it's obvious that I lost weight..lol..it makes me feel great!!! I can't wait until I'm down even more! OMG! It's addicting losing weight! It's just a feeling of complete bliss...OMG!! I can't wait to watch the scale keep going down!!!!!!! LoL..ok..anyway...we were talking about Thanksgiving, and I'm the type that says, oh, it's a holiday, I'm pigging out and getting back on after...but I shouldn't think like that because Erika said something tonight and it just clicked...."the holidays, and the birthdays will ALWAYS be there!" It's so true! Weight loss isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change, which means learning to adapt to any enviornment..so I can't just pig out and get back on, I need to enjoy what I eat, but eat within healthy limitations. You have to learn how to handle all situations, so I am going to try my best to stick with it this Thanksgiving, and use the strategies that we spoke about tonight, to help me stay on track, and still show a loss the following week! WE CAN DO THIS!! 11.8.05 Bittersweet...that's the word I'm using to describe my WI tonight. Although I set my goal for this week to be at -2.4 lbs for a total of 25 lbs down; It didn't happen, but I still managed to lose 1.8 lbs, so I'm down 24.4 lbs!!!!!!! OMG!!! You guys, I am doing this! I am making my dream come true! Do you know how good it feels?! AHHHHHHHH!! LoL..sorry, but I feel great! It was funny tonight actually. I went and got weighed in by Erika, and I was only down 1.6...so was happy I was down, but sad that I didn't reach 25 yet....so I went in the meeting room, went to the bathroom, and conviced my mom to go to the bathroom too, and get re weighed. So, she did, then we waitied online. Erika was just about to go to start the meeting, and my mom and I moaned b/c we wanted her to re weigh us..so she's like okay..come here! lol so we went there, and my mom list .4 more, and I was down .2 more, so I reached 1.8 lbs down this week. The meeting was great tonight! I'm not giving the details because I don't want anyone taking Erika's idea, but it was great! It was about recipies and finding the points, and you think you know what you're doing, until you're "quizzed" on it, and you're wrong. So, this week coming up, I am determined to be down .6! I know I can do it! :) I hope I can do that, PLUS more! My goal is to be down 30 lbs by Thanksgiving, so that's about 2 weeks away, and I need to be down 5.6 lbs..I can definately do that! Anyway, so I know this boy, and I've known him since the day I was born (no joke), and I keep going in and out of theses phases of liking him, and not liking him. Well, I'm in the "i'm obsessed with you" phase (worse phase ever), and he has a girlfriend who lives in another state...so she was planning on coming up next week for turkey day...well he's coming to my house this weekend ( YAY! ) but it turns out that she isn't coming over now (WOO HOO), and now I feel better! I actually think they broke up! So, him and I have a weird relationship...we're not dating, but we, or at least, I feel like we're more than friends, and I think we're going to get married, and he talks about marrying me alot, so it's strange. Well, I've never felt like this about him before, and I'm so happy that he's coming over my hosue this weekend....so I'm nervous, but excited b/c I'm down almost 25 lbs, and feel great! :) I think I even have the confidence to talk to him about "us"! lol..ok lots of luck to you on your journey! You can do it! :) 10.25.05 Okay, so I'm skipping my WI this week....my mom knocked on my door last night, and was like, " I don't think I'm going to WI tomorrow becuase I know I'm up, and I'd rather see a big loss next week, rather than a gain this week", so I just agreed. I know I'm up....ok, well not up, but I'm definately not down. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I am starting to write down everything again. This is just crazy! I have been doing so good, and then I had a few bad days, which has turned into a few bad weeks...and I'm not letting that turn into a few bad months becuae the next thing I know, I'll be back up all the weight I am down! Yes, I haven't had as much motivation these past few weeks, but I have been motivated enough not to blow it completely! I still have enough motivation to get back on the ball. Trust me, when I say I'm going to get back on, I mean it! I'm actually excited about my WI next week, because I know I'll be down! Okay, so you know how I talk about my WW leader? Well, I decided to e-mail her and give her my site! She checked it out, and liked it, and even signed my guestbook, which completely brightened up my day! She's such an inspiration to me, and it meant a lot that she took the time to look at my site. Going to those meetings, and basically looking at her, not looking at her physically, but looking at her in respect to her weight loss journey is vital to my success on WW. She sometimes tells us stories during the meetings, about her past and being heavy, and then I look at her and see this outgoing, vibrant, and beautiful person (inside and outside), who is now a leader for WW, and a professional in weight loss! it's so incredible and inspiring to me! Okay, so yeah, I'm not a freak, and I'm not obsessed with my WW leader, but I guess it's good to have someone, especially someone you know and interact with, that inspires you. It helps make your goal seem more realistic. Well, today is my last "craving fullfilment" day! HAHA....tomorrow is a new day...a fresh start! Time to get back on track, and start losing more weight, and feeling great! (hey, that rhymed!) 10.20.05 I can't believe I haven't been updating my site!! I'm soo sorry!! Well...seems like not only have I not been updating my website, I haven't been OP as strictly as before either... =o( I don't know what's going on...just seems like everything is going down hill at once..I mean my grades in school aren't too great, I'm not sticking as much, and now updating my site, which, for me, is key. It's my TOM (time of the month) and I'm craving EVERYTHINGGGGG!!! Ugh..I mean, I don't have it yet, but it's close, and boy oh boy, my kitchen has been my new best friend lately! I don't know why I'm not controlling my urges, because I know I can...I guess I'm loosing dedication. Speaking of dedication, you know me, and how much I love my leader and my meetings...well one meeting talked about picking a word that allows you to be successful on WW..and you're supposed to match that up with one part of your body and then when you touch that part (ok dirty minds...get out of the gutter haha) you're supposed to think of that word, and it's supposed to help you. Well mine was "Determination" and it was my ear. It does help alert me when I'm not following, I don't think about it..I just touch it and then I remember it!! haha..I never thought this was going to work, but it does! Well, as you see, I did manage to loose 1.2 lbs (YAY) after a 2.4 lb gain (BOO) but at least I'm on the right track. Although I didn't do good yesterday, Wednesday, I am doing PERFECTO today!! I am NOT letting myself through away all of my hard work. It's not worth it! What's worth it will be the end result :) The last meeting, we talked about maintanence...and I was suprised to hear that you have to do the same things you are doing to loose weight, to maintain it. Hmm..makes you think twice about it, right??? NO!!! If you said yes, you're in trouble!! haha just kidding :) It makes you think twice about how you act during this stage (weight loss stage). This is your time to play around and experiment with the foods you eat, so you get to know your body; you'll get to know what holds you longest, and what satisfies you, and yadda yadda yadda....it actually opened my mind A LOT as to how I spend my points. I'm a picky eater, but this is a lifestyle change, so I need to start experimenting with other foods b/c I can't keep eating on this same circular path of mine....I need to eat more fish, and try new recipies and not be afraid of them! Food is your friend...you just don't want it to be your best friend :) 9.20.05 Okay..so I updated my site 2 weeks ago, and apparently it didn't save....it wasn't a big update..but it's just annoying. Okay..anyway..I am so happy that I lost 2.4 lbs!! I can't believe I can say I am down 22.2 lbs! HOLY CRAP!! I am so determined...I feel great..and I am just loving the new me! I started school, my new school and new major, and I love it! I am so happy! I also started interning and I'm loving that as well! :) I am so sad to be home..I wish I was back in Dominican Republic...grrrr...lol. The past few weeks, I haven't been 100% back on..but tonight, I went back to the meetings (I had to miss the last meeting for personal reasons), and it just completely remotivated me! I am so happy! :) OMG..can I please tell you how big my clothes are?!!? It's crazy!! It's kind of annoying though only because they kind of look sloppy, but It's senseless for me to buy new ones (pants especially) when I am loosing so fast, and I can still wear these..ya know?! Plus the fact I am not a million gazillioinaire and can't afford to keep buying clothes..lol..although that hasn't stopped me before. Well, I have to say..i feel great..and although it has taken me a million times before..joining and quitting..then rejoining and quitting again...it has been worth it, because I never quit. I keep going, and I think that says something about my character. No one can make you do it..it's internal...it really is. Unless you are in the right mindset, you won't be successful...but that doens't mean you can't do it! I cant' wait to reach more goals! I can do this..and I will do this!! :) NEW ME HERE I COME BABY! 9.4.05 So, I hit 20 lbs!! It feels great! Haha..my WI was pretty funny!! Let me tell you the story. I walked into WW thinking maybe, just maybe, I will have reached 20 lbs. As you know, I set my original goal for my trip at 280, but then pushed it to the 20 lb mark. So anyway, I get on the scale..and I see , mind you the number I was looking for was 273.4, I see 274.8!! WHAT?!?!?! I'm .4 away from my goal!!!!!!!!!!! I was sooo mad! But I accepted it, unfortunately and still upset, and walked away. After my WI, my mother and I usually have a 2 pt. snack and water...but I refused to! I had to get weighed again after the meeting. So, I'm in the meeting, anxiously watching the time crawl by, and BOOM! It hits me....I have to go to the bathroom!! So I go the bathroom, and look Terry, the lady who weighs me everyweek, and she see's me and is like get back on here! So she's like take off your bracelet since you didn't have it on last week and get back on the scale! So I go on...and she's like, :what's the number you're looking for?" So I told her ".4"...and she looks down at the number..then looks me in the eye..and goes...IT'S .4!! I'm like YOU LIAR!! lol..I really said that to her!! She looks at my mom and goes, get back here and look at it! My mom goes back there and goes, Jen...it's really .4! I was like OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!! I did it!! So I walked away with such a proud feeling! My mom was so excied..and so was Terry! What an accomplishment!! :) But anyway, I went away, had a blast, ate amazingly (meaning I still followed plan) except for the last 2 days where I allowed myself to eat more than normal without going overboard. I am so proud. Unfortunately, now that I am home, and expecting my always late period, I am craving everything in site! This is horrible!!! I mean, today alone, I had blueberry pie with icecream, doritos, pop tarts, chocolate chip cookies, and bagle chips!! What the heck!?!?! But I promised myself that I am going to write down again tomorrow. I am just out of mode a little bit b/c of my vacation and b/c I missed my meeting last week. I really need those meetings. They are amazing! My leader is just amazing, and I can honestly say that I don't think I would attend the meetings with such dedication if it wasn't for her. She is just so inspiring! I just feel a connection with her, like she understands me. It's hard to explain, but I feel that she just knows what it's like for me because once she was in my shoes, ya know? Well, today my 7 year old brother called me a pencil neck..and I was like huh? He's like you're a pencil, you're so thin! I'm like no I'm not..I'm just thinner..he's like yeah,but you keep loosing like you are, and you'll be thin in no time!! lol..a 7 year old!?!?!? lol He's like you're almost at the magnet!! lol (the 25 lb magnet)..I'm like oh yeah!! I was telling him about the rewards you get from WW...he thinks it's cool. Okay..I'm gonna go lay down and when I wake up tomorrow....it's a new day! Hey..I might even go on the treadmill!! :) I probably should b/c i dont want to gain this week!! 8.16.05 I am so happy that I lost 4.4 lbs this week!! Woo Hoo!!!! I met my mini goal for my trip, but I did set another one. I am aiming for 3.8 lbs for next week so that I can be down a total of 20 lbs before the trip! How amazing would that be?!?! My leader, Erika, gave me a high five when she saw my loss..and it made me feel great! My mom was so excited for me..my sister was..my stepfather was...I WAS and AM! This is amazing! I never want this feeling of power, control, and confidence to leave my body! UGh.. i love it! It's just goes to show that you can do anything you put your mind to! I just feel good now that I have decided to change my lifestyle rather than just be on a diet. Well..I am exhausted...sorry for the short entry. I'll write more next week! :) 8.11.05 "You should eat a little more"...the words that came from my leaders mouth after I found out on Tuesday that my weight stayed the same. Dissapointed? A little...but not enough to make me quit. My leader told me that what you do in seven days may not always show up on the seventh day....which is so true. I'm still sticking with it..and loving every minute of it. I have had some people tell either me or my mom that I look thinner...and that is the best feeling in the world! =o) Anyway, on Tuesday my leader gave one of the most inpsiring and motivating meetings ever! I felt like I was watching an infomercial...it was so AMAZING! My mom was crying (thank goodness we sit in the back so no one saw her). My leader, Erika, was talking about herself when she was heavy, and I just felt so connected with her. It's weird to look at her and think that she was once heavy too, and that she knows what I'm going through. She is a beautiful person, inside and out, and I admire her so much. I hope I don't look like a freak when I look at her because I'm just amazed everytime I see her that her before picture is actually her. Well, anyway...I am 14 days away from going to Dominican Republic..and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be down 20 pounds in total..which is only 8.2 lbs away...I hope I can do it...it sounds like a lot, but considering I stayed the same last week, Erika told me that I'll probably show a big loss next week...hopefully 5 lbs, which would put me down almost 17 lbs...so I'm praying I'm down that much..but if not...it's ok. My mindset is so different..I feel so different this time. I am truely looking at this like a lifestyle change..not a temporary fix. I am thinking like, "I'm choosing not to eat that" not like, " I can't eat that". I can do this!!! 8.3.05 Damn...this is so easy! I am having a blast with my new lifestyle...and I feel great! :) Look at the results! The pounds are just melting away! I know how I get though, I usually loose weight, then I stop watching, then I gain it all back plus more; I keep having talks with myself before I do that again, so I realize how incredible the feeling of losing weight is. I have been getting compliments, mainly, from my mom and sister about how good I am doing, and that my face looks thinner. It just feels good. My sister is so proud of me, and it makes me feel great. My mom always says to me, "Wow, you're REALLY doing good! I'm so proud". =o) I really can do this. Now that I am watching my weight, really, melt away, I know that I will be at my goal in no time! I am 1.6 lbs away from my goal that I set for myself for my vacation on 8/25. This is wonderful! I can't wait until my clothes start getting bigger on me...which actually ddi happen... I put on a pair of my pants, which were big to begin with..but I usually put them in the dryer to shrink them a little bit...so I did..and I put them on..and at work, I had to keep picking them up...but I was able to put them on and take them off without buttoning or unbuttoning them! woo hoo!! :) This is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the feeling of losing weight!! I LOVE MY NEW LIFESTYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weight Watchers really does work...Weight Watchers is amazing!! :) 7.26.05 I am so excited about my weight loss this week of 5 pounds!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!! I am extremely proud because not only is it my TOM, but I also went to two BBQ's this weekend..and I am so happy! At the BBQ's I brought my own 1 pt. hotdogs, and my own 1 pt. veggie burgers, that way, I wouldn't feel so guilty eating other foods. But, even with my low point foods, I didn't eat that much. I also made it an conscious effort to not drink soda, even if it was diet. I made it a point to drink water. I guess my hard work paid off. In other news, I just found out that my family, best friend, and I are going to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic on August 25th! I am so excited! When I found that out, I made that a mini goal. I set it at 280. Well, now that I just lost 5 lbs, I am only 5 lbs away from my goal that I set for 4 weeks from now! I am so inspired, motivated, and determined to do it! My pictures are really keeping me going, and I am really really into this. I have been getting compliments from people about how well I have been doing...one of my managers at my store even said I look like I've been doing really good! So that made me feel good :) This is the greatest feeling, knowing that my hard work is paying off..and come to think of it..it's really not hard work. I feel so successful..I wouldn't trade it for the world! This is it...I really am going to do this..I am really going to get there this time! 7.12.2005 Damn....that's all i could say when I saw my side by side pictures of myself. How could I let myself go like that? I was about 92 lbs thinner in those pictures! That's horrible! I really do have a problem. As hard as it was for me to look at those pictures, it was, not to sound crazy...but it's true, life altering. For the first time in years, and was slapped across the face with reality...the reality that I NEED to loose weight...the reality that I have done this to myself...the reality of how much weight I have actually put on...and the reality that I am the one who is in control. Ya know, I talk to a bunch of people on AIM and I keep trying to help them...but I need to help myself too. I give advice...good advice...but I should be listening to myself. I think I am a pretty girl, and it takes a lot for me to say that...but I really do think that my weight takes away from it. I just look round. I can't even believe I weigh close to 300 lbs. I am writing that, and I can feel like heart racing, and I can feel like eyes filling up with tears. It reallly is heartbreaking. I'm really scared that I am going to die, or get diabetes or another weight-related disease. I really am at risk...this is no longer about looks...this is about my life. If I am going to stick with this, I really need to accept the fact that I need to make a lifestyle change...not just a diet or temporary change. It's about learning how to live a healthy lifestyle...which not only includes eating the right foods, but also living an active life. I have become a much lazier person because of my weight. I am 21 and I can not walk up a flight of stairs without feeling winded or sweating. It's embarassing. My bones are starting to hurt...my knees...my hips...my feet....I feel BLAH. But I'm ready...I'm ready to take on the road ahead of me. Those pictures really did something to me...something so powerful I feel like I have electricity going through my veins....I am so excited about this! I can't wait to start seeing and feeling results!! I can't wait to get back my confidence that I had when I lost my weight back in 2000...seeing guys looking at me....seeing girls look at me and not with distgust..but somewhat out of jealousy...but most of all..i can't wait to become healthy! I just need to remember...nothing tastes as good as thin feels! My poems...written 3.21.05 My Weight By Jennifer I was doing so well I was on a roll I had almost reached A mini goal Then it happened... I lost all motivation What is happening? Give back my inspiration! I need to be focused And keep my eye on the goal Because my weight... Has taken a lasting toll I want to be thin I want to be pretty I want that body Like good old Britney Stephanie's wedding is in May So I can't just sit around and play I need to count my points And exercise without hurting my joints I look at my thin pictures And feel so big But it doesn't help When I eat like a pig G-d hear my prayer I need your help If you really do care You'll make my fat melt I need my motivation I need it now I want my inspiration So I can watch the scale go down I'm Gonna Be There By Jennifer I want to lose So I can go on a cruise I have a long way to go Trust me--you don't wanna know I want to drop my towel on the ground And just walk around In my bathing suit Knowing I look cute I wanna play in the pool And make guys drool I want that body That makes me a total hottie I want cute outfits And skirts with thigh-high slits I wanna show some skin But not too much, so it's not a sin Guys need to lust And that's a must! I wanna be hot Because right now, I'm definately not! I wanna go to a club Or even a pub And be jaw-dropping And have eyes popping! I'll let them stare I won't even care I wanna stand out In that large large crowd I wish people weren't so mean But that's only a dream But I don't care Because I'm gonna be there |
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