male language patterns


** "I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall
into my
outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

** "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty,
difficult and thankless."

** "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my
roommates
have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is
no
more peanut butter."

** "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no
rational
thought pattern connected with it, and you have no
chance at
all of making it logical."

** "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't
it
already on the table?"

** "It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS,
"I
have no idea how it works."

** "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS,
"The
batteries in the remote are dead."

** "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard,
"REALLY
MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

** "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you
still
talking?"

** "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our
love,
REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

** "I was just thinking about you, and got you these
roses,"
REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe

** "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big
deal,"
REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

** "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once
threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

** "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did
you
catch me doing?"

** "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY
MEANS,
"Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

** "I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was
free
ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."

** "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock
drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet
paper."

** "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are,"
REALLY
MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

** "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the
messes. She cleans them up."

** "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY
MEANS, "I
am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed
help."