| This is the first time I�ve really looked at him since his train came in last night. Lying next to me, breathing deeply, he�s sleeping like a brick. I can�t sleep at all. Four months of courtship and this is only the second time we�ve spent the night together�but I guess that�s what I get for being seventeen. It�s all still new to me. I can�t get a whole night�s sleep, so I just lay here and watch him. I could say he looks like an angel or a baby when he sleeps, but that�d be a lie. He looks like why I love him. He looks so vulnerable, cuddling the pillow�clinging to it. But he�s also so sweet and calm. He looks so right in my bed. He�s not the first man I�ve slept with. I�ve spent the night with male friends before, even on the same bed, but it�s never been like this. To sleep with someone you love is the most beautiful thing imaginable. To lie next to him with eyes closed, feeling the warmth of his breath, waiting for sleep to come�next to sex, that is the truest expression of trust and intimacy. If this were a perfect world, I�d wake him up with a kiss and we�d make love in the early morning. Too bad I have a roommate. Too bad we�re at college for that matter. I could wake up in his arms every morning, instead of waking up two states away. I look at him in the early morning light and sigh. He�s still asleep, cuddling the pillow. We�d fallen asleep in each other�s arms, but in the night we�d separated. I look at the clock�it�s still far too early. I softly lay my hand on his back and kiss his neck; he won�t be awake for hours. I turn my back to him, close my eyes, and try to get a few more hours of sleep. Being comfortable without him or my pillow is impossible. I snuggle closer to him and he puts his arm around me, drawing us closer together. Feeling his body pressed against mine, I don�t miss my pillow anymore. I have everything I could ever want. I have him. |