Jokes.......

Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him,” Can you lift that saree?”
I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital.
He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition.
Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time.
He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel.
So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied” I have 2 grown up daughters.
Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied,” I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and without taking any risks, asked," Do you have "grown up" daughters?” The Owner asked,” WHY?????????" Banta replied, " I wanted to stay here for a night..."
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Santa and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parent’s achievements to each other.
Santa singh: Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh: Yes, I have.
Santa Singh: Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh: That’s nothing have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa Singh: Yes, I have.
Banta Singh: Well, my father killed it.
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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese” when both parents are
Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th
person
born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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Sardarji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
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Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED after much thought he writes: Yes
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What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and
wants an extra sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
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Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai". Sardarji replies"Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passer by saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; why are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the
> > >donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
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A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing he basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,"Wash Basin".
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At a pharmacy, a sardar ji asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby he held in his arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that he would figure the infant's weight by weighing the man and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the father alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won't work," countered the sardar. "I'm not the father, I'm the uncle."
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want
the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their
women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by
their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles
long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only
one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created; you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from
him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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Q: What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: When the baby looks like the father, it’s biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, its sociology.
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Q: What is the difference between a good secretary & an excellent one?
A: A good secretary says, "Good morning, sir." & an excellent secretary say, "its morning, sir."
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Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
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The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
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Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else".
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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But..What happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
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A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the Sardarji replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".
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The conversation that took place between a person(Y)
in the public and a marketing guy(X).
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodrant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which banian do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba's
X(Bugged): Accha tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an
international company???
Y: No, He's my room-mate.
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Laloo Prasad Yadav Jokes

Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator: "Could
you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas?"
Operator: "just a minute, sir ..."
Laloo: "THANK YOU", and puts down the phone.
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At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells
the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man1's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks! , "AND YOU,
SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO PRASAD, MARRIED."
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After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working
on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags. "FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO
LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL". Laloo replies. "SEE THIS CARTOON,
IT IS WRITTEN - "FOR 4-7 YRS".
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After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo
decides to go modelling. On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and
resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day
the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper. Guess the caption?! "LALOO,
THIRD FROM LEFT!"
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Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he
invited him over to US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces to the
nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White
house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.
Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out. The
whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press, news
reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the
outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo
beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However, Bill
looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and
he has scratch marksThe shocked reporters ask Bill, "What
happened Mr. Clinton ?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
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Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation
for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed
with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and
we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."
Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very
inefficient", he stated. "Give me three days and I
will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

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