~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Survival At Work!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. "Never walk without a document in your hands"
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their
hands look
like
they're heading for the cafeteria.
2. "Use computers to look busy"
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally
have a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work.
3. "Messy desk"
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest
of us, it
looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of
documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks
the same as
today's work; it's volume that counts.
4. "Voice Mail"
Never answers your phone if you have voice mail. People don't
call you
just because they want to give you something for nothing - they
call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's
no way to live. Screen all your
calls through voice mail.
5. "Looking Impatient and Annoyed"
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to
look
impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that
you are always busy.
6. "Leave the office late"
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted
to read
but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
past the boss'
room on your way out.
7. "Creative Sighing for Effect"
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression
that
you are under extreme pressure.
8. "Stacking Strategy"
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put
lots of
books
on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. "Build Vocabulary"
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon
and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember:
They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
impressive.