Please note... I am not insane, suicidal, nor am I even depressed, I am actually quite happy go lucky. When I write my songs I put myself into a what if situation and spew... that and I steal ideas from Radiohead, APC, and TOOL. :)
you'll never make it
on your own
so just give up sit down and give in
together
we can make it right
just buy and spend and keep on livin'
When life is tough,
don't try too hard,
don't think,
just play the hand you're given
your birth, was your first
unoriginal sin
and you can never be forgiven
it's not a plea,
I have no fear
I don't need six I just need one
this isn't me
I don't belong here
to free myself and dull the pain
to show them all
I'm wearing thin
to prove that I am not insane
to break the wall
that I'm a brick in
Your presence alone
turned my mind inside out
then and there I could kill for a kiss
The sound of your voice
resonated inside me
Pushing me deeper inside my abyss
like vines that go growing
in every direction
So are my thoughts, them I cannot subdue
bitter the aftertaste
your love has left me
Can only be washed down with some more of you
it's quite self destructive
my rampage that is
a flaming inferno demanding a drink
but I am a coward
a liar, a fake
my needs and desires are all out of sync
they cry out to me
take a chance! seal your fate!
and all the while knowing it's not meant to be
I long for it, crave it
it's within my reach
but I dare not come closer, she'll be the end of me
I know that it's worth it
a no retrun trip
but all of life's paths come together again
and I'm cursed with living in misery when I can die from the bliss
in my moment of zen
Truth was the building block
Ceiling and Walls
The strongest foundation
Thus my world was built
It was the silence
It was the noise
It was the innocence
It was the guilt
I stretched out my hand
I smiled and cried
Receiving the gift
I thought to be free
But it sent my world crashing down
burning in flames!
When I learned that you lied
when you said you loved me.
Your mind has a keyhole, try to peek in.
what have you got in there, what do you know?
I could explain if you're willing to listen
it won't cost a penny, it's quid pro quo.
Open your mind, forget all your theories
there aren't any facts, no need to be scared.
Seing inside yourself might make you dizzy.
Like trying to count to infinity squared.
Try pinching yourself, give flying a shot
What's the worst that could happen? Oh...right...you'd be dead
Look at your watch, try flicking the light switch
What if all this is a dream in your head
That means the world DOES revolve around you
The power is yours, to use and abuse,
you could do anything, you can play god here
Although that might be a bad game to lose
Blow your mind open! See for yourself!
Consiousness isn't that easy to part with.
Suicide works but it's somewhat illegal.
Not even that great an idea to start with.
Do you have any choice? What does life mean?
Maybe you're all out mentally ill?
Who says you exist? Where are you right now?
What made you believe that you have free will?
Seing your thoughts fly by may be intense
But please put your seats up as reason resumes
You can't refer to yourself in first person
*****lines edited for content************
squeezing out memories to reminisce
your voice rang a million god seeking church bells
bruising me with their unnatural bliss
So are my thoughts, they're too hard to subdue
the bitter aftertaste your love has left me
Can only be washed down with some more of you
I'm lost in my own mind
But please don't look for me
God knows what else you'll find
It all snuck up on me
with such amazing stealth
I said I'll kill for you
who knew it'd be myself
a flaming inferno demanding a drink
but I am a coward, a liar, a fake
my needs and desires are all out of sync
and all the while knowing it's not meant to be
I long for it, crave it, it's within my reach
And yet this addiction brings out the best in me
I'm lost in my own mind
But please don't look for me
Who knows what else you'd find
It all snuck up on me
with such amazing stealth
I said I'll kill for you
who knew it'd be myself
but all of life's paths come together again
and I'm cursed with living in misery when
I can die from the bliss in my moment of zen
Once again it's gray outside
I'm a sad pathetic mess
I'm alone, how did you guess
with these storm clouds in the sky
hide behind my fogged up glass
thought you said "it's for the best"
When I crashed didn't anyone know
Now I'm laying here lost and forgotten
frozen under the ice and the snow
Won't you bring back some of your sunshine
you can find me, my beacon will show
it's the flickering blues of the TV
from my window, my window, my window
that we've simply come undone
and more rain is on the way
will it always be this gray?
I'll just lie to everyone
that I've started all anew
but I'll always wait for you.
When I crashed didn't anyone know
Now I'm laying here lost and forgotten
frozen under the ice and the snow
Won't you bring back some of your sunshine
you can find me, my beacon will show
it's the flickering blues of the TV
from my window, my window, my window
on the ground
startled by the
slightest sound
on my garbage heap
star filled skies
singing mother's
lullabies
I can't fall asleep
what if I just disappeared
with troubled eyes
tell small white lies
to small white wives
truth fell off the shelf
Any more
And I don't know
which way the
shore is
I have lost myself
what if I just disappeared
race my shadow down the street
go to the women's bathroom
and lift up every toilet seat
*****************************
**lines edited for content**
Argue with myself and lose.
not pay for anything at all
steal other peoples garbage
for no reason start to dance
paint "GO" on all the stop signs
and just live without making any sense
packed no bags
just a backpack
full of rags
nothing really planned
greyhound station
to a random
destination
ticket in my hand
can't wait to just disappear
Forged safety of the city lights
Invited me outside
I rolled all of the windows down
And went out for a ride
The water rushing for the drain
With warm refreshing air
And thinking I should get to bed
That's when I saw her there
A warm glow mesmerized my eyes
She stopped to smell the bloom
And left me there in disarray
Not knowing what she'd done
I assume
I've tried so hard but haven't yet
With me to no avail
My tainted bitter cigarette
And every last detail
A warm glow mesmerized my eyes
She stopped to smell the bloom
And left me there in disarray
Not knowing what she'd done
I assume
My version of the small glass slipper
Are petals off that tree
like I did in my rear view mirror
Can't seem to put that day
behind me
see what we want to see
so no-one really sees like you
now wouldn't you agree
and everybody has their ways
lives how they want to live
and everybody says they're right
so who do you believe?
it's always hard to be alone
why don't we gather masses
and all think the exact same thing
inhale addictive gasses
what's comes after our lives
while bible-thumbers regulate
for whom the heaven cries
they tell us to believe in fate
while choking on their lies
an opiate won't emulate
a heaven in my eyes
free your miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind
don't let it shrink
you're mute and blind
when you don't thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink
why don't we gather masses
and all think the exact same thing
inhale addictive gasses
what's comes after our lives
while bible-thumbers regulate
for whom the heaven cries
they tell us to believe in fate
while choking on their lies
an opiate won't emulate
a heaven in my eyes
free your miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind
don't let it shrink
you're mute and blind
when you don't thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink
It went right through me
I must admit
It really threw me
Off, because inside I hid
The things nobody wants to see
What for? Why her? Why me?!
I signed my name
To deeds and words
I?ve never done
And never said
Hid under mounting resentment
For anything I couldn?t have
What for? For her? Want more!
I?m lying, I?m lying, I?m lying
Don?t believe me
I?m trying, I?m trying, I?m trying
Don?t believe me
An authentic counterfeit
An objective hypocrite
I feared she was
Degrading me
I felt I had to
So I did
Unveil everything I hid
But her gaze was evading me
She saw my insincerity
Please look, at me! I plea!
She sees me twisted
And deformed
She stares at shadows
That I make
The real me
And not the fake
For her my shape
I would transform
I?d purge my purple peacock feathers,
And bare my broken black bat wings.
It burns! It bleeds! It stings!
I?m lying, I?m lying, I?m lying
Don?t believe me
I?m trying, I?m trying, I?m trying
Don?t believe me
An authentic counterfeit
An objective hypocrite
For all those broken hearts and broken mirrors
If failing is my calling you can say I'm doing well
I'm awfly slow at learning
C an't you tell?
And I've been ever, so blind.
Thank you, you've been unkind,
but I don't mind,
It's my turn.
For you to really fuck this up.
The fall is fun when you don't
Think about, the sudden stop.
There Is no god and if there was
He wouldn't give a shit.
And that which doesn't kill you
Only makes you wish it did.
Exagural parade.
You know the mother fucker
would get rained on.
It may be sad and shallow
But this isn't my perspective
At least while I'm asleep
I'll know to wake up this collective.
And I've been ever, so blind.
Thank you, you've been unkind,
but I don't mind,
It's my turn.
For you to really fuck this up.
The fall is fun when you don't
Think about, the sudden stop.
There Is no god and if there was
He wouldn't give a shit.
And that which doesn't kill you
Only makes you wish it did.
I always see you in my dreams
Swimming throuh mysty moutain streams
You make them beutiful it seams
I'd cherish for all of time
You'd be the white to kill my black
You'd be the light I always lacked
You'll be alright just don't look back
My love you truly are sublime
Angel, don't go
You make all of the flowers grow.
Without you there's only snow
You fill the void withing my soul
I wait for you down on one knee
Make you the godess you could be
Fufill your every wish and plea
then pull you down into my hole