Top 10 Dumbest
crimnals
RUNNER-UP #9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout meeting.
While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog found
a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP #8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but
he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP #7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car
phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to
buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP #6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said
"OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested
the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP #5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later,
he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of
handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP #4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see
it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so
hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP #3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience
store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney
Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until
the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive)
head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one
that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended
a 30-year sentence.
RUNNER-UP #2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him
for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it
into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information
on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery
in St. Louis, Missouri.
RUNNER-UP #1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER!
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive
cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having
smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first
premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and
won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous,
stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which
it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that
it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and
costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid
the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man
cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used
against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property
and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.