MOM: Are you calling about Maureen?????? Or is that Maureen? Baby? Is that you??????
YOU: Yes mom, it's me, Maureen.
MOM: Oh, thank God, I've been so worried about you. Are you sick? Your voice sounds so funny.
YOU: Um, I have a bit of a cold.
MOM: Is that why you haven't answered my calls?
YOU: Um, actually, someone's trying to kill me. DO you know who might want to kill me?
MOM: Well, your boyfriends, if they found out about each other, but don't you know?
YOU: Nope.
MOM: You're not Maureen! Even with a cold, you don't sound at all like her! Who the #@$$ are you????

You hang up.