You always
hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are our rules and yes they are all our #1 rule
1. Learn to
work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday =
sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is
NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is
blackmail.
1. Ask for
what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No
are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us
with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache
that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we
said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 days.
1. If you
won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap
opera guys.
1. If you
think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If
something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can
either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher
Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see
in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a
fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it
itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask
what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask
a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.
1. When we
have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask
us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have
enough clothes.
1. You have
too many shoes.
1. I am in
shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you
for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did
you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.